The games: Pittsburgh vs. Tampa Bay. Portland Winterhawks vs. Seattle Thunderbirds (took the Booster Club bus to see the regular season closer in Seattle).
Why I chose them: Oh please...honkin' tall French captain back in fine form, Sidney Crosby on a post-Olympic tear, Evgeni Malkin back in the groove. Game on.
Their game's in turnaround: As for the Winterhawks, they conclude the regular season with a 3-1 victory over archrivals Seattle, over whom we have now gone 12-0 for the season. Not but a year ago, this entry would have been the last about them, because our season would be over now and likely with a loss to Seattle. Instead, thanks to a scheduling glitch, we will open our playoff run at the Rose Garden next weekend against Spokane, who have the actual home ice advantage. So maybe we don't technically have the advantage, but next Saturday and Sunday, we will. It's the chance to be there as the Winterhawks open a playoff run for the first time in four years and send 'em off to Spokane in high style. Be fashionable...join us.
So, the regular season ends on a high note and the best is about to begin as the playoffs commence on home turf. Oh, and there was a nifty little section-clearing fight at the game last night, between two Seattle fans. Really. I don't know what was more entertaining...Ryan Johansen's crafty little goal off a rebound from Taylor Aronson, or that fight.
Now, as for the rule: Section 3, Officials and Their Duties. Rule 300, Appointment of Officials and Rule 310, Game Officials.
Highlights: The actual officials are very similar to the NHL...two refs, two linesmen, two goal judges, one announcer, one timekeeper, two penalty bench attendants and one video goal judge.
But there are a few modifications, such as: Annex 4, Duties of the Officials. A4.1, Incapacitated Referee or Linesman, Before the Game. If, for any reason, the appointed Referee or Linesman are prevented from appearing, the team leaders shall agree on a replacement Referee and/or Linesman. If they are unable to agree, the Proper Authorities shall appoint the officials. Note there is no mention of "misadventure" as a reason. It's simply understood that if an official would like to have a misadventure, he can do so, but he will be replaced.
And some things never change: A4.4, Three Official System, Referee Duties Before the Game. The Referee shall have general supervision of the game, full control of game officials and players, and his decision shall be final in case of any dispute. Before starting the game the Referee shall assure that the appointed officials are in their respective places and satisfy himself that the timing and signalling equipment are in order. He shall order the teams on the ice at the appointed time for the beginning of each period.
Morals of the story:
Life: Never count a lost team out. One year ago, the Winterhawks were done. Finito. And very nearly gone from Portland altogether until new management and new coaching swooped in and launched one of the most impressive sports turnarounds in the Winterhawks' history. With the University of Oregon football team becoming the new Jailblazers and the debacle that is Greg Oden, Portland can take great pride in knowing that young boys who are just past the legal driving age are about to put themselves and the city in the spotlight and they have done it the right way...honorably.
The game: As for this rule..."satisfy himself that the timing and signaling equipment are in order?" I love it. Never mind the IIHF or the fact that the equipment might be hanging on by a thread, if the ref is satisfied, game on.
Speaking of driving: The night I met Ryan Johansen, he told me Nino was going the next morning to get his driver's license and until then Troy Rutkowski had been driving him around town. I know this isn't true, but why do I have an image of Troy driving around in a Lincoln Town Car with Nino in the back, going "no, turn right up here, it's faster....can we stop for a snack?... turn the heat up, it's cold in here." Now I know he would never do that, but I couldn't help it. Sometimes thoughts just come into my head. And sometimes they're more entertaining than the reality of two teenage boys driving around in a beat up Toyota trying to find a decent radio station in Portland.
Next up on 3/16: Section 3, Officials and Their Duties. Referee and Linesmen Duties continued.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
It Takes More than an Imaginary Line to Measure Up
The games: Pittsburgh vs. New Jersey, Tampa Bay vs. Washington, Portland Winterhawks vs. Chilliwack Bruins (WHL).
Why I chose them: Ummm, let's see, how do I explain this? Oh right... duh.
The rules: Section 2, Teams, Players and Equipment. Rule 250, Puck. Rule 260, Measurement of Equipment.
You can go green if you want to: 250.a, The "Puck" shall be made of vulcanized rubber (same as NHL) or other material approved by the IIHF and be primarily black in color.
Do the math. I dare you: 250.b, The dimensions of the puck shall not exceed:
Diameter - 7.62 cm
Thickness - 2.54 cm
Weight - 156 to 170 gms
Final scores: Tampa Bay 3, Washington 2. Devils 3, Penguins 1. Crap! Chilliwack just scored at 2:38. Oh wait, now we're talking...Taylor Peters just scored. Less than three minutes in and this is a hockey game with a capital H.
What? No imaginary line?: 260.a, The Referee may, at any time and at his own discretion, measure any equipment. 260.b, The Captain of a team may make a formal complaint against a specific dimension of any equipment. The Referee shall make the necessary measurement immediately. However, no goal shall be disallowed as a result of any measurement. Like the NHL, if the complaint is not sustained, the requesting team gets a bench minor. Likewise, if it is, the guilty player is given a bench minor. This differs from the NHL Rulebook in that there is no specification that illegal equipment must be taken to the penalty bench for the remainder of the game.
But if you were thinking you'd outsmart a 5-on-3 Power Play, forget it: 260.d, If a Captain of the team that is two men short in the last two minutes of the game or at any time in overtime, requests an equipment measurement that proves to be legal equipment following the measurement, the Referee shall award to the non-offending team a penalty shot.
Morals of the story:
The game: I want to interview the expert who can tell me how, in a fast game like hockey with all the talent that the NHL is currently hoarding, you'd even know the other team was playing with illegal equipment. I can see it if one guy is scoring a whole lotta' goals without really making an effort... then that's definitely questionable. And, I can see why a team that's already at a disadvantage in a 5-on-3 would take the chance and call the other team out. But why else would you do it? If you're wrong and it's not sustained, the penalty's on you.
