The games: All but 2 teams are in action. Fourteen games, 8 hours. I think I can actually watch all of them before midnight.
Why I chose to sit here and watch hockey instead of hang out in an airport waiting for an airline to strand me on the runway: On deck tonight are Tampa Bay Lightning, Anaheim, Pittsburgh, Montreal and the New York Rangers, among others. It's the grown up, virtual equivalent of a petting zoo, except I can't touch or feed the animals.
My peeve: I can't touch or feed the animals.
My favorite plays: Tampa Bay scoring twice in 30 seconds in the first period. Sergei Gonchar's third goal against Montreal in the second period.
The rule: Section 4, Types of Penalties. Rule 19, Coincidental Penalties.
Numbe of sections in the rule: 5, divided into sections for minor, major and match penalties, and overtime.
Definition: No, this is not the penalties that just happen by accident in the course of normal play. Not that I thought that...but if I did, now I know. This rule does the math for referees when more than one penalty (match, minor, major) happens to both teams at the same time, including substitutions for players who must leave the game (for major or match penalties). It's like a hockey version of musical chairs. Check this out: when multiple penalties are assessed to both teams, equal numbers of minor and major penalties shall be eliminated using the coincident penalty rule and any differential in time penalties shall be served in the normal manner and displayed on the penalty clock accordingly. If there is no differential in time penalties, all players will serve their alloted penalty time, but will not be released until the first stoppage of play following the expiration of their respective penalties. This rule also provides guidance on serving of penalties that carry over into overtime. If I'm right, this is how 4-on-4 and 5-on-3 get decided.
My favorite highlight: This is even better. It's the only part of this rule I actually understand. 19.5, Applying the Coincidental Penalty Rule. When multiple penalties are assessed to both teams at the same stoppage of play, the following rules are to be utilized by the Referees to determine the on-ice strength for both teams:
(i): cancel as many major and or match penalties as possible
(ii): cancel as many minor, bench minor, and or double-minor penalties as possible
I love it. When in doubt, cancel everything and start over. Excellent plan.
The final scores: Tampa Bay vs. Toronto, Pittsburgh vs. Montreal... oh, never mind. Just check out nhl.com. Pick the team of your choice.
The morals of the story:
The game: I think I'm beginning to understand the basic concept behind the serving of penalties. If both teams get equally pissed off and commit a penalty, depending on the severity of it, they both get out of jail free. If you think about it, they could totally rig a game by agreeing up front to commit a penalty to match the other team's offense, thereby getting everybody back on the ice faster. But then again, that would level the playing field, and we wouldn't want a fair hockey game, now would we?
Life: This is the hockey equivalent of the government bailout for the banking and financial industry. They were all in the box serving multiple, simultaneous penalties for lying, cheating, stealing and writing bad loans to us and Congress came along and cancelled all of them out. On our tax-paying dime - we're basically paying them back for stealing from us. And all the banks had to do is serve the time differential on the simultaneous penalties. Oh non! Ce n'es pas juste!
Next up on 11/25: Section 4, Types of Penalties. Rule 20, Major Penalties. It's all reruns on the NHL Network, but the lesson will be new.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Day 18, Rule 18
The games: Pittsburgh vs. Florida, Anaheim vs. Calgary. Oh wait, Jonas Hiller isn't starting in goal... never mind. Philadelphia vs. Colorado is looking like an ample substitute. Somebody must have forgotten their pre-game snack, because they're eating each other alive.
Why I chose them: It's Monday, and therefore it is imperative that I watch multiple games in which large men who grew up outside the United States sweat, spit, swear and spend a minimum of 20 minutes on the penalty bench, preferably for drawing blood if at all possible.
The rule: Section 4, Types of Penalties. Rule 18, Double Minor Penalties.
Number of sections in the rule: 3.
Definition: It's elementary, Dear Watson. A double minor is 4 minutes (bench minor penalty x 2). This goes back to the minor penalty rule - if you're the offending team, the only way to kill off the extra two minutes on the penalty bench is for your opponent to score a goal. Infractions that can result in a double minor penalty are: butt-ending (Rule 58), head-butting (Rule 48), high sticking (Rule 60) and spearing (Rule 62). Butt-ending sounds like something late-night infomericals use to promote the latest exercise gadget by convincing you you'll burn off all your cellulite in five days or less. But in hockey it's actually what happens when a player tries to use the shaft part of the stick above his upper hand to check an opposing player or jab an opposing player with this part of the stick.
