The games: Anaheim vs. St. Louis, Chicago vs. Vancouver.
Why I chose them: Cutie pie Swiss goalie is starting for Anaheim, and since the Portland Winterhawks' own Brett Ponich was drafted by the Blues, I feel obliged to pay more attention these days. The other is a match-up between two Stanley Cup playoff teams: it's a no-brainer.
The rules: Section 9, Other Fouls. Rule 66, Forfeit of Game. Rule 67, Handling Puck.
Number of sections in the rules: 1 (Rule 66). 6 (Handling Puck).
Definitions:
66.1, Forfeit of Game. In the event of failure by a club to comply with a provision of the League constitution, by-laws, resolutions, rules or regulations affecting the playing of a game, the Referee shall, if so directed by the Commissioner or his designee, refuse to permit the game to proceed until the offending Club comes into compliance with such provision. Should the offending club persist in its refusal to come into compliance, the Referee shall, with the prior approval of the Commissioner or his designee, declare the game forfeited and the non-offending Club the winner. It goes on to state that if both teams persist in refusing to comply, the game is forfeited and the visiting team is declared the winner.
67.1, Handling Puck. A player shall be permitted to stop or "bat" a puck in the air with his open hand, or push it along the ice with his hand, and the play shall not be stopped unless, in the opinion of the on-ice officials, he has deliberately directed the puck to a teammate, or has allowed his team to gain an advantage, in any zone other than the defending zone, in which case the play shall be stopped and a face-off conducted (see Rule 79 - Hand Pass). Play will not be stopped for any hand pass by players in their own defending zone.
My favorite highlights:
Second half of 66.1. If the game is declared forfeited prior to its having commenced, the score shall be recorded as 1-0 and no player shall be credited with any personal statistics. If the game was in progress, the score is recorded as 0 for the loser and 1 or, if greater, the number of goals scored and players are credited with their personal statistics.
67.2, Minor Penalty - Player. A player shall be permitted to catch the puck out of the air but must immediately place it or knock it down to the ice. If he catches it and skates with it, either to avoid a check or to gain a territorial advantage over his opponent, a minor penalty shall be assessed for "closing his hand on the puck." A minor penalty shall be imposed who, while play is in progress, picks up the puck off the ice with his hand.
As always, the penalties for goaltenders are far more complicated. Take this snippet from 67.3, Minor Penalty - Goalkeeper. A goalkeeper who holds the puck with his hands for longer than three seconds shall be given a minor penalty unless he is actually being checked by an opponent. The object of this entire rule is to keep the puck in play continuously and any action taken by the goalkeeper which causes an unnecessary stoppage must be penalized without warning. A goalkeeper shall be assessed a minor penalty when he deliberately holds the puck in any manner which, in the opinion of the Referee, causes an unnecessary stoppage of play. A minor penalty can also be assessed to the goalkeeper for the following:
-- throwing the puck towards the opponent's net. Goal is allowed and there's no penalty if the non-offending team comes into possession of the puck and scores.
-- deliberately dropping the puck into his pads or onto the goal net.
-- deliberately piling up snow or obstacles near the net that would prevent the scoring of a goal.
Final scores: St. Louis 3, Anaheim 3 at the end of regulation (all three Ducks goals were scored in the last 15 minutes of the third period). It's going to a shootout.
Morals of the story:
The game: How stupid and arrogant do you have to be to cause a forfeit of game, especially if you're the home team? There's no advantage in terms of the score, you just cost all the other players their chance at racking up some stats and fans get royally pissed they'll miss a game for which they payed good money. File it under not cool, dude. Ditto for doing obvious crap like picking the puck up off the ice or stuff like piling up snow or dropping the puck into your pads. If you're gonna do it, at least play like a true hockey player...be unfair and try to hide it.
Life: Handling the puck is a good rule for life. Keep the game in motion and don't slow it down or screw it up with stupid stuff. It's easy to be tempted along the path of life by the equivalent of holding the puck, but in the end it only leads to a stoppage of play and a minor penalty. Here are just a few things for which we should be hit with a minor penalty if we handle the puck to gain an advantage:
-- Cheating "just a little" on your income taxes in order to keep the money for yourself to reinvest in Wall Street or go on a four-star vacation. Minor penalty: A year-long audit of every 1040, W-2 and whatever that you ever cheated on, in a small room with one flourescent bulb and an IRS agent with coffee breath, and a full repayment of said taxes, with 50 percent interest.
-- Pirating of your next door neighbor's cable, 'cause, hey he's got a Princeton degree and a cushy day job and he can afford to miss a few movies and sporting events now and again so I can take what life didn't give me. Minor penalty: Being blacklisted at Comcast so you'll never be able to get your own cable, even if you can afford it one day, and having a little chip put into your computer that would prevent you from watching free episodes of anything online (exception: bad network sitcoms with laugh tracks, which you can watch in abundance).
Next up on 1/24: Section 9, Other Fouls. Rule 68, Illegal Substitution. Rule 69, Interference on the Goalkeeper.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Day 64, Rules 64 and 65
In case you're keeping track: There are 22 days to the Olympic opening ceremoney and 22 rules to go. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.
The games: Pittsburgh vs. Washington, Anaheim vs. San Jose. Portland Winterhawks vs. Kamloops Blazers (WHL, game on 1/20).
Why I chose them: It's a Stanley Cup rematch and my favorite Swiss Goalie is in the net on Thursday, which is the new Friday.
Ooh! Did I say that out loud?: I admit it, I kind of wanted Kamloops to win last night, so Kurtis Mucha could have a little vengeance on his former home ice. There. I said it. Now I feel better.
Note to Ian Curtis: Ok, here's the deal. I've sat in just about every section this year, including the nosebleed section at the Dec. 29 game, where yes, I waited the full hour and 45 minutes for the game to start and stayed to the end. And I can tell you that based on what I've heard around me, we do believe in you. We love our town and we love people who love our town. But we also loved Kurtis. All we ask from you in return is that you believe in yourself. Translation: No more letting 3 goals through in the first period against Tri-Cities. Feb. 10, I'm bringing friends and we come seeking revenge. Here is our motto (well, ok, it's my motto, but they can sit there and like it): The Tri-City Americans are toast. Hey, worked for the Chilliwack game (see previous entry).
The rules: Section 9, Other Fouls. Rule 64, Diving/Embellishment and Rule 65, Equipment.
Number of sections in the rules: 3 (Rule 64). 2 (Rule 65).
The quirk: The equipment rule actually appears earlier in the rule book in Section 3, Equipment, Rule 14, Adjustment to Clothing or Equipment.
Definitions: 64.1, Diving and Embellishment. Any player who blatantly dives, embellishes a fall or reaction, or who feigns an injury shall be penalized with a minor penalty under this rule. A goalkeeper who deliberately initiates contact with an attacking player other than to establish position in the crease, or who otherwise acts to create the appearance of other than incidental contact with an attacking player, is subject to the assessment of a minor penalty for diving/embellishment.