Perhaps another pizza thingy with the Winterhawks will reveal all. After all, it only took Ryan Johansen mentioning "scoring chance" for me to get the icing thing. Perhaps after a few slices of pepperoni with extra cheese, I will get it. But since the next pizza thing isn't until well into next season, make a note to check back later, on the off chance I ever figure this one out.
Life: What if, before you left your house every morning, a referee came to your house to be sure you measured up, and if you didn't, you'd be penalized? I'm thinking of things like fashion (or lack thereof), how clean (or not) your car is and whether or not you bothered to make your bed before leaving the house. If we were given a bench minor for such offenses, would we think twice before leaving the house with hair wet from the shower and no makeup? Would we put the ugly dancing Santa holiday sweater down and walk away?
As a grown up Garanimal, I would be so totally busted if we did. I'd never get out of the house. I'd set the League record for bench minor penalties for leaving my bed in disarray, not bothering to blow dry my hair because it's raining outside and what's the point, and wearing questionable fashion ensembles that would cause other people to get into car accidents and text their friends in horror ("OMG. I just saw a woman in shoulder pads, white pantyhose and a green suede handbag with fringe. She's heading towards 3rd and Jefferson.")
The future starts now: I'm off to Seattle tomrrow for the Portland Winterhawks Booster Club bus trip to watch the last regular season game. For the first time in far too long, the best is yet to come as we prepare to enter the playoffs. Home ice advantage has yet to be determined, but if even one game is played in the Rose Garden, it will be one more than last year. Join us if you can. You won't be disappointed.
Next up on 3/14: Section 3, Officials and Their Duties. Rule 300, Appointment of Officials.
Why I chose them: Ummm, let's see, how do I explain this? Oh right... duh.
The rules: Section 2, Teams, Players and Equipment. Rule 250, Puck. Rule 260, Measurement of Equipment.
You can go green if you want to: 250.a, The "Puck" shall be made of vulcanized rubber (same as NHL) or other material approved by the IIHF and be primarily black in color.
Do the math. I dare you: 250.b, The dimensions of the puck shall not exceed:
Diameter - 7.62 cm
Thickness - 2.54 cm
Weight - 156 to 170 gms
Final scores: Tampa Bay 3, Washington 2. Devils 3, Penguins 1. Crap! Chilliwack just scored at 2:38. Oh wait, now we're talking...Taylor Peters just scored. Less than three minutes in and this is a hockey game with a capital H.
What? No imaginary line?: 260.a, The Referee may, at any time and at his own discretion, measure any equipment. 260.b, The Captain of a team may make a formal complaint against a specific dimension of any equipment. The Referee shall make the necessary measurement immediately. However, no goal shall be disallowed as a result of any measurement. Like the NHL, if the complaint is not sustained, the requesting team gets a bench minor. Likewise, if it is, the guilty player is given a bench minor. This differs from the NHL Rulebook in that there is no specification that illegal equipment must be taken to the penalty bench for the remainder of the game.
But if you were thinking you'd outsmart a 5-on-3 Power Play, forget it: 260.d, If a Captain of the team that is two men short in the last two minutes of the game or at any time in overtime, requests an equipment measurement that proves to be legal equipment following the measurement, the Referee shall award to the non-offending team a penalty shot.
Morals of the story:
The game: I want to interview the expert who can tell me how, in a fast game like hockey with all the talent that the NHL is currently hoarding, you'd even know the other team was playing with illegal equipment. I can see it if one guy is scoring a whole lotta' goals without really making an effort... then that's definitely questionable. And, I can see why a team that's already at a disadvantage in a 5-on-3 would take the chance and call the other team out. But why else would you do it? If you're wrong and it's not sustained, the penalty's on you.
Perhaps another pizza thingy with the Winterhawks will reveal all. After all, it only took Ryan Johansen mentioning "scoring chance" for me to get the icing thing. Perhaps after a few slices of pepperoni with extra cheese, I will get it. But since the next pizza thing isn't until well into next season, make a note to check back later, on the off chance I ever figure this one out.
Life: What if, before you left your house every morning, a referee came to your house to be sure you measured up, and if you didn't, you'd be penalized? I'm thinking of things like fashion (or lack thereof), how clean (or not) your car is and whether or not you bothered to make your bed before leaving the house. If we were given a bench minor for such offenses, would we think twice before leaving the house with hair wet from the shower and no makeup? Would we put the ugly dancing Santa holiday sweater down and walk away?
As a grown up Garanimal, I would be so totally busted if we did. I'd never get out of the house. I'd set the League record for bench minor penalties for leaving my bed in disarray, not bothering to blow dry my hair because it's raining outside and what's the point, and wearing questionable fashion ensembles that would cause other people to get into car accidents and text their friends in horror ("OMG. I just saw a woman in shoulder pads, white pantyhose and a green suede handbag with fringe. She's heading towards 3rd and Jefferson.")
The future starts now: I'm off to Seattle tomrrow for the Portland Winterhawks Booster Club bus trip to watch the last regular season game. For the first time in far too long, the best is yet to come as we prepare to enter the playoffs. Home ice advantage has yet to be determined, but if even one game is played in the Rose Garden, it will be one more than last year. Join us if you can. You won't be disappointed.
Next up on 3/14: Section 3, Officials and Their Duties. Rule 300, Appointment of Officials.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Rule 88: No Bumps to the Noggin. Period. Exclamation Point.
The games: Portland Winterhawks vs. Everett Silvertips (3/9). Chicago vs. LA Kings (3/10).
Why I chose them: They chose me. It was the last Winterhawks home game in the regular season. LA vs. Chicago is like picnic time for grown up hockey teddy bears. Cristobal Huet, Patrick Kane, Jonathan Toews, Patrick Sharp and Anze Kopitar together on the ice. No other motive required.
