When Changing Players, Use Your Imagination

The games: New York Rangers vs. Tampa Bay Lightning. Portland Winterhawks vs. Vancouver Giants (4/3, WHL).

Why I chose them: Cutie pie goalie Henrik Lundqvist and honkin' tall French captain on the same ice at the same time? Please. Game on. Portland vs. Vancouver - Duh. Round 2 here we come.

The final scores: New York Rangers shut 'em out 5-0. Good thing I like both sides, or this would be a major bummer alert. Portland vs. Vancouver face off is at 7 pm, Memorial Coliseum. Join us. It's pouring rain outside...what else are you going to do?

As for Round 2: Let's try winning on home ice this time around, shall we? I see we followed my advice and cooked Kyle Beach and his peeps to a crisp in their own house, and I was right about a dramatic Game 7 end to Round 1. It's my new good luck charm. I'll write it here and it will happen. End of story. Games on.

The rule: Section 4, Playing Rules. Rule 411, Change of Players and Goalkeepers from the Player's Bench During Play.

It's easy, just use your imagination: 411.a. The players and goalkeepers may be changed at any time from the player's bench while the game is in progress, provided that:

1) The changing players and goalkeepers are within an imaginary area limited by the length of the respective player's bench and 3 m from the boards, as illustrated on the opposite page,

2) The changing players are out of the play before any change is made. Bench minor penalty (see Rule 573).

It is my revised New Year's resolution to be able to memorize everything there is to know about face-offs, including when, where and why: 411.b. If, when a goalkeeper leaves his goal crease and proceeds to his player's bench for the purpose of substituting another player and if the substitution is made prematurely, the official shall stop the play when the offending team gains possession of the puck. The ensuing face-off shall take place at the center ice face-off spot, except in cases where the offending team would gain as a result a territorial advantage, in which cases the face-off shall be where the stoppage of play occurred (See Rule 440g).

Morals of the story:

The game: Either use your imagination or don't. If you're going to define the area as imaginary, then don't limit it. Let the little whippersnappers run wild. As long as they don't engage in play, what's the harm? A few extra men on the ice never hurt anyone. Except Don Cherry, who is still blamed for losing a Stanley Cup because he couldn't count.

Life: We need more imaginary lines and areas and such in life. For example, when on the train, other individuals shall stay within an imaginary boundary around my person, defined as at least two bodies' worth of personal space. Any attempt to encroach on this space shall result in said parties being removed from the train for a face-off in front of the train. Winner of said face-off will be allowed to re-enter the train, provided they stand in accordance with the personal space bubble, as defined above. Or...offices for middle managers in corporate America shall be defined by an imaginary area of the manager's choosing, which will include but not be limited to a corner office with a large window, space for a cabinet into which he or she can fit a small mini bar, a large couch and a wide screen TV, in the event said professional becomes bored with their 9 - 5, three-martini lunch, suburban dream/nightmare and needs to escape for a few hours.

Next up on 4/4: Section 4, Playing Rules. Rule 412, Change of Players Procedure During Stoppage of Play.