65.1, Equipment. As I stated in a very early entry (Day 14, Rule 14), this is the "don't even bother, just get out and adjust your equipment" rule.
My favorite highlight: Why don't they just call this what it is: 64.1, Faking Injuries to Gain a Man-Advantage When Everything Else You're Doing Isn't Working. Which I would imagine is why the League invented these punishments:
64.2, Minor Penalty. A minor penalty shall be imposed on player who attempts to draw a penalty by his actions ("diving/embellisment"). 64.3, Fines and Suspensions. Regardless if a minor penalty for diving/embellishment is called, Hockey Operations will review game videos and assess fines to players who dive or embellish a fall or a reaction, or who feign injury. The first such incident will result in a warning letter sent to the player. The second such incident will result in a one thousand dollar ($1000) fine. For a third such incident in the season, the player shall be suspended for one game, pending a phone conversation with the Director of Hockey Operations.
Final scores: Washington 5, Pittsburgh 3. Winterhawks 5, Kamloops 2. Anaheim 0, San Jose 0 in the 1st period.
Morals of the story:
The game: I want to see what the letter to the player says:
Dear Hockey Player,
This letter is to remind you of the penalties associated with being caught in the act of being a liar and a pussy during your little display of total immaturity and unsportsmanlike conduct on Friday night. In addition to the well-deserved minor penalty you have already received, you will also have $1000 subtracted from your total salary of $25 million for this year. We realize that this will have a minimal impact on your salary and accompanying lavish superstar lifestyle. Therefore, if you insist upon being a little drama queen, you will be suspended for a period of one game. In addition, please note that your actions may result in your being permanently shunned by fans, opposing teams, your own teammates and coaches, and intelligent, free-thinking citizens everywhere.
And finally, please note that your actions have been reviewed by video and may not be disputed by you or your team under any circumstances.
Sincerely,
Director of Hockey Operations
Or, even better, the phone conversation: Look, dumb-ass, get your crap together and don't do it again. Fans hate you, players think you're a wuss and you are an embarrassment to the sport. And by the way, the ladies think it's the act of a pussy, so you're not attracting their attention either. Now, go home and think it over.
Life: I would classify the following life blunders as the equivalent of diving/embellishment:
-- Talking on a cell phone to no one in a loud voice in thoroughly inappropriate locations like morning bus rides, Starbucks lines and movie theatres, so the people around you have no choice but to tolerate a fake conversation you are having to demonstrate how important you think you are. Like diving, all you're doing is annoying other people and embarrassing yourself. No, I don't do this. I need special help to plug my cell phone into the charger. The one time I got a text message, I needed the instruction booklet to figure out how to delete it.
-- 20-something women who wear skinny jeans, a sparkly tank top and five-inch red stilletto stripper heels to a hockey game on a Wednesday night. Yes, this happened the other night at a Winterhawks game. First, it's hovering around 40 degrees in that rink - most fans are wearing fleece, a small space heater and sweaters. You will stand out, which is of course the point, but here's the thing: the players are too busy watching what's right in front of them to notice what's in the audience. The only men noticing this poor girl were married, beer-bellied, foul-mouthed truck drivers who had knocked a few back by the second period. Want to meet the players, go to a Fred Meyer autograph session. Note to other fans who may be in said store at the time of said event, if you hear the announcement "clean up in aisle 5! Ma'am. Ma'am, put the Winterhawks down and walk away" you'll know why.
Next up on 1/22: Section 9, Other Fouls. Rule 66, Forfeit of Game and Rule 67, Handling Puck.
The games: Pittsburgh vs. Washington, Anaheim vs. San Jose. Portland Winterhawks vs. Kamloops Blazers (WHL, game on 1/20).
Why I chose them: It's a Stanley Cup rematch and my favorite Swiss Goalie is in the net on Thursday, which is the new Friday.
Ooh! Did I say that out loud?: I admit it, I kind of wanted Kamloops to win last night, so Kurtis Mucha could have a little vengeance on his former home ice. There. I said it. Now I feel better.
Note to Ian Curtis: Ok, here's the deal. I've sat in just about every section this year, including the nosebleed section at the Dec. 29 game, where yes, I waited the full hour and 45 minutes for the game to start and stayed to the end. And I can tell you that based on what I've heard around me, we do believe in you. We love our town and we love people who love our town. But we also loved Kurtis. All we ask from you in return is that you believe in yourself. Translation: No more letting 3 goals through in the first period against Tri-Cities. Feb. 10, I'm bringing friends and we come seeking revenge. Here is our motto (well, ok, it's my motto, but they can sit there and like it): The Tri-City Americans are toast. Hey, worked for the Chilliwack game (see previous entry).
The rules: Section 9, Other Fouls. Rule 64, Diving/Embellishment and Rule 65, Equipment.
Number of sections in the rules: 3 (Rule 64). 2 (Rule 65).
The quirk: The equipment rule actually appears earlier in the rule book in Section 3, Equipment, Rule 14, Adjustment to Clothing or Equipment.
Definitions: 64.1, Diving and Embellishment. Any player who blatantly dives, embellishes a fall or reaction, or who feigns an injury shall be penalized with a minor penalty under this rule. A goalkeeper who deliberately initiates contact with an attacking player other than to establish position in the crease, or who otherwise acts to create the appearance of other than incidental contact with an attacking player, is subject to the assessment of a minor penalty for diving/embellishment.
65.1, Equipment. As I stated in a very early entry (Day 14, Rule 14), this is the "don't even bother, just get out and adjust your equipment" rule.
My favorite highlight: Why don't they just call this what it is: 64.1, Faking Injuries to Gain a Man-Advantage When Everything Else You're Doing Isn't Working. Which I would imagine is why the League invented these punishments:
64.2, Minor Penalty. A minor penalty shall be imposed on player who attempts to draw a penalty by his actions ("diving/embellisment"). 64.3, Fines and Suspensions. Regardless if a minor penalty for diving/embellishment is called, Hockey Operations will review game videos and assess fines to players who dive or embellish a fall or a reaction, or who feign injury. The first such incident will result in a warning letter sent to the player. The second such incident will result in a one thousand dollar ($1000) fine. For a third such incident in the season, the player shall be suspended for one game, pending a phone conversation with the Director of Hockey Operations.
Final scores: Washington 5, Pittsburgh 3. Winterhawks 5, Kamloops 2. Anaheim 0, San Jose 0 in the 1st period.
Morals of the story:
The game: I want to see what the letter to the player says:
Dear Hockey Player,
This letter is to remind you of the penalties associated with being caught in the act of being a liar and a pussy during your little display of total immaturity and unsportsmanlike conduct on Friday night. In addition to the well-deserved minor penalty you have already received, you will also have $1000 subtracted from your total salary of $25 million for this year. We realize that this will have a minimal impact on your salary and accompanying lavish superstar lifestyle. Therefore, if you insist upon being a little drama queen, you will be suspended for a period of one game. In addition, please note that your actions may result in your being permanently shunned by fans, opposing teams, your own teammates and coaches, and intelligent, free-thinking citizens everywhere.