Back on the home front: We blanked Everett 3-0 and it was Mac Carruth's first career shutout. Most importantly, the power play didn't suck. Also, pooh to the ref who broke up that almost fight between Ryan Johansen and Rissanen. It's not like Ryan starts a fight every three seconds...that's what would have made it so cool. When nice Canadian boys who generally stay out of the fray go for it, I say get out of the way and let us enjoy the moment.
Detour ahead, for tonight: I was going to write about the next rule in the IIHF, but head hits are on top of mind for the NHL, and they are definitely on my mind, so pardon me while I digress for this entry.
Here's the new proposed rule that emerged from the NHL's GM meeting: The vote was unanimous on this one. "A lateral, back pressure or blind-side hit to an opponent where the head is targeted and/or is the principal point of contact is not permitted. A violation of the above will result in a minor or major penalty and shall be reviewed for possible supplemental discipline."
Extra note about why this is important: Rules in the NHL Rulebook do not say "don't do something or its not permitted, banned, etc." They just define the offense (boarding, clipping, charging, etc.) and outline the penalty. But intent and harm and/or injury do result in more serious penalties or supplemental discipline.
Why this will not likely be an easy one to implement and enforce: Telling players they can't hit another in any manner is a lot like telling kids they can go in the toy store, but you won't buy them anything. Even though many players probably agree that head hits are not cool, dude, I'm sure there is also a bit of ire about "where is the line drawn?"
Now as we all know: I love a good clean hit. Fighting is my favorite rule to see broken. I encourage full-on line brawls with mitts flying and jerseys off and helmets on the ice. I love watching guys go at it in unmitigated macho BS when they're tied at 3 in the third with 15 seconds to go. But head hits are not clean, they are not necessary and they are not cool, dudes.
Here's the thing: Players who are good enough to get into the NHL as early-round draft picks, get a good deal with a good team and stay there are good enough to find a better way to win. Head hits are the mother of all cheap shots, which I hate with an unmitigated passion. But there is a bigger reason that I hate them, which transcends the game. Here it is:
Here in Portland, we are privileged to watch the future of the NHL live and in person several nights a week. I want to see those players go on to play in the League for many years to come and live up to their full potential. Head hits are not a "sit home and take some aspirin and do some physical therapy and we'll see how you are in a few days" injury. They are life threatening, career ending and permanently brain damaging. Whether someone is hit early in their junior career or later when they get to the NHL, if it's hard enough and serious enough, you're done. In the junior league, players are an average of 17 years old. Their lives haven't even started, their dreams haven't been realized and one serious head hit can end it all. Goodbye NHL dreams, hello "would you like fries with that?"
So, if that's not enough for you, think about it this way: As fans, we are also robbed when a player goes down from bumps to the noggin. I want to watch my favorite players play as much as I can, for as long as I can. When somebody goes down due to post-concussion syndrome, especially early in their career, we are left only to wonder how far they could have gone and how much athletic greatness they might have achieved. "Could have, should have, would have" is no way to live life and it's no way to play hockey.
We know whereof we speak: Portland recently had an unfortunate front row seat to this issue when defenseman Eric Doyle went down hard at a Tri-Cities game. Todd Kennedy has been suspended for seven games, but Eric may be out for longer. Why shouldn't Tri-Cities lose their player for as long as we lose ours? At a minimum. But it's still not enough. What if Eric has sustained long-term damage? No punishment will ever fix that. He is up and moving around in the bleachers at recent games, so hopefully he will be alright. In this case, it's also brutal because this is his final season in the WHL and it may well be over.
Here's my suggestion for punishment in the WHL, which I say we test out if we have to play the Tri-City Americans again during the playoffs: If Todd Kennedy shows up on our ice again during the playoffs, I vote for a full scale public shaming in place of the suspension. Instead of kicking him out for seven games, his teammates will be ordered by the WHL to ignore him in the locker room, not speak to him on the bus, not call or text him to see if he wants to hang out in off hours and not share food with him at team dinners for the full duration of the time it takes Eric Doyle to recover. A suspension sends a message to other players that they shouldn't follow his example, but a punishment that sends a message to the offending player he's a coward: priceless.
Next up on 3/12: Section 2, Teams, Players and Equipment. Rule 250, Puck. Rule 260, Measurement of Equipment.
Why I chose them: They chose me. It was the last Winterhawks home game in the regular season. LA vs. Chicago is like picnic time for grown up hockey teddy bears. Cristobal Huet, Patrick Kane, Jonathan Toews, Patrick Sharp and Anze Kopitar together on the ice. No other motive required.
Back on the home front: We blanked Everett 3-0 and it was Mac Carruth's first career shutout. Most importantly, the power play didn't suck. Also, pooh to the ref who broke up that almost fight between Ryan Johansen and Rissanen. It's not like Ryan starts a fight every three seconds...that's what would have made it so cool. When nice Canadian boys who generally stay out of the fray go for it, I say get out of the way and let us enjoy the moment.
Detour ahead, for tonight: I was going to write about the next rule in the IIHF, but head hits are on top of mind for the NHL, and they are definitely on my mind, so pardon me while I digress for this entry.
Here's the new proposed rule that emerged from the NHL's GM meeting: The vote was unanimous on this one. "A lateral, back pressure or blind-side hit to an opponent where the head is targeted and/or is the principal point of contact is not permitted. A violation of the above will result in a minor or major penalty and shall be reviewed for possible supplemental discipline."
Extra note about why this is important: Rules in the NHL Rulebook do not say "don't do something or its not permitted, banned, etc." They just define the offense (boarding, clipping, charging, etc.) and outline the penalty. But intent and harm and/or injury do result in more serious penalties or supplemental discipline.
