Day 58, Rules 58 and 59

The games: Pittsburgh vs. Vancouver and Portland Winterhawks vs. Tri-Cities.

Why I chose them: Pittsburgh vs. Vancouver was my backup in case I couldn't get Olympic tickets. Sadly, neither worked out, because I discovered that getting tickets to see the defending champions on their one swing through Western Canada is just as futile and expensive and nabbing tickets for the Olympics.
Portland has lost every matchup with Tri-Cities so far. I think that will be enough of that.

Weird connection between the 2 games: Tri-Cities' Russian goalie has been called up by Pittsburgh as backup, since Marc-Andre Fleury is injured.

Yes, I know I need an intevention: I'm listening to the Winterhawks game and watching the Pittsburgh game simultaneously.

Good and bad news for Winterhawks fans: Brad Ross, after initially being snubbed, is going to the prospects game after all. The bummer is that the Nino-Johansen-Ross line will be gone for the hotly anticipated Kamloops game on Wednesday, along with defenseman Troy Rutkowski.

The rules: Section 8, Stick Fouls. Rule 58, Butt-ending. Rule 59, Cross-checking.

Number of sections in the rules: 6 (Rule 58 and 59).

Definitions: 58.1, Butt-ending. The action whereby a player uses the shaft of the stick, above the upper hand, to check an opposing player in any manner or jabs or attempts to jab an opposing player with this part of the stick. Penalties range from a double-minor to fines and suspensions. 59.1, Cross-checking. The action of using the shaft of the stick between the two hands to forcefully check an opponent. Penalties range from minor to fines and suspensions.

My favorite highlights: 58.6, Fines and Suspensions. When a major penalty and game misconduct are imposed under this rule, an automatic fine of one hundred dollars ($100) will be imposed. 59.6, Fines and Suspensions. When a major penalty is imposed under this rule, an automatic fine of one hundred dollars ($100) shall also be imposed.

Morals of the story:

The game: Basically, these are two halves of one rule. I thought cross-checking was like checking from behind, only from the side. And if you think that's stupid, wait until you find out what I thought icing was. Also, is a $100 fine really going to stop a player who makes $15 million a year? I think not. Maybe if the fine was taking away your fancy sports car and super-model girlfriend for six months, then yes, I'm sure players would think more than twice before poking somebody forcefully with their stick.

Life: Let's face it, we've all done this and we've all had it done to us. Don't think so? If you've done one of these, you've been guilty:

-- Tailgating and flashing the headlights on slow drivers ahead of you in traffic.
-- Encroaching on "the bubble" to get people ahead of you in a slow line to move faster, which won't actually work because it's held up by someone who has 50 coupons and wants to pay half with cash and half with their debit card.
--Putting your backpack in the seat next to you on the bus or slouching so half your body slides over into said seat, in order to prevent someone from sitting next to you.
-- (Limited to New York, I hope): Putting your groceries on the automated belt just an inch back while the person in front of you is still loading theirs, because God forbid, you should have to use the little plastic divider thingy and wait a whole 30 seconds before doing so. Similar attempt to get through the subway window by physically encroaching on the person ahead and trying to slide your money into the slot from the left side while the person ahead is still getting their change. Yes, both of these things happened to me in New York, the former on a regular basis. And for the record, I've only hit someone once in my life and the subway dude was it.

Next up on 1/17: Section 8, Stick Fouls. Rule 60, High-sticking. Rule 61, Slashing.