And finally, please note that your actions have been reviewed by video and may not be disputed by you or your team under any circumstances.
Sincerely,
Director of Hockey Operations
Or, even better, the phone conversation: Look, dumb-ass, get your crap together and don't do it again. Fans hate you, players think you're a wuss and you are an embarrassment to the sport. And by the way, the ladies think it's the act of a pussy, so you're not attracting their attention either. Now, go home and think it over.
Life: I would classify the following life blunders as the equivalent of diving/embellishment:
-- Talking on a cell phone to no one in a loud voice in thoroughly inappropriate locations like morning bus rides, Starbucks lines and movie theatres, so the people around you have no choice but to tolerate a fake conversation you are having to demonstrate how important you think you are. Like diving, all you're doing is annoying other people and embarrassing yourself. No, I don't do this. I need special help to plug my cell phone into the charger. The one time I got a text message, I needed the instruction booklet to figure out how to delete it.
-- 20-something women who wear skinny jeans, a sparkly tank top and five-inch red stilletto stripper heels to a hockey game on a Wednesday night. Yes, this happened the other night at a Winterhawks game. First, it's hovering around 40 degrees in that rink - most fans are wearing fleece, a small space heater and sweaters. You will stand out, which is of course the point, but here's the thing: the players are too busy watching what's right in front of them to notice what's in the audience. The only men noticing this poor girl were married, beer-bellied, foul-mouthed truck drivers who had knocked a few back by the second period. Want to meet the players, go to a Fred Meyer autograph session. Note to other fans who may be in said store at the time of said event, if you hear the announcement "clean up in aisle 5! Ma'am. Ma'am, put the Winterhawks down and walk away" you'll know why.
Next up on 1/22: Section 9, Other Fouls. Rule 66, Forfeit of Game and Rule 67, Handling Puck.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Day 62, Rules 62 and 63
The games: New York Islanders vs. Pittsburgh, Anaheim vs. Buffalo.
Why I chose them: It's the Pens barreling at high speed out of a losing streak. If the right netminders are in the net for the Ducks and the Sabres, it's picnic time for goalie groupies.
The quirks: The goalies' last names rhyme (Hiller and Miller). If Kurtis Mucha hadn't been traded, the Winterhawks' goalies first and last names would have been the same.
Reason to get up at 6 am tomorrow for an early start with a "Power Breakfast" at the Governor Hotel: After more than a week of no live hockey in Portland, the Winterhawks return to home ice at 7 pm, and former goalie Kurtis Mucha will be honored before the Winterhawks game against his new team, the Kamloops Blazers. Ian Curtis will presumably be at the other end minding our net. With his fancy new homage-to-Portland helmet, thank you. Definitely picnic time for goalie groupies.
Portlanders, we know we're in the big time when: NHL.com has a video and little headline calling out Nino's one-handed goal at the prospects game. For non-Portlanders and/or non-Winterhawks fans: Google Nino Niederreiter. If you don't know him yet, you will.
The rules: Section 8, Stick Fouls. Rule 62, Spearing. Rule 63, Delaying the Game.
Number of sections in the rules: 6 (Rule 62). 7 (Rule 63). Extra note: One of the longest sections in any rule so far is 63.2, Minor Penalty. It starts at the top of page 87 and ends near the bottom of page 88.
Definitions: 62.1, Spearing. Spearing shall mean stabbing an opponent with the print of the stick blade, whether contact is made or not. 63.1, Delaying the Game. A player or team may be penalized when, in the opinion of the Referee, is delaying the game in any manner.
Choice bits and highlights: 63.2, Minor Penalty. I want to see this one: If a goalkeeper comes out of his crease to "cut down the angle" on a shot and after making the save covers the puck, this shall be legal. If the goalkeeper races out his crease in an attempt to beat the attacking player to the puck and instead of playing the puck jumps on the puck causing a stoppage of play, this shall be a minor penalty for delay of game. Excuse me, since when do goalies go "racing out of the crease?" Besides, how are they supposed to play the puck, when two paragraphs later the rule states "a goalkeeper shall not play the puck outside of the designated area behind the net."
63.4, Objects Thrown on the Ice. When objects are thrown on the ice during a stoppage of play, including after the scoring of a goal, the Referee shall have announced over the public address system that any further occurrences will result in a bench minor penalty being assessed to the home Team. So, fans, if you want to obstruct justice, as it were, you're not helping your team. But there is one exception, of course....Articles thrown onto the ice following a special occasion (i.e. hat trick) will not result in a bench minor penalty being assessed.
And lastly, 63.5, Penalty Shot. No defending player, except the goalkeeper, will be permitted to fall on the puck, hold the puck, pick up the puck or gather the puck into the body or hands when the puck is within the goal crease. So, leave it to the professionals, you players, and don't look at the puck, don't touch the puck, don't feed the puck snacks.
Infractions for which penalties, penalty shots or awarded goals may be imposed include:
-- Deliberately shooting the puck out of play.
-- Shooting or batting the puck (with the hand or stick) over the glass from the defending zone.
-- Refusing to put the correct number of players on the ice. Oh please, get over it. You're not gonna win this one.
-- Persisting in having players in an off-side position. Again, get over it. Not helping.
The final scores: Pittsburgh 6, Islanders 4, courtesty of a Malkin hat trick. Official status of his scoring slump: OVER. DONE. FINITO. Anaheim is up by 4 -0 at the end of the first. Oh crap! Buffalo just scored twice in the first minute of the second. And it's all downhill from here: Belesky just accidentally whacked Ryan Getzlaf in the head. But wait, Dan Sexton's out on the ice and uninjured - all is not lost when Anaheim's young upstart is on the scoring prowl.
The morals of the story:
The game: Oh. I get it now. This is the "I'm young and strong but there's been three road games in a row and we're losing and injured and we have a 6 hour flight after this game, even I need sleep and protein and I'm exhausted and I've tried to get past these opponents all night, they're pissing me off and we've only gotten five shots on goal and I give up, I need a break" rule.
Life: We have a word for this rule in life: it's called fear. The ultimate delay of game technique. For our own good, these are the types of things for which we should be penalized if we delay our own game:
-- Offense: Not writing that best selling novel, play, movie script or writing it and not trying to sell it, making the excuse that it will never get published anyway because all those agents and professional organizations tell you at annual meetings and power lunches that they don't take unsolicited manuscripts and you have to have an agent to get seen by a publishing company, but you can't get an agent because they only take on authors who are recommended to them by other agents or were already published. Or, if you do get published, the fear it will tank and you'll develop writer's block and never write another masterpiece. Penalty: Being purposefully embedded with writer's block and put on a publishers' black list, and watching with "well if she did it, I could have" envy while the 25 year old upstart in your office who was also writing a novel in her spare time breaks on through and defies the odds because she was willing to believe and be unafraid.