My favorite highlight: Now I know why I've been confused all this time about double minors. 18.1, Double Minor Penalty. When a double minor has been signaled by the Referee, and the non-offending team scores during the delay, one of the minor penalties shall be washed out and the penalized player will serve the remaining two minutes of the double-minor penalty. The penalty will be announced as a double-minor penalty but only two minutes would be shown on the penalty time clock.
The final scores: Pittsburgh 3, Florida 2. Colorado 5, Philadelphia 4.
Number of double minors imposed: Pittsburgh vs. Florida: 1. Philadelphia vs. Colorado: 0.
The morals of the story:
The game: This is about as fair as it gets in hockey. If you're doing time on the penalty bench, the trade off for shearing time off your offense is that the other team scores a goal. Even if you stayed on the bench for the full 4 minutes, it still ups the chance the other team will score while you sit there. Either way, you're doing time and they're putting it in the net. Fair? No. But what would you rather do, sit there for the full four minutes while the opposing team scored more goals while you're short handed for a longer period of time? Blessings are few in hockey - count them when you can.
Life: The sad part is that this rule is still way more fair than life. If we commit double minors for which we have to serve extra penalty minutes while Mr. Ferrari/platinum card/yes that's my blonde girlfriend who's young enough to be my daughter but I can still attract 'em/I didn't lose all my money when the market crashed goes breezing by in his Porsche, it doesn't wash out life's penalty minutes. We still have to serve them right to the end.
Have you ever watched a player come off the penalty bench for a full double minor? It's like turning hungry dogs loose in a Sizzler. Get out of the way and lock up the children. That's how we should be in life. The minute the penalty clock winds down, jump off the bench and run like hell into the rest of your life. Waiting out a streak of bad luck is like a hockey game - life doesn't go anywhere, you just have to sit it out every once in a while.
Next up on 11/25: Section 4, Types of Penalties. Rule 19, Coincidental Penalties.
Why I chose them: It's Monday, and therefore it is imperative that I watch multiple games in which large men who grew up outside the United States sweat, spit, swear and spend a minimum of 20 minutes on the penalty bench, preferably for drawing blood if at all possible.
The rule: Section 4, Types of Penalties. Rule 18, Double Minor Penalties.
Number of sections in the rule: 3.
Definition: It's elementary, Dear Watson. A double minor is 4 minutes (bench minor penalty x 2). This goes back to the minor penalty rule - if you're the offending team, the only way to kill off the extra two minutes on the penalty bench is for your opponent to score a goal. Infractions that can result in a double minor penalty are: butt-ending (Rule 58), head-butting (Rule 48), high sticking (Rule 60) and spearing (Rule 62). Butt-ending sounds like something late-night infomericals use to promote the latest exercise gadget by convincing you you'll burn off all your cellulite in five days or less. But in hockey it's actually what happens when a player tries to use the shaft part of the stick above his upper hand to check an opposing player or jab an opposing player with this part of the stick.
My favorite highlight: Now I know why I've been confused all this time about double minors. 18.1, Double Minor Penalty. When a double minor has been signaled by the Referee, and the non-offending team scores during the delay, one of the minor penalties shall be washed out and the penalized player will serve the remaining two minutes of the double-minor penalty. The penalty will be announced as a double-minor penalty but only two minutes would be shown on the penalty time clock.
The final scores: Pittsburgh 3, Florida 2. Colorado 5, Philadelphia 4.
Number of double minors imposed: Pittsburgh vs. Florida: 1. Philadelphia vs. Colorado: 0.
The morals of the story:
The game: This is about as fair as it gets in hockey. If you're doing time on the penalty bench, the trade off for shearing time off your offense is that the other team scores a goal. Even if you stayed on the bench for the full 4 minutes, it still ups the chance the other team will score while you sit there. Either way, you're doing time and they're putting it in the net. Fair? No. But what would you rather do, sit there for the full four minutes while the opposing team scored more goals while you're short handed for a longer period of time? Blessings are few in hockey - count them when you can.
Life: The sad part is that this rule is still way more fair than life. If we commit double minors for which we have to serve extra penalty minutes while Mr. Ferrari/platinum card/yes that's my blonde girlfriend who's young enough to be my daughter but I can still attract 'em/I didn't lose all my money when the market crashed goes breezing by in his Porsche, it doesn't wash out life's penalty minutes. We still have to serve them right to the end.
Have you ever watched a player come off the penalty bench for a full double minor? It's like turning hungry dogs loose in a Sizzler. Get out of the way and lock up the children. That's how we should be in life. The minute the penalty clock winds down, jump off the bench and run like hell into the rest of your life. Waiting out a streak of bad luck is like a hockey game - life doesn't go anywhere, you just have to sit it out every once in a while.