Why this will not likely be an easy one to implement and enforce: Telling players they can't hit another in any manner is a lot like telling kids they can go in the toy store, but you won't buy them anything. Even though many players probably agree that head hits are not cool, dude, I'm sure there is also a bit of ire about "where is the line drawn?"
Now as we all know: I love a good clean hit. Fighting is my favorite rule to see broken. I encourage full-on line brawls with mitts flying and jerseys off and helmets on the ice. I love watching guys go at it in unmitigated macho BS when they're tied at 3 in the third with 15 seconds to go. But head hits are not clean, they are not necessary and they are not cool, dudes.
Here's the thing: Players who are good enough to get into the NHL as early-round draft picks, get a good deal with a good team and stay there are good enough to find a better way to win. Head hits are the mother of all cheap shots, which I hate with an unmitigated passion. But there is a bigger reason that I hate them, which transcends the game. Here it is:
Here in Portland, we are privileged to watch the future of the NHL live and in person several nights a week. I want to see those players go on to play in the League for many years to come and live up to their full potential. Head hits are not a "sit home and take some aspirin and do some physical therapy and we'll see how you are in a few days" injury. They are life threatening, career ending and permanently brain damaging. Whether someone is hit early in their junior career or later when they get to the NHL, if it's hard enough and serious enough, you're done. In the junior league, players are an average of 17 years old. Their lives haven't even started, their dreams haven't been realized and one serious head hit can end it all. Goodbye NHL dreams, hello "would you like fries with that?"
So, if that's not enough for you, think about it this way: As fans, we are also robbed when a player goes down from bumps to the noggin. I want to watch my favorite players play as much as I can, for as long as I can. When somebody goes down due to post-concussion syndrome, especially early in their career, we are left only to wonder how far they could have gone and how much athletic greatness they might have achieved. "Could have, should have, would have" is no way to live life and it's no way to play hockey.
We know whereof we speak: Portland recently had an unfortunate front row seat to this issue when defenseman Eric Doyle went down hard at a Tri-Cities game. Todd Kennedy has been suspended for seven games, but Eric may be out for longer. Why shouldn't Tri-Cities lose their player for as long as we lose ours? At a minimum. But it's still not enough. What if Eric has sustained long-term damage? No punishment will ever fix that. He is up and moving around in the bleachers at recent games, so hopefully he will be alright. In this case, it's also brutal because this is his final season in the WHL and it may well be over.
Here's my suggestion for punishment in the WHL, which I say we test out if we have to play the Tri-City Americans again during the playoffs: If Todd Kennedy shows up on our ice again during the playoffs, I vote for a full scale public shaming in place of the suspension. Instead of kicking him out for seven games, his teammates will be ordered by the WHL to ignore him in the locker room, not speak to him on the bus, not call or text him to see if he wants to hang out in off hours and not share food with him at team dinners for the full duration of the time it takes Eric Doyle to recover. A suspension sends a message to other players that they shouldn't follow his example, but a punishment that sends a message to the offending player he's a coward: priceless.
Next up on 3/12: Section 2, Teams, Players and Equipment. Rule 250, Puck. Rule 260, Measurement of Equipment.
Monday, March 8, 2010
When in Doubt, Colour Coordinate
The games: Portland Winterhawks vs. Tri-City Americans. Montreal vs. Anaheim.
Best play: Winterhawks' rookie defenseman and NHL prospect we should all pay more attention to Taylor Aronson scoring the difference-making goal in the waning seconds of the second period.
Why I love the Walker-Francis-whoever line: They never give up on a play or a scoring chance or anything else, for that matter. Ever. Period. Exclamation point.
Hey look, there is sportsmanship in hockey: Jordan Staal stepped forward after the Rangers game to admit that he didn't touch the puck in the game winning goal. The goal was eventually credited correctly to Evgeni Malkin.
I told you so: Final score Portland Winterhawks 6, Tri-City Americans 3 = T-O-A-S-T.
Reason you should brave the Memorial Coliseum on Tuesday night: It is the last regular season home game and the last time Chris Francis and Stefan Schneider play on home ice during the regular season. It's not the "last" last time: We'll see them again in the playoffs, which get underway next week. But still, it's a milestone and we should still be there to send them all off to the last road games of the season and the playoffs in style.
I'm averting my eyes: Anaheim went down to Montreal in a heart-breaking shootout, where Jonas Hiller had the puck, let it go and it slipped behind him into the net. Their battle to fight back to the number 8 spot and get into the playoffs slipped just a little further away.
The rule: Section 2, Teams, Players and Equipment. Rule 240, Uniforms.
Choice tidbits: 240.a. All players from each team shall be dressed uniformly in sweaters, pants, stockings and helmets (except for the goalkeeper who is permitted to wear a helmet of a different colour to the rest of the team). Sweaters, including the sleeves, and stockings shall be of the same colour.
I would not want to be the team that has to do this: If, in the opinion of the Referee, the uniform colours of the competing teams are so similar that there is the possibility of miscalling a penalty, it is the responsibility of the home team to change their sweaters, if ordered to do so by the Referee.
So, no mullets then?: If player's hair is long and obscures the name plate or number on the sweater, the hair shall be worn in a pony tail or under the helmet.
The morals of the story:
The game: Stockings? Why do I suddenly have an image of grown men in lederhosen doing the chicken dance at the Mt. Angel Oktoberfest? On the other hand, there's no rule about webbing, so presumably it's ok to dress like Spider-Man in European competitions. The whole matching thing is like Garanimals for hockey. If your team has an animal as its mascot, even better. Zebra pants go with Zebra sweaters and Zebra stockings. Perfect.
Life: I must say, the one good thing about working in Corporate America is that at least you get to choose your own wardrobe, but there are some people that let's just say, could use a little help from the IIHF. If you see either of the following running amok around the water cooler, perhaps you could suggest the matching pants, stockings and sweater scheme to them:
1) Young people who don't know yet that just because you were smart enough to wear the tie and business shirt, doesn't mean you can get away with accessorizing it with pink hair and two or three nose rings.