-- Offense: Being afraid to do whatever (pick the dream of your choice) because you're worred you'll fail miserably or have to suffer some form of public humiliation and personal criticism as a result. And, to make yourself feel better, criticizing other people who did take the chance and did well, but all you can say is how they're probably not really that happy or they got the dream by cheating or some other illicit means. Or, this classic: "I could have done that, but...fill in the excuse of your choice. Penalty: If you're doing this, you're living the worst punishment already. Nobody knows you, cares about you or has any opinion of you at all. While you sit alone in your little apartment and read about other people who were willing to risk the humiliation to get what they wanted, they are out there right now living your dream. Here's the thing: in 2001, Erik Weihenmeyer became the first blind man to summit Mt. Everest. Oh, and by the way, he also holds a master's degree and has summited Mt. Kilimanjaro. Thanks to him, there is no excuse for the rest of us. Zip. Zilch.
Next up on 1/21: Section 9, Other Fouls. Rule 64, Diving/Embellishment.
Why I chose them: It's the Pens barreling at high speed out of a losing streak. If the right netminders are in the net for the Ducks and the Sabres, it's picnic time for goalie groupies.
The quirks: The goalies' last names rhyme (Hiller and Miller). If Kurtis Mucha hadn't been traded, the Winterhawks' goalies first and last names would have been the same.
Reason to get up at 6 am tomorrow for an early start with a "Power Breakfast" at the Governor Hotel: After more than a week of no live hockey in Portland, the Winterhawks return to home ice at 7 pm, and former goalie Kurtis Mucha will be honored before the Winterhawks game against his new team, the Kamloops Blazers. Ian Curtis will presumably be at the other end minding our net. With his fancy new homage-to-Portland helmet, thank you. Definitely picnic time for goalie groupies.
Portlanders, we know we're in the big time when: NHL.com has a video and little headline calling out Nino's one-handed goal at the prospects game. For non-Portlanders and/or non-Winterhawks fans: Google Nino Niederreiter. If you don't know him yet, you will.
The rules: Section 8, Stick Fouls. Rule 62, Spearing. Rule 63, Delaying the Game.
Number of sections in the rules: 6 (Rule 62). 7 (Rule 63). Extra note: One of the longest sections in any rule so far is 63.2, Minor Penalty. It starts at the top of page 87 and ends near the bottom of page 88.
Definitions: 62.1, Spearing. Spearing shall mean stabbing an opponent with the print of the stick blade, whether contact is made or not. 63.1, Delaying the Game. A player or team may be penalized when, in the opinion of the Referee, is delaying the game in any manner.
Choice bits and highlights: 63.2, Minor Penalty. I want to see this one: If a goalkeeper comes out of his crease to "cut down the angle" on a shot and after making the save covers the puck, this shall be legal. If the goalkeeper races out his crease in an attempt to beat the attacking player to the puck and instead of playing the puck jumps on the puck causing a stoppage of play, this shall be a minor penalty for delay of game. Excuse me, since when do goalies go "racing out of the crease?" Besides, how are they supposed to play the puck, when two paragraphs later the rule states "a goalkeeper shall not play the puck outside of the designated area behind the net."
63.4, Objects Thrown on the Ice. When objects are thrown on the ice during a stoppage of play, including after the scoring of a goal, the Referee shall have announced over the public address system that any further occurrences will result in a bench minor penalty being assessed to the home Team. So, fans, if you want to obstruct justice, as it were, you're not helping your team. But there is one exception, of course....Articles thrown onto the ice following a special occasion (i.e. hat trick) will not result in a bench minor penalty being assessed.
And lastly, 63.5, Penalty Shot. No defending player, except the goalkeeper, will be permitted to fall on the puck, hold the puck, pick up the puck or gather the puck into the body or hands when the puck is within the goal crease. So, leave it to the professionals, you players, and don't look at the puck, don't touch the puck, don't feed the puck snacks.
Infractions for which penalties, penalty shots or awarded goals may be imposed include:
-- Deliberately shooting the puck out of play.
-- Shooting or batting the puck (with the hand or stick) over the glass from the defending zone.
-- Refusing to put the correct number of players on the ice. Oh please, get over it. You're not gonna win this one.
-- Persisting in having players in an off-side position. Again, get over it. Not helping.
The final scores: Pittsburgh 6, Islanders 4, courtesty of a Malkin hat trick. Official status of his scoring slump: OVER. DONE. FINITO. Anaheim is up by 4 -0 at the end of the first. Oh crap! Buffalo just scored twice in the first minute of the second. And it's all downhill from here: Belesky just accidentally whacked Ryan Getzlaf in the head. But wait, Dan Sexton's out on the ice and uninjured - all is not lost when Anaheim's young upstart is on the scoring prowl.
The morals of the story:
The game: Oh. I get it now. This is the "I'm young and strong but there's been three road games in a row and we're losing and injured and we have a 6 hour flight after this game, even I need sleep and protein and I'm exhausted and I've tried to get past these opponents all night, they're pissing me off and we've only gotten five shots on goal and I give up, I need a break" rule.
Life: We have a word for this rule in life: it's called fear. The ultimate delay of game technique. For our own good, these are the types of things for which we should be penalized if we delay our own game:
-- Offense: Not writing that best selling novel, play, movie script or writing it and not trying to sell it, making the excuse that it will never get published anyway because all those agents and professional organizations tell you at annual meetings and power lunches that they don't take unsolicited manuscripts and you have to have an agent to get seen by a publishing company, but you can't get an agent because they only take on authors who are recommended to them by other agents or were already published. Or, if you do get published, the fear it will tank and you'll develop writer's block and never write another masterpiece. Penalty: Being purposefully embedded with writer's block and put on a publishers' black list, and watching with "well if she did it, I could have" envy while the 25 year old upstart in your office who was also writing a novel in her spare time breaks on through and defies the odds because she was willing to believe and be unafraid.
-- Offense: Being afraid to do whatever (pick the dream of your choice) because you're worred you'll fail miserably or have to suffer some form of public humiliation and personal criticism as a result. And, to make yourself feel better, criticizing other people who did take the chance and did well, but all you can say is how they're probably not really that happy or they got the dream by cheating or some other illicit means. Or, this classic: "I could have done that, but...fill in the excuse of your choice. Penalty: If you're doing this, you're living the worst punishment already. Nobody knows you, cares about you or has any opinion of you at all. While you sit alone in your little apartment and read about other people who were willing to risk the humiliation to get what they wanted, they are out there right now living your dream. Here's the thing: in 2001, Erik Weihenmeyer became the first blind man to summit Mt. Everest. Oh, and by the way, he also holds a master's degree and has summited Mt. Kilimanjaro. Thanks to him, there is no excuse for the rest of us. Zip. Zilch.