Next up on 11/25: Section 4, Types of Penalties. Rule 19, Coincidental Penalties.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Day 17, Rule 17
The game: Vancouver. vs. Chicago.
Why I chose it: Because Center Ice didn't broadcast the Tampa Bay vs. Atlanta game.
My peeve: Center Ice didn't broadcast the Tampa Bay vs. Atlanta game. Just because it's on at 2 pm Pacific on a Sunday before Thanksgiving, doesn't mean loyal fans weren't interested. Bah humbug to TV stations who didn't want to broadcast this one.
The rule: Section 4, Types of Penalties. Rule 17, Bench Minor Penalties.
Number of sections in the rule: 3.
Definition: A bench minor penalty involves the removal from the ice of one player of the team against which the penalty is assessed for 2 minutes. Refer to reference tables for a list of infractions that can result in a bench minor penalty. Oh. Duh. That's it? Yep. This entire rule is shorter than the first section of the last one.
My favorite highlight: 17.1, Bench Minor Penalty. Any player except a goalkeeper of the team may be designated to serve the penalty by the Manager or Coach through the playing Captain and such player shall take his place on the penalty bench promptly and serve the penalty as if it was a minor penalty imposed upon him.
The final score: Chicago 1, Vancouver 0.
Bench minor penalties assessed: 9.
Morals of the story:
The game: This is like the rule of life where bad things happen to good people. If one of your teammates gets injured or ejected or otherwise can't serve said penalty, someone else who wasn't doing anything at all has to serve it. Selfless though it may be, fun it probably isn't. Neither player is digging life, but at least the guy serving it gets the respect for doing the deed.
Life: How awesome would it be if someone else could serve our bench minor penalties for us in life? Any person of my choosing can be designated to serve the penalty because I didn't want to deal with the consequences of my actions. Such player will take their place in my life promptly, so I can move to a new city and start over with a clean slate.
Next up on 11/23: Section 4, Types of Penalties. Rule 18, Double-Minor Penalties.
Why I chose it: Because Center Ice didn't broadcast the Tampa Bay vs. Atlanta game.
My peeve: Center Ice didn't broadcast the Tampa Bay vs. Atlanta game. Just because it's on at 2 pm Pacific on a Sunday before Thanksgiving, doesn't mean loyal fans weren't interested. Bah humbug to TV stations who didn't want to broadcast this one.
The rule: Section 4, Types of Penalties. Rule 17, Bench Minor Penalties.
Number of sections in the rule: 3.
Definition: A bench minor penalty involves the removal from the ice of one player of the team against which the penalty is assessed for 2 minutes. Refer to reference tables for a list of infractions that can result in a bench minor penalty. Oh. Duh. That's it? Yep. This entire rule is shorter than the first section of the last one.
My favorite highlight: 17.1, Bench Minor Penalty. Any player except a goalkeeper of the team may be designated to serve the penalty by the Manager or Coach through the playing Captain and such player shall take his place on the penalty bench promptly and serve the penalty as if it was a minor penalty imposed upon him.
The final score: Chicago 1, Vancouver 0.
Bench minor penalties assessed: 9.
Morals of the story:
The game: This is like the rule of life where bad things happen to good people. If one of your teammates gets injured or ejected or otherwise can't serve said penalty, someone else who wasn't doing anything at all has to serve it. Selfless though it may be, fun it probably isn't. Neither player is digging life, but at least the guy serving it gets the respect for doing the deed.
Life: How awesome would it be if someone else could serve our bench minor penalties for us in life? Any person of my choosing can be designated to serve the penalty because I didn't want to deal with the consequences of my actions. Such player will take their place in my life promptly, so I can move to a new city and start over with a clean slate.
Next up on 11/23: Section 4, Types of Penalties. Rule 18, Double-Minor Penalties.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Day 16, Rule 16
The games: Tampa Bay vs. Carolina, Pittsburgh vs. Atlanta, Anaheim vs. San Jose.
Why I chose them: Honkin' tall French captain, Stanley Cup Champions and Swiss goalie all in action in one night. Mais, oui.
My peeve: I didn't realize until I read this rule how many penalties go uncalled every night in nearly every game.
Bonus peeve: I don't see an infraction in this rule book for NOT calling penalties.
My favorite play: Atlanta scoring the second goal with 18 seconds to go in the third.
Definition: This defines how long a player is ruled off the ice for minor penalties (2 minutes), what short handed means, minor penalty expiration criteria and the list of infractions. My favorite lesson is that short handed only applies if a team has fewer men on the bench than their opponents. This is the part where I admit I thought a short handed goal was one where you scored without an assist. Well, that's what it looked like on TV.