2) Their polar opposite...any man near retirement who has given up altogether and is wearing a large oversized sweater over the beer belly and loose pants, with the one gray hair that's hanging on for dear life wrapped around his head three or four times...and a desk that if fire inspectors ever saw it, they would have to cite the company for multiple violations.
Oh, and by the way, note to naysayers who don't think much of the Portland Winterhawks' playoff chances: How do I put this so as to be polite? Oh right. This is hockey. Never mind. Who cares if we only make it a few games in? WE ARE IN! We are officially turned around from where we were last year, which if I recall correctly was nowhere. Personally, I bought my playoff tickets already and I have budgeted for additional charges. I suggest you join me.
Next up on 3/10: Section 2, Teams, Players and Equipment. Rule 250, Puck. Rule 260, Measurement of Equipment.
Best play: Winterhawks' rookie defenseman and NHL prospect we should all pay more attention to Taylor Aronson scoring the difference-making goal in the waning seconds of the second period.
Why I love the Walker-Francis-whoever line: They never give up on a play or a scoring chance or anything else, for that matter. Ever. Period. Exclamation point.
Hey look, there is sportsmanship in hockey: Jordan Staal stepped forward after the Rangers game to admit that he didn't touch the puck in the game winning goal. The goal was eventually credited correctly to Evgeni Malkin.
I told you so: Final score Portland Winterhawks 6, Tri-City Americans 3 = T-O-A-S-T.
Reason you should brave the Memorial Coliseum on Tuesday night: It is the last regular season home game and the last time Chris Francis and Stefan Schneider play on home ice during the regular season. It's not the "last" last time: We'll see them again in the playoffs, which get underway next week. But still, it's a milestone and we should still be there to send them all off to the last road games of the season and the playoffs in style.
I'm averting my eyes: Anaheim went down to Montreal in a heart-breaking shootout, where Jonas Hiller had the puck, let it go and it slipped behind him into the net. Their battle to fight back to the number 8 spot and get into the playoffs slipped just a little further away.
The rule: Section 2, Teams, Players and Equipment. Rule 240, Uniforms.
Choice tidbits: 240.a. All players from each team shall be dressed uniformly in sweaters, pants, stockings and helmets (except for the goalkeeper who is permitted to wear a helmet of a different colour to the rest of the team). Sweaters, including the sleeves, and stockings shall be of the same colour.
I would not want to be the team that has to do this: If, in the opinion of the Referee, the uniform colours of the competing teams are so similar that there is the possibility of miscalling a penalty, it is the responsibility of the home team to change their sweaters, if ordered to do so by the Referee.
So, no mullets then?: If player's hair is long and obscures the name plate or number on the sweater, the hair shall be worn in a pony tail or under the helmet.
The morals of the story:
The game: Stockings? Why do I suddenly have an image of grown men in lederhosen doing the chicken dance at the Mt. Angel Oktoberfest? On the other hand, there's no rule about webbing, so presumably it's ok to dress like Spider-Man in European competitions. The whole matching thing is like Garanimals for hockey. If your team has an animal as its mascot, even better. Zebra pants go with Zebra sweaters and Zebra stockings. Perfect.
Life: I must say, the one good thing about working in Corporate America is that at least you get to choose your own wardrobe, but there are some people that let's just say, could use a little help from the IIHF. If you see either of the following running amok around the water cooler, perhaps you could suggest the matching pants, stockings and sweater scheme to them:
1) Young people who don't know yet that just because you were smart enough to wear the tie and business shirt, doesn't mean you can get away with accessorizing it with pink hair and two or three nose rings.
2) Their polar opposite...any man near retirement who has given up altogether and is wearing a large oversized sweater over the beer belly and loose pants, with the one gray hair that's hanging on for dear life wrapped around his head three or four times...and a desk that if fire inspectors ever saw it, they would have to cite the company for multiple violations.
Oh, and by the way, note to naysayers who don't think much of the Portland Winterhawks' playoff chances: How do I put this so as to be polite? Oh right. This is hockey. Never mind. Who cares if we only make it a few games in? WE ARE IN! We are officially turned around from where we were last year, which if I recall correctly was nowhere. Personally, I bought my playoff tickets already and I have budgeted for additional charges. I suggest you join me.
Next up on 3/10: Section 2, Teams, Players and Equipment. Rule 250, Puck. Rule 260, Measurement of Equipment.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Here Today, Toast Tomorrow
The game: Phoenix vs. Colorado.
Why I chose it: Newly traded Avalance forward Peter Mueller faces off against the team he played for only days ago. Funny how the trade works. You're here one day, and literally gone tomorrow. I like him, so I hope the fresh start will deservedly jump start his career.
For Portland Winterhawks fans: Repeat after me. Tri-City Americans are toast.
For Portland Winterhawks players: Repeat after me. Tri-City Americans are toast. No excuses. No exceptions. Here's the thing: nobody can get inside your head unless you let them. But just in case...If we must allow three goals into our net in rapid succession, could we wait at least 5 minutes in between them? And maybe if we could slip our own goal into theirs in between that to even it up, most appreciated.
And no, I don't care if there's a huge line brawl at the end of the game with mitts flying and total carnage and swear words I've never heard of. In fact, I'm counting on it. Well, that and a bigger number on our side of the score board. Go forth and conquer boys. Have faith and know that Portland will be behind you.
Final score: Phoenix 3, Colorado 1.
The rule: Section 2, Teams, Players and Equipment. Rule 230, Goalkeeper's Equipment.
I didn't make this up, it's right here in the book: Abdominal aprons, extending down the front of the thighs on the outside of the pants, are prohibited. I would certainly hope so. It's a hockey game, not an episode of Iron Chef America.