Next up on 1/21: Section 9, Other Fouls. Rule 64, Diving/Embellishment.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Day 60, Rules 60 and 61
The game: Detroit vs. Chicago.
Why I chose it: It's Sunday, there's hockey in high-def. It's an original six match-up. Enough said.
My peeve, sort of: Both games I was watching last night ended disastrously, but it's a big week in Portland as we bid temporary farewell and best wishes to four players for the prospects game and we welcome Kurtis Mucha back to town. Win or lose, Wednesday night should be very interesting here in the Rose City.
The rules: Section 8, Stick Fouls. Rule 60, High-sticking. Rule 61, Slashing.
Number of sections in the rules: 6 (Rule 60). 8 (Rule 61).
Definitions: 60.1, High-sticking. A "high stick" is one which is carried above the height of the opponent's shoulders. Players must be in control and responsible for their stick. However, a player is permitted accidental contact on an opponent if the act is committed as a normal windup or follow through of a shooting motion, or accidental contact on the opposing center who is bent over during the course of a face-off. A wild swing at a bouncing puck would not be considered a normal windup or follow through and any contact to an opponent above the height of the shoulders shall be penalized accordingly.
61.1, Slashing. Slashing is the act of swinging his stick at an opponent, whether contact is made or not. Non-agressive stick contact to the pant or front of the shin pads, should not be penalized as slashing. Any forceful or powerful chop with the stick on an opponent's body, the opponent's stick, or on or near the opponent's hand that, in the judgment of the Referee, is not at attempt to play the puck, shall be penalized as slashing. Minor penalty is imposed for slashing, and a major is imposed if injury occurs.
My favorite highlights: 60.5, Goals. An apparent goal scored by an attacking player who strikes the puck with his stick carried above the height of the crossbar of the goal frame shall not be allowed. The determining factor is where the puck makes contact with the stick. If the puck makes contact with the stick below the level of the crossbar and enters the goal, this goal shall be allowed. A goal scored by a defending player who strikes the puck with his stick carried above the height of the crossbar of the goal frame shall be allowed.
The final score: Chicago 4, Detroit 3 (SO).
The morals of the story:
The game: So, basically, if you are stupid enough to be behind a guy while he's setting up for a slapshot and you get hit, sorry Charlie. That's hockey. I love this one -- "players must be in control and responsible for their stick." Oh yeah, those are two things that are plentiful supply in the NHL: control and responsibility.
Life: This is the hockey version of "no harm, no foul." It's like, if you take a swing at somebody, no problem as long as you don't land the punch and hurt someone. But in life, we don't get the privilege of no punishment for accidental contact. If we windup and hit somebody in the process, we go down. For example:
-- Offense: Accidentally tapping another car in the parking lot while trying to wedge your SUV into a space meant for a smart car. Penalty: A blemish on your driving/car insurance record and a lot of really lame paperwork.
-- Offense: Reaching across the little table with milk and napkins and plastic stirrers at Starbucks and knocking a $7 latte all over someone else. Penalty: Total embarrassment, being called out and yelled at by the victim of your clutziness and $7 plus that person's dry cleaning bill. Or, if you live in the United States, land of the free and home of the legal loophole, a lawsuit for punitive damages and emotional distress.
Next up on 1/19: Section 8, Stick Fouls. Rule 62, Spearing. Section 9, Other Fouls. Rule 63, Delaying the Game.
Why I chose it: It's Sunday, there's hockey in high-def. It's an original six match-up. Enough said.
My peeve, sort of: Both games I was watching last night ended disastrously, but it's a big week in Portland as we bid temporary farewell and best wishes to four players for the prospects game and we welcome Kurtis Mucha back to town. Win or lose, Wednesday night should be very interesting here in the Rose City.
The rules: Section 8, Stick Fouls. Rule 60, High-sticking. Rule 61, Slashing.
Number of sections in the rules: 6 (Rule 60). 8 (Rule 61).
Definitions: 60.1, High-sticking. A "high stick" is one which is carried above the height of the opponent's shoulders. Players must be in control and responsible for their stick. However, a player is permitted accidental contact on an opponent if the act is committed as a normal windup or follow through of a shooting motion, or accidental contact on the opposing center who is bent over during the course of a face-off. A wild swing at a bouncing puck would not be considered a normal windup or follow through and any contact to an opponent above the height of the shoulders shall be penalized accordingly.
61.1, Slashing. Slashing is the act of swinging his stick at an opponent, whether contact is made or not. Non-agressive stick contact to the pant or front of the shin pads, should not be penalized as slashing. Any forceful or powerful chop with the stick on an opponent's body, the opponent's stick, or on or near the opponent's hand that, in the judgment of the Referee, is not at attempt to play the puck, shall be penalized as slashing. Minor penalty is imposed for slashing, and a major is imposed if injury occurs.
My favorite highlights: 60.5, Goals. An apparent goal scored by an attacking player who strikes the puck with his stick carried above the height of the crossbar of the goal frame shall not be allowed. The determining factor is where the puck makes contact with the stick. If the puck makes contact with the stick below the level of the crossbar and enters the goal, this goal shall be allowed. A goal scored by a defending player who strikes the puck with his stick carried above the height of the crossbar of the goal frame shall be allowed.
The final score: Chicago 4, Detroit 3 (SO).
The morals of the story:
The game: So, basically, if you are stupid enough to be behind a guy while he's setting up for a slapshot and you get hit, sorry Charlie. That's hockey. I love this one -- "players must be in control and responsible for their stick." Oh yeah, those are two things that are plentiful supply in the NHL: control and responsibility.
Life: This is the hockey version of "no harm, no foul." It's like, if you take a swing at somebody, no problem as long as you don't land the punch and hurt someone. But in life, we don't get the privilege of no punishment for accidental contact. If we windup and hit somebody in the process, we go down. For example:
-- Offense: Accidentally tapping another car in the parking lot while trying to wedge your SUV into a space meant for a smart car. Penalty: A blemish on your driving/car insurance record and a lot of really lame paperwork.
-- Offense: Reaching across the little table with milk and napkins and plastic stirrers at Starbucks and knocking a $7 latte all over someone else. Penalty: Total embarrassment, being called out and yelled at by the victim of your clutziness and $7 plus that person's dry cleaning bill. Or, if you live in the United States, land of the free and home of the legal loophole, a lawsuit for punitive damages and emotional distress.
Next up on 1/19: Section 8, Stick Fouls. Rule 62, Spearing. Section 9, Other Fouls. Rule 63, Delaying the Game.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Day 58, Rules 58 and 59
The games: Pittsburgh vs. Vancouver and Portland Winterhawks vs. Tri-Cities.