There are 27 infractions for which a minor penalty is imposed, each of which has its own rule. These include: boarding (Rule 42), cross-checking (Rule 59), delay of game (Rule 63), holding (Rule 54), hooking (Rule 55), instigator (Rule 47) and roughing (Rule 51).
My favorite highlight: 16.2, Short Handed. "Short handed" means that the team must be below the numerical strength of its opponent on the ice at the time the goal is scored. The minor or bench minor penalty which terminates automatically is the one with the least amount of time on the clock. Thus coincident minor penalties to both Teams do not cause either to be "short handed" (see Rule 19). If while a team is "short handed" by one or more minor or bench minor penalties, the opposing team scores a goal, the first of such penalties shall automatically terminate.
The final scores: Carolina 3, Tampa Bay 1. Pittsburgh 3, Atlanta 2. San Jose 3, Anaheim 2.
Number of minor penalties: Tampa/Carolina: 9. Pittsburgh/Atlanta: 6. San Jose/Anaheim: 11.
The morals of the story:
The game: Ah. I get it now. If you're short-handed and you score, all the more impressive. And, if the other team scores, well... at least the penalty is erased. In life if you did things like roughing, hooking, holding or boarding to a total stranger you'd go to jail. The penalty bench is the hockey equivalent of prison. And scoring against a short handed team is the equivalent of a jail break.
Life: We need this rule for the minor penalties we commit in life. If you have committed a minor penalty in the past five years that is still affecting your life choices, you shall be ruled out of everyday life for a minimum of six months to rethink some things, thus leaving your friends and family short handed. If someone among these individuals does something that redeems you in your place, your penalty is automatically removed from the clock and you are allowed to return to your regularly scheduled life.
Aforementioned penalties include, but are not limited to: breaking up with your boyfriend/girlfriend because you thought you could do better only to realize that was as good as it gets, remodeling your own kitchen when you probably should have let a contractor do it, scraping the car next to you while parking and not leaving a note for them and calling in sick on a Monday because you "just couldn't deal."
Next up on 11/22: Section 4, Types of Penalties. Rule 17, Bench Minor Penalties.
Why I chose them: Honkin' tall French captain, Stanley Cup Champions and Swiss goalie all in action in one night. Mais, oui.
My peeve: I didn't realize until I read this rule how many penalties go uncalled every night in nearly every game.
Bonus peeve: I don't see an infraction in this rule book for NOT calling penalties.
My favorite play: Atlanta scoring the second goal with 18 seconds to go in the third.
The quirk: If only Tampa Bay had scored another goal, the scores would have been the same in all three games.
The rule: Section 4, Types of Penalties. Rule 16, Minor Penalties.
Number of sections in the rule: 3.Definition: This defines how long a player is ruled off the ice for minor penalties (2 minutes), what short handed means, minor penalty expiration criteria and the list of infractions. My favorite lesson is that short handed only applies if a team has fewer men on the bench than their opponents. This is the part where I admit I thought a short handed goal was one where you scored without an assist. Well, that's what it looked like on TV.
There are 27 infractions for which a minor penalty is imposed, each of which has its own rule. These include: boarding (Rule 42), cross-checking (Rule 59), delay of game (Rule 63), holding (Rule 54), hooking (Rule 55), instigator (Rule 47) and roughing (Rule 51).
My favorite highlight: 16.2, Short Handed. "Short handed" means that the team must be below the numerical strength of its opponent on the ice at the time the goal is scored. The minor or bench minor penalty which terminates automatically is the one with the least amount of time on the clock. Thus coincident minor penalties to both Teams do not cause either to be "short handed" (see Rule 19). If while a team is "short handed" by one or more minor or bench minor penalties, the opposing team scores a goal, the first of such penalties shall automatically terminate.
The final scores: Carolina 3, Tampa Bay 1. Pittsburgh 3, Atlanta 2. San Jose 3, Anaheim 2.
Number of minor penalties: Tampa/Carolina: 9. Pittsburgh/Atlanta: 6. San Jose/Anaheim: 11.
The morals of the story:
The game: Ah. I get it now. If you're short-handed and you score, all the more impressive. And, if the other team scores, well... at least the penalty is erased. In life if you did things like roughing, hooking, holding or boarding to a total stranger you'd go to jail. The penalty bench is the hockey equivalent of prison. And scoring against a short handed team is the equivalent of a jail break.
Life: We need this rule for the minor penalties we commit in life. If you have committed a minor penalty in the past five years that is still affecting your life choices, you shall be ruled out of everyday life for a minimum of six months to rethink some things, thus leaving your friends and family short handed. If someone among these individuals does something that redeems you in your place, your penalty is automatically removed from the clock and you are allowed to return to your regularly scheduled life.