Oh and backing up just a second: Rule 227, Mouth Guard. 227.b. All players in the age category under 20, and not wearing a full face mask, shall wear a custom made mouth guard. I didn't even think about the custom made part. I just thought everyone got the same mouth guard/chew toy that they then proceed to literally chew up and spit out and replace every week or so.
The morals of the story:
The game: The goalkeepers have to wear a freakin' lot of equipment, including special "goalkeeper's skates" of approved design. It's the hockey equivalent of being a woman, only we have to wear pantyhose, bras, skirts, jewelry and handbags of approved design. On the other hand, if they didn't, hockey teams would have to employ about five or six backups to fill in everytime the number one guy got clocked by a slap shot.
Life: Speaking of uncomfortable office professional wear, I think there should be a similar rule for working professionals. Only in my rule, I would ban more things than I'd allow. For example: 1) On women, orthopedically correct but ugly shoes will be banned at all times unless said individual has a note from a doctor that said footwear is necessary. 2) No suits that look like you stole them from your husband and just wore jewelry to make it look like it's a girlsuit. 3) No evil eyes on other women just because they wore high heels and a skirt that actually make them look a woman and not a man with dyed hair and a pearl necklace.
Next up on 3/7: Section 2, Teams, Players and Equipment. Rule 240, Uniforms.
Why I chose it: Newly traded Avalance forward Peter Mueller faces off against the team he played for only days ago. Funny how the trade works. You're here one day, and literally gone tomorrow. I like him, so I hope the fresh start will deservedly jump start his career.
For Portland Winterhawks fans: Repeat after me. Tri-City Americans are toast.
For Portland Winterhawks players: Repeat after me. Tri-City Americans are toast. No excuses. No exceptions. Here's the thing: nobody can get inside your head unless you let them. But just in case...If we must allow three goals into our net in rapid succession, could we wait at least 5 minutes in between them? And maybe if we could slip our own goal into theirs in between that to even it up, most appreciated.
And no, I don't care if there's a huge line brawl at the end of the game with mitts flying and total carnage and swear words I've never heard of. In fact, I'm counting on it. Well, that and a bigger number on our side of the score board. Go forth and conquer boys. Have faith and know that Portland will be behind you.
Final score: Phoenix 3, Colorado 1.
The rule: Section 2, Teams, Players and Equipment. Rule 230, Goalkeeper's Equipment.
I didn't make this up, it's right here in the book: Abdominal aprons, extending down the front of the thighs on the outside of the pants, are prohibited. I would certainly hope so. It's a hockey game, not an episode of Iron Chef America.
Oh and backing up just a second: Rule 227, Mouth Guard. 227.b. All players in the age category under 20, and not wearing a full face mask, shall wear a custom made mouth guard. I didn't even think about the custom made part. I just thought everyone got the same mouth guard/chew toy that they then proceed to literally chew up and spit out and replace every week or so.
The morals of the story:
The game: The goalkeepers have to wear a freakin' lot of equipment, including special "goalkeeper's skates" of approved design. It's the hockey equivalent of being a woman, only we have to wear pantyhose, bras, skirts, jewelry and handbags of approved design. On the other hand, if they didn't, hockey teams would have to employ about five or six backups to fill in everytime the number one guy got clocked by a slap shot.
Life: Speaking of uncomfortable office professional wear, I think there should be a similar rule for working professionals. Only in my rule, I would ban more things than I'd allow. For example: 1) On women, orthopedically correct but ugly shoes will be banned at all times unless said individual has a note from a doctor that said footwear is necessary. 2) No suits that look like you stole them from your husband and just wore jewelry to make it look like it's a girlsuit. 3) No evil eyes on other women just because they wore high heels and a skirt that actually make them look a woman and not a man with dyed hair and a pearl necklace.
Next up on 3/7: Section 2, Teams, Players and Equipment. Rule 240, Uniforms.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Strap In and Warm Up ...or Else
The game: Colorado vs. Anaheim, the former with newly acquired forward Peter Mueller in tow.
Why I chose it: Cutie pie goalie is back, all Olympians are present and accounted for, and Portland Winterhawk/Anaheim Ducks prospect Luca Sbisa was just recognized in the pre-game ceremony. Do I need another reason? I think not.
For Portland Winterhawks players: Ok, let's try this again. Saturday Night, Rose Garden, 7 pm: Tri-City Americans are toast. T-O-A-S-T. Toast. With extra crunchy peanut butter. Here's my theory: I don't know squat about defensive plays or overplaying goaltending or not creating scoring chances or whatever else is out there in bloggerville. They got inside the net because they got inside your heads. Figure out how to put a stop to that, and the rest will follow. And if you could put a stop to it before Saturday, that would be preferable.
The rule: Section 2, Teams, Players and Equipment. Rule 223, Player's Helmet.
I don't recall seeing this in the NHL Rulebook: 223.a) During the game and during the game warm-up, all players shall wear a hockey helmet with chin strap properly fastened. 223.b) Where a player(s) fail to wear a helmet during the pre-game warm-up in International competition, the standby Referee shall report to the Chairman who shall report to the Directorate or the IIHF Disciplinary Committee. In National competitions, the procedure shall follow the national association rules in this matter.
This is better than the imaginary line: 223.c. A helmet shall be worn so that the lower edge of the helmet is not more than one finger-width above the eyebrows, and there shall only be enough room between the strap and chin to insert one finger.
So, I guess Nino Niederreiter was in violation when he pulled off that one-handed goal sans mitt in the skills game at the CHL Top Prospects Game: Rule 225, Players' Gloves. The players' gloves shall cover hand and wrist and their palm shall not be removed to permit the use of bare hands. If you don't know what I'm talking about, Google Nino, Portland Winterhawks and CHL Top Prospects Game or do the same on YouTube. You'll see what I mean.
Final score: Anaheim 2, Avalanche 2 with 4:30 to go in the second period.