Why I chose them: Pittsburgh vs. Vancouver was my backup in case I couldn't get Olympic tickets. Sadly, neither worked out, because I discovered that getting tickets to see the defending champions on their one swing through Western Canada is just as futile and expensive and nabbing tickets for the Olympics.
Portland has lost every matchup with Tri-Cities so far. I think that will be enough of that.
Weird connection between the 2 games: Tri-Cities' Russian goalie has been called up by Pittsburgh as backup, since Marc-Andre Fleury is injured.
Yes, I know I need an intevention: I'm listening to the Winterhawks game and watching the Pittsburgh game simultaneously.
Good and bad news for Winterhawks fans: Brad Ross, after initially being snubbed, is going to the prospects game after all. The bummer is that the Nino-Johansen-Ross line will be gone for the hotly anticipated Kamloops game on Wednesday, along with defenseman Troy Rutkowski.
The rules: Section 8, Stick Fouls. Rule 58, Butt-ending. Rule 59, Cross-checking.
Number of sections in the rules: 6 (Rule 58 and 59).
Definitions: 58.1, Butt-ending. The action whereby a player uses the shaft of the stick, above the upper hand, to check an opposing player in any manner or jabs or attempts to jab an opposing player with this part of the stick. Penalties range from a double-minor to fines and suspensions. 59.1, Cross-checking. The action of using the shaft of the stick between the two hands to forcefully check an opponent. Penalties range from minor to fines and suspensions.
My favorite highlights: 58.6, Fines and Suspensions. When a major penalty and game misconduct are imposed under this rule, an automatic fine of one hundred dollars ($100) will be imposed. 59.6, Fines and Suspensions. When a major penalty is imposed under this rule, an automatic fine of one hundred dollars ($100) shall also be imposed.
Morals of the story:
The game: Basically, these are two halves of one rule. I thought cross-checking was like checking from behind, only from the side. And if you think that's stupid, wait until you find out what I thought icing was. Also, is a $100 fine really going to stop a player who makes $15 million a year? I think not. Maybe if the fine was taking away your fancy sports car and super-model girlfriend for six months, then yes, I'm sure players would think more than twice before poking somebody forcefully with their stick.
Life: Let's face it, we've all done this and we've all had it done to us. Don't think so? If you've done one of these, you've been guilty:
-- Tailgating and flashing the headlights on slow drivers ahead of you in traffic.
-- Encroaching on "the bubble" to get people ahead of you in a slow line to move faster, which won't actually work because it's held up by someone who has 50 coupons and wants to pay half with cash and half with their debit card.
--Putting your backpack in the seat next to you on the bus or slouching so half your body slides over into said seat, in order to prevent someone from sitting next to you.
-- (Limited to New York, I hope): Putting your groceries on the automated belt just an inch back while the person in front of you is still loading theirs, because God forbid, you should have to use the little plastic divider thingy and wait a whole 30 seconds before doing so. Similar attempt to get through the subway window by physically encroaching on the person ahead and trying to slide your money into the slot from the left side while the person ahead is still getting their change. Yes, both of these things happened to me in New York, the former on a regular basis. And for the record, I've only hit someone once in my life and the subway dude was it.
Next up on 1/17: Section 8, Stick Fouls. Rule 60, High-sticking. Rule 61, Slashing.
Why I chose them: Pittsburgh vs. Vancouver was my backup in case I couldn't get Olympic tickets. Sadly, neither worked out, because I discovered that getting tickets to see the defending champions on their one swing through Western Canada is just as futile and expensive and nabbing tickets for the Olympics.
Portland has lost every matchup with Tri-Cities so far. I think that will be enough of that.
Weird connection between the 2 games: Tri-Cities' Russian goalie has been called up by Pittsburgh as backup, since Marc-Andre Fleury is injured.
Yes, I know I need an intevention: I'm listening to the Winterhawks game and watching the Pittsburgh game simultaneously.
Good and bad news for Winterhawks fans: Brad Ross, after initially being snubbed, is going to the prospects game after all. The bummer is that the Nino-Johansen-Ross line will be gone for the hotly anticipated Kamloops game on Wednesday, along with defenseman Troy Rutkowski.
The rules: Section 8, Stick Fouls. Rule 58, Butt-ending. Rule 59, Cross-checking.
Number of sections in the rules: 6 (Rule 58 and 59).
Definitions: 58.1, Butt-ending. The action whereby a player uses the shaft of the stick, above the upper hand, to check an opposing player in any manner or jabs or attempts to jab an opposing player with this part of the stick. Penalties range from a double-minor to fines and suspensions. 59.1, Cross-checking. The action of using the shaft of the stick between the two hands to forcefully check an opponent. Penalties range from minor to fines and suspensions.
My favorite highlights: 58.6, Fines and Suspensions. When a major penalty and game misconduct are imposed under this rule, an automatic fine of one hundred dollars ($100) will be imposed. 59.6, Fines and Suspensions. When a major penalty is imposed under this rule, an automatic fine of one hundred dollars ($100) shall also be imposed.
Morals of the story:
The game: Basically, these are two halves of one rule. I thought cross-checking was like checking from behind, only from the side. And if you think that's stupid, wait until you find out what I thought icing was. Also, is a $100 fine really going to stop a player who makes $15 million a year? I think not. Maybe if the fine was taking away your fancy sports car and super-model girlfriend for six months, then yes, I'm sure players would think more than twice before poking somebody forcefully with their stick.
Life: Let's face it, we've all done this and we've all had it done to us. Don't think so? If you've done one of these, you've been guilty:
-- Tailgating and flashing the headlights on slow drivers ahead of you in traffic.
-- Encroaching on "the bubble" to get people ahead of you in a slow line to move faster, which won't actually work because it's held up by someone who has 50 coupons and wants to pay half with cash and half with their debit card.
--Putting your backpack in the seat next to you on the bus or slouching so half your body slides over into said seat, in order to prevent someone from sitting next to you.
-- (Limited to New York, I hope): Putting your groceries on the automated belt just an inch back while the person in front of you is still loading theirs, because God forbid, you should have to use the little plastic divider thingy and wait a whole 30 seconds before doing so. Similar attempt to get through the subway window by physically encroaching on the person ahead and trying to slide your money into the slot from the left side while the person ahead is still getting their change. Yes, both of these things happened to me in New York, the former on a regular basis. And for the record, I've only hit someone once in my life and the subway dude was it.
Next up on 1/17: Section 8, Stick Fouls. Rule 60, High-sticking. Rule 61, Slashing.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Day 57, Rule 57
The game: Anaheim vs. LA Kings and Pittsburgh vs. Edmonton.
Why I chose it: The Freeway face-off includes Jonas Hiller in the net, and Anze Kopitar in the starting line-up. The Ducks are on a comeback with a capital C and my favorite Swiss goalie is on fire. Dan Bylsma is testing out the Malkin-Talbot-Fedotenko line. Most inspired. Games on.
Proof that head hits/injuries do in fact cause long-term, irreversible brain damage: The whole Burrows debacle and fine.
