Don't Throw the Stick, Don't Look at the Stick, Don't Feed the Stick Snacks.

The distraction: Getting excited to see the Canadian band Great Big Sea at the Oregon Zoo on Wednesday.

Why: Because they are the best band to see on a warm summer night in a park. And, to refresh, I'll find links to hockey in every part of my life. Don't believe me? Check this out: Bassist Murray Foster is a Toronto Maple Leafs fan and he accurately predicted the outcome of the Canada vs. US Olympic Gold Medal Game. Oh, and he's also totally hot.

The rule: Section 5, Penalties. Other Penalties. Rule 569, Throwing a Stick or Any Object Within the Playing Area.

569.a: Any player or goalkeeper on the ice or bench or team official, who shoots or throws a stick or any part of it, or any object, or who directs (with any part of the body) a stick, any part of it, or any object in the direction of the puck or puck carrier in the Attacking Zone of his team, or in the Neutral Zone shall be assessed a minor penalty. Now, if that wasn't confusing enough, here's more:
Note: the position of the puck or puck carrier at the moment when a stick or any part of it, or any object is thrown, shot or directed (with any part of the body) by an opposing player in the direction of the puck or puck carrier is the determining factor whether to assess a Minor penalty or award a Penalty Shot.

Morals of the story:

The game: When assessing penalties for throwing objects within the playing area, it's good to have options. Also, this may be the only rule I've seen so far that is not accompanied by "at the discretion of the Referee" or "in the judgment of the Referee." If only players would man up and not do immature things like throw objects within or out of the playing area, then we wouldn't even need this rule. But alas, as in life, babies will be babies.

Life: My father once literally threw a math book at me and told me I was an idiot. He was so pissed off, he went outside and tried to water a cactus. Mind, my father majored in engineering at Stanford, while I myself had loftier ambitions like writing best selling novels and starving in a third floor walkup. Plus, my mother told him "Samantha will never be good at math" and then called a tutor. I got the life version of a minor penalty and had to spend precious free time under the tutelage of a math tutor the rest of high school and part of college. But like the rules, it didn't necessarily change my ways. I still can't balance my checkbook without the help of an Excel spreadsheet. And so, just like taking a penalty in hockey, sometimes we take the punishment and we go right back to our lives.

Next up: Section 5, Penalties. Other Penalties. Rule 570, Throwing a Stick or Any Object on a Breakaway Situation.