Aforementioned penalties include, but are not limited to: breaking up with your boyfriend/girlfriend because you thought you could do better only to realize that was as good as it gets, remodeling your own kitchen when you probably should have let a contractor do it, scraping the car next to you while parking and not leaving a note for them and calling in sick on a Monday because you "just couldn't deal."
Next up on 11/22: Section 4, Types of Penalties. Rule 17, Bench Minor Penalties.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Day 15, Rule 15
The games: Tampa Bay vs. Anaheim and Pittsburgh vs. Ottawa.
Why I chose them: My small but mighty band of followers can skip this section, since the reasons should be obvious. For newbies, my favorite French hockey captain faces off against my favorite Swiss goalie. And, Max Talbot returns to Pittsburgh's lineup. All three speak fluent French. I believe my French word for today will be reluquer...to eye or ogle.
My peeve: Wasn't Max Talbot and Sergei Gonchar returning to the lineup supposed to be helpful? (see final score below).
The rule: Section 4, Types of Penalties. Rule 15, Calling of Penalties.
Number of sections in the rule: 5.
Definition: Aha. So now I understand how they decide a double minor penalty. And the determination of the face off location. Now we're getting somewhere. This rule defines what drives most fans to near-cardiac events in the stands. It tells the refs how to call a penalty when a goal is scored, the signals to be used when calling a penalty, how signaled penalties will be assessed and/or imposed, and where faceoffs will happen after a penalty has been called. But nowhere does it say what fans should do when they disagree with a call. I might suggest that to the NHL for future...it could save lives.
My favorite highlights: 15.2, Calling a minor penalty - goal scored. If the penalty to be imposed is a minor penalty and a goal is scored on the play by the non-offending side, the minor penalty shall not be imposed but major and match penalties shall be imposed in the normal manner regardless of whather or not a goal is scored. If two or more penalties were to be imposed and a goal is scored on the play by the non-offending side, the Captain of the offending team shall designate to the Referee which minor penalt(ies) will be assessed and which minor penalty will be washed out as the result of the scoring of the goal.
So, the best way for the offending team to get out of an extra penalty and the accompanying power play is for the opposing team to score a goal? On the other hand, the Captain gets to pick which one they get out of. It's like when you eat a cupcake and then go work out for 2 hours. It's not that you didn't eat the cupcake, it's just that you burned it off before your fat cells caught wise.
The final score: Ottawa 6, Pittsburgh 2. Anaheim 4, Tampa Bay 3.
Number of times rule violated: If I polled fans at Honda Center, the number of times a ref called the wrong penalty, assessed it incorrectly or didn't call one at all would be...let's see now...plus two, carry the three, add a zero...at least, what... 50?
Morals of the story:
The game: Even here in the WHL league in Portland, we boo the refs, every time. But they keep the peace in an game that's anything but peaceful. In return for knowing by heart all 87 rules and the signals for calls, they get booed and underpaid. I have a master's degree and it took me an hour just to understand this rule. And I still have 72 more to go. Give the poor boys a break, fellow fans. We don't have to like what they do, but we do owe them our respect.
Life: Usually in life if you commit the equivalent of a minor penalty, you get a parking ticket, you get a fee charged by your bank for overdraft, or you owe late fees to Blockbuster. We need a more complicated rule for calling penalties, so as to escape said penalties in certain circumstances. For example, if you are late returning your copy of the latest Star Trek movie because you're a nerd and had to watch the final battle scene a few extra times, the late fee should be canceled if you purchase a large tub of popcorn and a new copy of said DVD now that your bank put back the overdraft fee they shouldn't have charged in the first place.
Next up on 11/21: Section 4, Types of Penalties. Rule 16, Minor Penalties.
Why I chose them: My small but mighty band of followers can skip this section, since the reasons should be obvious. For newbies, my favorite French hockey captain faces off against my favorite Swiss goalie. And, Max Talbot returns to Pittsburgh's lineup. All three speak fluent French. I believe my French word for today will be reluquer...to eye or ogle.
My peeve: Wasn't Max Talbot and Sergei Gonchar returning to the lineup supposed to be helpful? (see final score below).
The rule: Section 4, Types of Penalties. Rule 15, Calling of Penalties.
Number of sections in the rule: 5.
Definition: Aha. So now I understand how they decide a double minor penalty. And the determination of the face off location. Now we're getting somewhere. This rule defines what drives most fans to near-cardiac events in the stands. It tells the refs how to call a penalty when a goal is scored, the signals to be used when calling a penalty, how signaled penalties will be assessed and/or imposed, and where faceoffs will happen after a penalty has been called. But nowhere does it say what fans should do when they disagree with a call. I might suggest that to the NHL for future...it could save lives.