The rule: Section 7, Restraining Fouls. Rule 57, Tripping.
Number of sections in the rule: 4.
Definition: 57.1, Tripping. A player shall not place the stick, knee, foot, arm, hand or elbow in such a manner that causes his opponent to trip or fall. Accidental trips which occur simultaneously with a completed play will not be penalized. Accidental trips occurring simultaneously with or after a stoppage of play will not be penalized. If, in the opinion of the Referee, a player makes contact with the puck first and subsequently trips the opponent in so doing, no penalty shall be assessed.
My favorite highlight: I thought you just went to the box for 2 minutes for this one. Which is true, but there's also this run on sentence/rule: 57.3, Penalty Shot. When a player, in the neutral or attacking zone, in control of the puck (or who could have obtained possession and control of the puck) and having no other opponent to pass than the goalkeeper, is tripped or otherwise fouled from behind, thus preventing a reasonable scoring opportunity, a penalty shot shall be awarded to the non-offending team. Nevertheless, the Referee shall not stop play until the attacking team has lost possession of the puck to the defending team. The intention of this rule (and penalty shots in general) is to restore a scoring opportunity that was lost. "Control of the puck" means the act of propelling the puck with the stick, hand or feet.
Ok, now my head hurts: It should be noted that if the attacking player manages to get around the goalkeeper and has no defending player between him and the open goal, and he is fouled from behind by the goalkeeper or another defending player, no goal can be awarded since the goalkeeper is still on the ice. A penalty shot would be awarded. Help me understand this -- "since the goalkeeper is still on the ice?" So, if the goalie is not on the ice and somehow magically fouls somebody from behind...the goal is awarded? Clearly, the random drug screening program at the NHL needs to be re-examined, because this could not have been written by someone who was stone-cold sober.
The final scores: Anaheim's down by 3 in the 2nd, Pittsburgh's up by 1 in the 3rd. Hiller just got pulled. And it's going downhill from there. The refs are being very generous with the Abuse of Officials rule, because it looks like Randy Carlyle just told the linesman to go screw himself about 50 times. 6 minutes into the 3rd period, and no fewer than 3 fights have been broken up.
Note to critics of super-cute Swiss goalies: Give him a break. Even Superman ran into a little Kryptonite now and again. In case you missed the last week of Ducks games, Hiller is a huge reason Anaheim has turned around and come within 4 points of a playoff berth, and he did it in back-to-back games.
The morals of the story:
The game: I like my two minute minor penalty assumption better...fewer migraines. But I see why all restraining fouls come with a penalty shot attached. These fouls are committed to interfere with a scoring opportunity and even in hockey, the most unfair of all sports, lost opportunities will not go unpunished. Fairness, with a small f. And of course, as always, if the goalie does anything except stop the puck, he's penalized.
Life: Like hockey, tripping and falling down are part of the game and getting back up is often easier than we think. We don't get penalty shots in life...but we do get to choose whether and how we get back up. Me personally, I've tripped many times over and I intend to a few more times before it's all said and done. Look at it this way...when you're shopping at Powell's for a book...do you immediately go for the book about the girl who was born with a silver spoon in her mouth and graduated to platinum and wants to tell you how you too can get through life without getting any of it on you? Is reality television the dominant form of programming on TV because we love watching people with perfect lives? No. We want to read the comeback story. We want to watch Tiger Woods crash into a fire hydrant (literally and figuratively) because it makes us feel better about our own failures. I say trip, fall and get back up. Repeat. Trust me, it will get easier and you will get smarter.
Next up on 1/16: Section 8, Stick Fouls. Rule 58, Butt-ending. Rule 59, Cross-checking.
Why I chose it: The Freeway face-off includes Jonas Hiller in the net, and Anze Kopitar in the starting line-up. The Ducks are on a comeback with a capital C and my favorite Swiss goalie is on fire. Dan Bylsma is testing out the Malkin-Talbot-Fedotenko line. Most inspired. Games on.
Proof that head hits/injuries do in fact cause long-term, irreversible brain damage: The whole Burrows debacle and fine.
The rule: Section 7, Restraining Fouls. Rule 57, Tripping.
Number of sections in the rule: 4.
Definition: 57.1, Tripping. A player shall not place the stick, knee, foot, arm, hand or elbow in such a manner that causes his opponent to trip or fall. Accidental trips which occur simultaneously with a completed play will not be penalized. Accidental trips occurring simultaneously with or after a stoppage of play will not be penalized. If, in the opinion of the Referee, a player makes contact with the puck first and subsequently trips the opponent in so doing, no penalty shall be assessed.
My favorite highlight: I thought you just went to the box for 2 minutes for this one. Which is true, but there's also this run on sentence/rule: 57.3, Penalty Shot. When a player, in the neutral or attacking zone, in control of the puck (or who could have obtained possession and control of the puck) and having no other opponent to pass than the goalkeeper, is tripped or otherwise fouled from behind, thus preventing a reasonable scoring opportunity, a penalty shot shall be awarded to the non-offending team. Nevertheless, the Referee shall not stop play until the attacking team has lost possession of the puck to the defending team. The intention of this rule (and penalty shots in general) is to restore a scoring opportunity that was lost. "Control of the puck" means the act of propelling the puck with the stick, hand or feet.
Ok, now my head hurts: It should be noted that if the attacking player manages to get around the goalkeeper and has no defending player between him and the open goal, and he is fouled from behind by the goalkeeper or another defending player, no goal can be awarded since the goalkeeper is still on the ice. A penalty shot would be awarded. Help me understand this -- "since the goalkeeper is still on the ice?" So, if the goalie is not on the ice and somehow magically fouls somebody from behind...the goal is awarded? Clearly, the random drug screening program at the NHL needs to be re-examined, because this could not have been written by someone who was stone-cold sober.
The final scores: Anaheim's down by 3 in the 2nd, Pittsburgh's up by 1 in the 3rd. Hiller just got pulled. And it's going downhill from there. The refs are being very generous with the Abuse of Officials rule, because it looks like Randy Carlyle just told the linesman to go screw himself about 50 times. 6 minutes into the 3rd period, and no fewer than 3 fights have been broken up.
Note to critics of super-cute Swiss goalies: Give him a break. Even Superman ran into a little Kryptonite now and again. In case you missed the last week of Ducks games, Hiller is a huge reason Anaheim has turned around and come within 4 points of a playoff berth, and he did it in back-to-back games.
The morals of the story:
The game: I like my two minute minor penalty assumption better...fewer migraines. But I see why all restraining fouls come with a penalty shot attached. These fouls are committed to interfere with a scoring opportunity and even in hockey, the most unfair of all sports, lost opportunities will not go unpunished. Fairness, with a small f. And of course, as always, if the goalie does anything except stop the puck, he's penalized.