Morals of the story:
The game: So, whose finger did they use when deciding on the helmet measurement? The honkin' big Sasquatch whose mitts are the size of footballs or little bony skinny fingers from an anorexic vegan supermodel in training who needed some extra cash and saw an ad in the paper that said "skinny hands wanted?"
Life: I'm a terrible morning person, so I need the pre-game warm-up rule to keep my weenie ass in line. Only in my case it would go something like this: If a single professional who has no kids and no dog to walk and no friends to call at 7 am cannot get his or her crap together and out the door in one piece with hair blow dried and minty fresh breath and coffee already made to put in the little portable mug you bought to save $20 a week at Starbucks by 8 am each weekday morning, so you can walk to the bus stop that's a mere 2 minutes from your apartment, said offense shall be reported to the Directorate for immediate disciplinary action, which will consist of said individual being dragged each morning at O Dark Thirty to an hour long boot camp workout, followed by special forces training on how to make your bed, style your hair and turn the auto-drip coffee pot on -- unaided by self-medication -- before 7 am.
Next up on 3/4: Section 2, Teams, Players and Equipment. Rule 230, Goalkeeper's Equipment.
Why I chose it: Cutie pie goalie is back, all Olympians are present and accounted for, and Portland Winterhawk/Anaheim Ducks prospect Luca Sbisa was just recognized in the pre-game ceremony. Do I need another reason? I think not.
For Portland Winterhawks players: Ok, let's try this again. Saturday Night, Rose Garden, 7 pm: Tri-City Americans are toast. T-O-A-S-T. Toast. With extra crunchy peanut butter. Here's my theory: I don't know squat about defensive plays or overplaying goaltending or not creating scoring chances or whatever else is out there in bloggerville. They got inside the net because they got inside your heads. Figure out how to put a stop to that, and the rest will follow. And if you could put a stop to it before Saturday, that would be preferable.
The rule: Section 2, Teams, Players and Equipment. Rule 223, Player's Helmet.
I don't recall seeing this in the NHL Rulebook: 223.a) During the game and during the game warm-up, all players shall wear a hockey helmet with chin strap properly fastened. 223.b) Where a player(s) fail to wear a helmet during the pre-game warm-up in International competition, the standby Referee shall report to the Chairman who shall report to the Directorate or the IIHF Disciplinary Committee. In National competitions, the procedure shall follow the national association rules in this matter.
This is better than the imaginary line: 223.c. A helmet shall be worn so that the lower edge of the helmet is not more than one finger-width above the eyebrows, and there shall only be enough room between the strap and chin to insert one finger.
So, I guess Nino Niederreiter was in violation when he pulled off that one-handed goal sans mitt in the skills game at the CHL Top Prospects Game: Rule 225, Players' Gloves. The players' gloves shall cover hand and wrist and their palm shall not be removed to permit the use of bare hands. If you don't know what I'm talking about, Google Nino, Portland Winterhawks and CHL Top Prospects Game or do the same on YouTube. You'll see what I mean.
Final score: Anaheim 2, Avalanche 2 with 4:30 to go in the second period.
Morals of the story:
The game: So, whose finger did they use when deciding on the helmet measurement? The honkin' big Sasquatch whose mitts are the size of footballs or little bony skinny fingers from an anorexic vegan supermodel in training who needed some extra cash and saw an ad in the paper that said "skinny hands wanted?"
Life: I'm a terrible morning person, so I need the pre-game warm-up rule to keep my weenie ass in line. Only in my case it would go something like this: If a single professional who has no kids and no dog to walk and no friends to call at 7 am cannot get his or her crap together and out the door in one piece with hair blow dried and minty fresh breath and coffee already made to put in the little portable mug you bought to save $20 a week at Starbucks by 8 am each weekday morning, so you can walk to the bus stop that's a mere 2 minutes from your apartment, said offense shall be reported to the Directorate for immediate disciplinary action, which will consist of said individual being dragged each morning at O Dark Thirty to an hour long boot camp workout, followed by special forces training on how to make your bed, style your hair and turn the auto-drip coffee pot on -- unaided by self-medication -- before 7 am.
Next up on 3/4: Section 2, Teams, Players and Equipment. Rule 230, Goalkeeper's Equipment.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Have Full Face Gear, Will Travel
The game: Colorado vs. Detroit.
Why I chose it: The NHL is back in action and in the playoff hunt. This is the only game on tonight.
And here in Portland: We face the Tri-City Americans tomorrow night, this time in the Rose Garden. Better venue, better food, better beer, better opportunities for all-out vengeance. Yes, they have our number. On speed dial. But that doesn't mean we need to let them dial it. I said it before and it worked and we won the one game against them, so I'll say it again: Tri-City Americans are Toast. T-O-A-S-T. Toast. With extra crunchy peanut butter.
The rule/I always wondered about this: Rule 224, Player's Face Mask and Visor. 224.b. All players born after December 31, 1974 shall wear, at a minimum, a visor. 224.e. Players and goalkeepers in the category under 18 years and younger shall wear a full face mask. The mask must be constructed so sticks and pucks can't get through. Rule 226.b. Players and goalkeepers in the category 18 years and younger shall wear a neck and throat protector. Rule 224 applies for players:
Born in 1989 - for season 2006-2007.
Born in 1990 - for season 2007 - 2008.
Born in 1991 - for season 2008 - 2009.
Born in 1992 - for season 2009 - 2010.
Best reason for wearing a full face mask that isn't in this rule: Portland Winterhawk Luke Walker, who trekked to the US World Junior tryouts a mere week after being clocked by a puck and enduring what his coaches called the worst injury they'd ever seen. And with what must have been a monster headache and a metal plate in his face, but who still got on the team even after they almost kicked him out of a scrimmage. Did he get a lot of ice time? No. Did he score a lot of goals? I don't recall that he did. Nor did he need to. He went, he beat all the odds, he played, he brought the bling back to Portland. If that doesn't impress you, I don't know what will.