My favorite highlights: 15.2, Calling a minor penalty - goal scored. If the penalty to be imposed is a minor penalty and a goal is scored on the play by the non-offending side, the minor penalty shall not be imposed but major and match penalties shall be imposed in the normal manner regardless of whather or not a goal is scored. If two or more penalties were to be imposed and a goal is scored on the play by the non-offending side, the Captain of the offending team shall designate to the Referee which minor penalt(ies) will be assessed and which minor penalty will be washed out as the result of the scoring of the goal.
So, the best way for the offending team to get out of an extra penalty and the accompanying power play is for the opposing team to score a goal? On the other hand, the Captain gets to pick which one they get out of. It's like when you eat a cupcake and then go work out for 2 hours. It's not that you didn't eat the cupcake, it's just that you burned it off before your fat cells caught wise.
The final score: Ottawa 6, Pittsburgh 2. Anaheim 4, Tampa Bay 3.
Number of times rule violated: If I polled fans at Honda Center, the number of times a ref called the wrong penalty, assessed it incorrectly or didn't call one at all would be...let's see now...plus two, carry the three, add a zero...at least, what... 50?
Morals of the story:
The game: Even here in the WHL league in Portland, we boo the refs, every time. But they keep the peace in an game that's anything but peaceful. In return for knowing by heart all 87 rules and the signals for calls, they get booed and underpaid. I have a master's degree and it took me an hour just to understand this rule. And I still have 72 more to go. Give the poor boys a break, fellow fans. We don't have to like what they do, but we do owe them our respect.
Life: Usually in life if you commit the equivalent of a minor penalty, you get a parking ticket, you get a fee charged by your bank for overdraft, or you owe late fees to Blockbuster. We need a more complicated rule for calling penalties, so as to escape said penalties in certain circumstances. For example, if you are late returning your copy of the latest Star Trek movie because you're a nerd and had to watch the final battle scene a few extra times, the late fee should be canceled if you purchase a large tub of popcorn and a new copy of said DVD now that your bank put back the overdraft fee they shouldn't have charged in the first place.
Next up on 11/21: Section 4, Types of Penalties. Rule 16, Minor Penalties.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Day 14, Rule 14
The games: Washington Capitals vs. New York Rangers and Carolina vs. Montreal.
Why I chose them: Alex Ovechkin is back and I'm trying relearn French. I could take a class, but why bother when the Montreal game is broadcast en Francais?
My peeve: Critics are ripping my favorite honkin' tall French hockey captain (see previous entries) and calling out the fact that he's been moved to a fourth line. Me personally...if I'd been drafted in the first round, granted Captaincy at 19, stripped of it, gotten it back, won a Stanley Cup, survived John Tortorella and the lockout, only to come in dead last in my division a few years later and topped it off with surgery that ended my 2009 season, I'd give up, move to a cave with a Costco sized supply of wine, peanut butter and Oreos and never come out again.
This is America, world capital of the comeback. Which unless I missed a memo is underway - check the replay of the Tampa Bay/Phoenix game last night. Or, if you're also out there relearning French, Avancer, mes amis.
The rule: Section 3, Equipment. Rule 14, Adjustment to Clothing or Equipment.
Number of sections in the rule: 1.
Definition: This rule basically states that if you need to adjust your uniform or equipment during a game you need to either leave the game or get over it. And don't even THINK about delaying the game with it. Not allowed and not tolerated. There's not even a penalty - it's like the "don't even go there" rule. They won't even bother with your weenie ass.
My favorite highlights: 14.1, Adjustment to Clothing or Equipment. Play shall not be stopped nor the game delayed by reasons of adjustments to clothing, equipment, skates or sticks. The onus of maintaining clothing and equipment shall be upon the player. If adjustments are required, the player shall leave the ice and play shall continue with a substitute.
The final scores: Washington 4, New York 2. Montreal 3, Carolina 2 (SO).
Number of times rule violated: No one left the game with a wedgie during a power play, so I'm going with 0.
Morals of the story:
The game: Wedgies aside, this rule is all about personal responsbility. So much so that's it's just expected you'll follow the rule. There's no penalty - you just have to leave. Gone. Poof. In the wind. There's not a lot to go on here, so I'm assuming this is for major adjustments like something coming untied or unstrapped or protective gear that needs fixing. Which is no big deal if it's early in the season and it's the first period and you're up by 2 goals. But what if it's game 7 of the finals and you're tied at 3 with two minutes to go? Adjusting our clothing is something simple we all do everyday, but if hockey players have to do this at the wrong moment during a crucial game they're toast.
