What wine goes with viewing of scorching hot French Canadian coaches?

The game: Toronto Maple Leafs vs. Tampa Bay Lightning.

Why I chose it: Because not watching while smokin' hot French Canadian coaches on a comeback tear are on live television for all to see is just wrong. How Guy Boucher walks around looking that hot and not bursting into flames truly boggles the mind.

Hooked on phonics, Portland style: I'm too tired to blog a whole rule, so I'll preview my new features for the oregonlive blog. Those would be 1) the "inappropriate things were said" to oregonlive appropriate dictionary and 2) the Hooked on Phonics guide to pronouncing the Portland Winterhawks' names. The latter was inspired by the team's recent road trips to Canada, where several of our players' last names were butchered by public address announcers.

The dictionary: Inspired by a brawling game between the Portland Winterhawks and the Kamloops Blazers in which the Blazers' goalie decided some smack talk with pretty much our entire lineup would be a good idea before he sulked off to the dressing room. It was unsuccessful, as our goalie Mac Carruth (drafted 191st by the Chicago Blackhawks in the 2010 Entry Draft) dropped theirs right to the ice. When I asked defenseman Joe Morrow (a top prospect for the 2011 draft) what was said during that altercation, he wouldn't tell me, other than "some inappropriate things were said." So here's the obvious one for starters:

The f-word: perfectly appropriate alternatives: flip, frack, frick and my personal favorite -- which I heard in the stands the other day -- fiddly. I dare one of the Winterhawks who's taller than a Christmas tree to get on up in an opponent's face and tell him to fiddly off.

Or if you want the Euro flavor, I always fall back on the Brits' best bits..."bugger off" or "go get shagged."

How do you pronounce Scooby Doo?: All the bungled pronunciations listed below actually happened. More than once.

Sven Bartschi. Correct: Bear-chee. With Sven's very proper and pretty Swiss German pronunciation, it's got just a little more roll to the r and sounds a little more like the "derci" in arrivaderci. Incorrect: Barch, Barsh or Sven's personal fave, Bartski.

Brendan Leipsic. Lipe-sick. Not Lip-sick.

Derrick Pouliot.POO-LEE-AHT. Incorrect: Poo-low. Poo-yow.

Ty Rattie. Tie Rat-tea. Not sure how you screw this one up, but apparently someone did. I'll have to check in with Andy Kemper on this one, since he's the one who reported on it. But why do I have the feeling someone pronounced his first name as Tea?

Next up: Post-game from Portland Winterhawks vs. Kootenay Ice. And onward with Article 13, Waivers and Loans of Players to Minor League Clubs.