That's enough to impress me, but then again, if that was me I would have moved to a closet with a Walmart sized bag of Reese's peanut butter eggs, a case of wine, a few illegally obtained Vicodins and a very large blanket under which to hide in the event someone actually found me in my secret hiding place. And I wouldn't come out until it all blew over and the sugar rush/Vicodin coma combination wore off. So perhaps I'm not the best person to judge. But still, he could have chosen to bag it and sit on a couch watching re-runs and slurping his holiday dinner through a straw, but he took the path of most resistance. And so, I will file it in my top 10 list of the bravest things I've ever seen.
Final score: Colorado 2, Detroit 2 at 15:00 in the third period.
Morals of the story:
The game: I love it. They make you wear all this face and neck protection as a minor, but the minute you turn 18, good luck and stay out of the line of fire. And if you are returning from a world competition to the WHL in the US and Canada, you can go right back to wearing a mere visor and getting clocked by clearing shots. Plus, how can players get in a serious fight with all that gear on? Half the point of watching a game is lost. Speaking of fights, Portlanders who weren't at the Memorial Coliseum missed one hell of an ending to the third period. It was very nearly a full-scale line brawling misconduct, instigator, unsportsmanlike tangle of foul language, shoving, dirty looks, dirtier words and full-on carnage. Now, I know I shouldn't be condoning such behavior in impressionable young boys, but let's face it. It was really cool. I say let 'em go and sort it out later.
Life: How hilarious would it be if executives in corporate America had to wear some form of a helmet/face gear in meetings? Only instead of age being the determining factor, it would be based on your title and how responsible you are for other people's crap. Say, if you're me for example and you are responsible for the outcome of projects and building stong media relationships, but the buck stops higher up with my directors - maybe I'd just have to wear a visor and no neck protector. But for the presidents and VPs and what not, who have to take all the blame if other people whiff it and as a result tend to go right for each other's throat in an attempt to assign blame elsewhere - definitely full face gear for them.
Next up on 3/3: Going backwards a bit to Rule 223, Player's Helmet.
Why I chose it: The NHL is back in action and in the playoff hunt. This is the only game on tonight.
And here in Portland: We face the Tri-City Americans tomorrow night, this time in the Rose Garden. Better venue, better food, better beer, better opportunities for all-out vengeance. Yes, they have our number. On speed dial. But that doesn't mean we need to let them dial it. I said it before and it worked and we won the one game against them, so I'll say it again: Tri-City Americans are Toast. T-O-A-S-T. Toast. With extra crunchy peanut butter.
The rule/I always wondered about this: Rule 224, Player's Face Mask and Visor. 224.b. All players born after December 31, 1974 shall wear, at a minimum, a visor. 224.e. Players and goalkeepers in the category under 18 years and younger shall wear a full face mask. The mask must be constructed so sticks and pucks can't get through. Rule 226.b. Players and goalkeepers in the category 18 years and younger shall wear a neck and throat protector. Rule 224 applies for players:
Born in 1989 - for season 2006-2007.
Born in 1990 - for season 2007 - 2008.
Born in 1991 - for season 2008 - 2009.
Born in 1992 - for season 2009 - 2010.
Best reason for wearing a full face mask that isn't in this rule: Portland Winterhawk Luke Walker, who trekked to the US World Junior tryouts a mere week after being clocked by a puck and enduring what his coaches called the worst injury they'd ever seen. And with what must have been a monster headache and a metal plate in his face, but who still got on the team even after they almost kicked him out of a scrimmage. Did he get a lot of ice time? No. Did he score a lot of goals? I don't recall that he did. Nor did he need to. He went, he beat all the odds, he played, he brought the bling back to Portland. If that doesn't impress you, I don't know what will.
That's enough to impress me, but then again, if that was me I would have moved to a closet with a Walmart sized bag of Reese's peanut butter eggs, a case of wine, a few illegally obtained Vicodins and a very large blanket under which to hide in the event someone actually found me in my secret hiding place. And I wouldn't come out until it all blew over and the sugar rush/Vicodin coma combination wore off. So perhaps I'm not the best person to judge. But still, he could have chosen to bag it and sit on a couch watching re-runs and slurping his holiday dinner through a straw, but he took the path of most resistance. And so, I will file it in my top 10 list of the bravest things I've ever seen.
Final score: Colorado 2, Detroit 2 at 15:00 in the third period.
Morals of the story:
The game: I love it. They make you wear all this face and neck protection as a minor, but the minute you turn 18, good luck and stay out of the line of fire. And if you are returning from a world competition to the WHL in the US and Canada, you can go right back to wearing a mere visor and getting clocked by clearing shots. Plus, how can players get in a serious fight with all that gear on? Half the point of watching a game is lost. Speaking of fights, Portlanders who weren't at the Memorial Coliseum missed one hell of an ending to the third period. It was very nearly a full-scale line brawling misconduct, instigator, unsportsmanlike tangle of foul language, shoving, dirty looks, dirtier words and full-on carnage. Now, I know I shouldn't be condoning such behavior in impressionable young boys, but let's face it. It was really cool. I say let 'em go and sort it out later.
Life: How hilarious would it be if executives in corporate America had to wear some form of a helmet/face gear in meetings? Only instead of age being the determining factor, it would be based on your title and how responsible you are for other people's crap. Say, if you're me for example and you are responsible for the outcome of projects and building stong media relationships, but the buck stops higher up with my directors - maybe I'd just have to wear a visor and no neck protector. But for the presidents and VPs and what not, who have to take all the blame if other people whiff it and as a result tend to go right for each other's throat in an attempt to assign blame elsewhere - definitely full face gear for them.
Next up on 3/3: Going backwards a bit to Rule 223, Player's Helmet.
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