Life: If this rule existed in life, I'd have to leave the game every three seconds. I'd get no ice time. I was just never one of those women who had it together. My hair is forever out of place. My shoes slip off my heel because I have wide toes and skinny ankles. My long rain coat is forever getting caught on the heel of my boots. By the time I got off my 20-minute bus ride this morning, I'd adjusted my pearl necklace, fiddled with my bra straps and pulled up my knee high pantyhose at least 15 times. It's a good thing there's no delay of game in life either, because I'd never get out of the house.
Next up on 11/19: Section 4, Types of Penalties. Rule 15, Calling of Penalties.
Why I chose them: Alex Ovechkin is back and I'm trying relearn French. I could take a class, but why bother when the Montreal game is broadcast en Francais?
My peeve: Critics are ripping my favorite honkin' tall French hockey captain (see previous entries) and calling out the fact that he's been moved to a fourth line. Me personally...if I'd been drafted in the first round, granted Captaincy at 19, stripped of it, gotten it back, won a Stanley Cup, survived John Tortorella and the lockout, only to come in dead last in my division a few years later and topped it off with surgery that ended my 2009 season, I'd give up, move to a cave with a Costco sized supply of wine, peanut butter and Oreos and never come out again.
This is America, world capital of the comeback. Which unless I missed a memo is underway - check the replay of the Tampa Bay/Phoenix game last night. Or, if you're also out there relearning French, Avancer, mes amis.
The rule: Section 3, Equipment. Rule 14, Adjustment to Clothing or Equipment.
Number of sections in the rule: 1.
Definition: This rule basically states that if you need to adjust your uniform or equipment during a game you need to either leave the game or get over it. And don't even THINK about delaying the game with it. Not allowed and not tolerated. There's not even a penalty - it's like the "don't even go there" rule. They won't even bother with your weenie ass.
My favorite highlights: 14.1, Adjustment to Clothing or Equipment. Play shall not be stopped nor the game delayed by reasons of adjustments to clothing, equipment, skates or sticks. The onus of maintaining clothing and equipment shall be upon the player. If adjustments are required, the player shall leave the ice and play shall continue with a substitute.
The final scores: Washington 4, New York 2. Montreal 3, Carolina 2 (SO).
Number of times rule violated: No one left the game with a wedgie during a power play, so I'm going with 0.
Morals of the story:
The game: Wedgies aside, this rule is all about personal responsbility. So much so that's it's just expected you'll follow the rule. There's no penalty - you just have to leave. Gone. Poof. In the wind. There's not a lot to go on here, so I'm assuming this is for major adjustments like something coming untied or unstrapped or protective gear that needs fixing. Which is no big deal if it's early in the season and it's the first period and you're up by 2 goals. But what if it's game 7 of the finals and you're tied at 3 with two minutes to go? Adjusting our clothing is something simple we all do everyday, but if hockey players have to do this at the wrong moment during a crucial game they're toast.
Life: If this rule existed in life, I'd have to leave the game every three seconds. I'd get no ice time. I was just never one of those women who had it together. My hair is forever out of place. My shoes slip off my heel because I have wide toes and skinny ankles. My long rain coat is forever getting caught on the heel of my boots. By the time I got off my 20-minute bus ride this morning, I'd adjusted my pearl necklace, fiddled with my bra straps and pulled up my knee high pantyhose at least 15 times. It's a good thing there's no delay of game in life either, because I'd never get out of the house.
Next up on 11/19: Section 4, Types of Penalties. Rule 15, Calling of Penalties.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Day 13, Rule 13
The game: Pittsburgh vs. Anaheim.
Why I chose it: Jonas Hiller was scheduled to start in the net for Anaheim. Evgeni Malkin's back, and on a line with Sidney Crosby. Enough said.
My peeve: My favorite netminder faces off against my favorite team. Major dilemma: I have to pick a side. I'm sticking with Anaheim. They aren't even on their own side right now, so I'm appointing myself in their place. It's like the Miranda laws -- if you cannot afford to play like one team with total confidence, a fan who believes in you will be appointed to you at no charge until you find your game again. Besides, what do they have to lose?
The rule: Section 3, Equipment. Rule 13, Puck.
Number of sections in the rule: 3.
Definition: This outlines the type of rubber from which the puck must be made (vulcanized); the width and weight of the puck (one inch thick and three inches wide, must weigh between 5.5 and 6 ounces); the home team's obligation to maintain an adequate supply of frozen pucks; and the point at which illegal pucks can be removed from the ice (after play in progress is completed by a change in possession). Vulcanized rubber, by the way, is "cured" with chemicals to shape and solidify it, including sulfur, peroxide, urethane or metallic oxides. Just a suggestion for the NHL bigwigs...might want to get on board with that whole green thing for 2010. Just a thought.
My favorite highlight: 13.2, Supply. The home team shall be responsible for providing an adequate supply of official pucks which shall be kept in a frozen condition. This supply of pucks shall be kept at the penalty bench under the control of one of the regular off-ice Officials or a special attendant. Someday when I've had enough of the rat race, I'm applying for the job of special attendant. It's a special honor to be chosen to guard pieces of rubber that are an EPA violation. One I would gladly accept with pride. And a biohazard suit.
The final score: Pittsburgh 5, Anaheim 2. And my boy didn't start in net. Time for Plan B: Tampa Bay vs. Phoenix.
Number of times rule violated: 0.
The morals of the story:
The game: This rule just assumes that the home team will provide the adequate, frozen supply of pucks. What if they run out? What if they're not frozen? This rule has no penalty or subsitution rules for not maintaining an adequate supply, not maintaining them in a frozen state or purposefully running out of pucks to delay the game. Nothing. This assumes the home team will adhere to the honor system and supply the pucks without question or penalty. At last, proof there is fairness in hockey.
Life: I'd love to see this rule instituted for Winter Classic or Super Bowl viewing parties. The host shall provide an adequate supply of beer, which will be maintained at a proper chilled temperature throughout the game and stored in a location convenient to the television. I'd hang out at said events, but let's just say I have a few friends who could use a special attendant to keep the microbrews from running out or defrosting on game day. This is why I watch the Winter Classic alone in pajamas.
Next up on 11/17: Section 3, Equipment. Rule 14, Adjustment to Clothing or Equipment.
Why I chose it: Jonas Hiller was scheduled to start in the net for Anaheim. Evgeni Malkin's back, and on a line with Sidney Crosby. Enough said.
My peeve: My favorite netminder faces off against my favorite team. Major dilemma: I have to pick a side. I'm sticking with Anaheim. They aren't even on their own side right now, so I'm appointing myself in their place. It's like the Miranda laws -- if you cannot afford to play like one team with total confidence, a fan who believes in you will be appointed to you at no charge until you find your game again. Besides, what do they have to lose?
The rule: Section 3, Equipment. Rule 13, Puck.
Number of sections in the rule: 3.
Definition: This outlines the type of rubber from which the puck must be made (vulcanized); the width and weight of the puck (one inch thick and three inches wide, must weigh between 5.5 and 6 ounces); the home team's obligation to maintain an adequate supply of frozen pucks; and the point at which illegal pucks can be removed from the ice (after play in progress is completed by a change in possession). Vulcanized rubber, by the way, is "cured" with chemicals to shape and solidify it, including sulfur, peroxide, urethane or metallic oxides. Just a suggestion for the NHL bigwigs...might want to get on board with that whole green thing for 2010. Just a thought.
My favorite highlight: 13.2, Supply. The home team shall be responsible for providing an adequate supply of official pucks which shall be kept in a frozen condition. This supply of pucks shall be kept at the penalty bench under the control of one of the regular off-ice Officials or a special attendant. Someday when I've had enough of the rat race, I'm applying for the job of special attendant. It's a special honor to be chosen to guard pieces of rubber that are an EPA violation. One I would gladly accept with pride. And a biohazard suit.
The final score: Pittsburgh 5, Anaheim 2. And my boy didn't start in net. Time for Plan B: Tampa Bay vs. Phoenix.
Number of times rule violated: 0.
The morals of the story:
The game: This rule just assumes that the home team will provide the adequate, frozen supply of pucks. What if they run out? What if they're not frozen? This rule has no penalty or subsitution rules for not maintaining an adequate supply, not maintaining them in a frozen state or purposefully running out of pucks to delay the game. Nothing. This assumes the home team will adhere to the honor system and supply the pucks without question or penalty. At last, proof there is fairness in hockey.
Life: I'd love to see this rule instituted for Winter Classic or Super Bowl viewing parties. The host shall provide an adequate supply of beer, which will be maintained at a proper chilled temperature throughout the game and stored in a location convenient to the television. I'd hang out at said events, but let's just say I have a few friends who could use a special attendant to keep the microbrews from running out or defrosting on game day. This is why I watch the Winter Classic alone in pajamas.
Next up on 11/17: Section 3, Equipment. Rule 14, Adjustment to Clothing or Equipment.
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