Life: Like hockey, tripping and falling down are part of the game and getting back up is often easier than we think. We don't get penalty shots in life...but we do get to choose whether and how we get back up. Me personally, I've tripped many times over and I intend to a few more times before it's all said and done. Look at it this way...when you're shopping at Powell's for a book...do you immediately go for the book about the girl who was born with a silver spoon in her mouth and graduated to platinum and wants to tell you how you too can get through life without getting any of it on you? Is reality television the dominant form of programming on TV because we love watching people with perfect lives? No. We want to read the comeback story. We want to watch Tiger Woods crash into a fire hydrant (literally and figuratively) because it makes us feel better about our own failures. I say trip, fall and get back up. Repeat. Trust me, it will get easier and you will get smarter.
Next up on 1/16: Section 8, Stick Fouls. Rule 58, Butt-ending. Rule 59, Cross-checking.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Day 56, Rule 56
The games: Pittsburgh vs. Calgary, Anaheim vs. Boston (NHL) and Winterhawks vs. Kamloops (WHL).
Why I chose them: I have to go 11 days without live hockey here in Portland, so I'm staving off withdrawal. Also, tonight is the first time that longtime goalie and beloved former Portland Winterhawk Kurtis Mucha faces off against his former teammates after being traded last fall. Jonas Hiller is in net and Anaheim's on the comeback trail. I don't care if Malkin's in a slump, I'm all in for Pittsburgh.
Note to non-Portlanders: Kurtis Mucha was a very bright star in some very dark years for the Winterhawks. He is still loved here in the Rose City and fans' excitement is already building for the Portland-Kamloops game on home ice next Wednesday.
Proof I need an intervention, but I may be beyond help: I'm listening to Andy Kemper's pre-show on 970 AM, watching Pittsburgh vs. Calgary and I'm about to add Winterhawks vs. Kamloops to the mix. I'll be tuning in to Anaheim vs. Boston momentarily.
The rule: Section 7, Restraining Fouls. Rule 56, Interference.
Number of sections in the rule: 7.
Definition: At last, a rule where there's no room for interpretation. This specifically states that "a strict standard on acts of interference must be adhered to in all areas of the rink."
Here's the deal with "body position": Body position shall be determined as the player skating in front of or beside his opponent, traveling in the same direction. A player is allowed the ice he is standing on (body position) and is not required to move in order to let an opponent to proceed. Moving laterally and without establishing body position, then making contact with the non-puck carrier is not permitted and will be penalized as interference. Possession of the puck is defined as the last player to touch the puck, other than the goaltender.
Here's one I've never even heard of: A "pick" is the action of a player who checks an opponent who is not in possession of the puck and is not aware of the impending check/hit. A player who is aware of an impending hit, not deemed to be a legal "battle for the puck," may not be interfered with by a player or goalkeeper delivering a "pick." A player delivering a "pick" is one who moves into an opponent's path without initially having body position, thereby taking him out of the play. When this is done, an interference penalty shall be assessed.
But wait, it gets better (my favorite highlight): 56.2, Minor Penalty. A minor penalty shall be imposed on a player who interferes with or impedes the progress of an opponent who is not in possession of the puck. Minor penalty is assessed on the following (including but not limited to):
-- an attacker who deliberately checks a defensive player who is not in possession of the puck.
--a player who causes a player not in possession of the puck to be forced off-sides.
--a player who deliberately knocks a stick out of an opponent's hand.
--a player who knocks or shoots any abandoned or broken stick or illegal puck or other debris towards an opposing carrier in a manner that could cause him to be distracted.
Morals of the story:
The game: Dudes, just say no to this one. It's not tolerated, it's got no wiggle room and it carries penalties for just about every way it could be attempted. In the midst of watching three games and listening to Andy at once, I've noticed this one doesn't happen a lot, so the dudes must know going for this one isn't cool. Oh wait, somebody just gave Brad Ross the interference business behind the Kamloops net. And..here we go, what goes around just came around. Brad and Nino just landed in the box.
Life: This is like the hockey equivalent of "when bad things happen to good people" who weren't even carrying the puck get "picked," checked, whatever. There's no mercy in hockey and there shouldn't be any in life either. Here are just a few of the things for which I would impose a minor penalty for interference in life:
-- Offense: Any person who does not have the right or permit to do so, but who parks in the special handicapped parking spots for "just a few seconds" in the 7-11 lot because they were too lazy to park one spot over and walk their lazy ass in to get the super-sized Super Gulp, thus leaving the person who really needed the space in the lurch. Penalty: Special feature built into your car that will cause your car to break down right as you're turning into the 7-11 parking lot, forcing you to walk..oh no, the horror...several feet to the store.
--Offense: Any popular high school beauty queen, cheerleader, homecoming queen, etc. who pretends to like the geeky girl to enlist said nerd's help in boosting her GPA, only to cut off the friendship once she gets the good grades and the spot at Harvard that should have gone to geek girl, but didn't because smart but nerdy girl's parents didn't pay for a new libarary wing. Penalty: Automatic reduction in GPA back to what it would have been if the beauty queen had never met the geek, retraction of the spot at Harvard, which will then be given to said geek, and permanent exile of beauty queen to a small, non fashion-forward town where she will be forced to grow old without the help of hair dye, botox, breast implants or any other plastic surgeries.
Next up on 1/14: Section 7, Restraining Fouls. Rule 57, Tripping.
Why I chose them: I have to go 11 days without live hockey here in Portland, so I'm staving off withdrawal. Also, tonight is the first time that longtime goalie and beloved former Portland Winterhawk Kurtis Mucha faces off against his former teammates after being traded last fall. Jonas Hiller is in net and Anaheim's on the comeback trail. I don't care if Malkin's in a slump, I'm all in for Pittsburgh.
Note to non-Portlanders: Kurtis Mucha was a very bright star in some very dark years for the Winterhawks. He is still loved here in the Rose City and fans' excitement is already building for the Portland-Kamloops game on home ice next Wednesday.
Proof I need an intervention, but I may be beyond help: I'm listening to Andy Kemper's pre-show on 970 AM, watching Pittsburgh vs. Calgary and I'm about to add Winterhawks vs. Kamloops to the mix. I'll be tuning in to Anaheim vs. Boston momentarily.
The rule: Section 7, Restraining Fouls. Rule 56, Interference.
Number of sections in the rule: 7.
Definition: At last, a rule where there's no room for interpretation. This specifically states that "a strict standard on acts of interference must be adhered to in all areas of the rink."
Here's the deal with "body position": Body position shall be determined as the player skating in front of or beside his opponent, traveling in the same direction. A player is allowed the ice he is standing on (body position) and is not required to move in order to let an opponent to proceed. Moving laterally and without establishing body position, then making contact with the non-puck carrier is not permitted and will be penalized as interference. Possession of the puck is defined as the last player to touch the puck, other than the goaltender.
Here's one I've never even heard of: A "pick" is the action of a player who checks an opponent who is not in possession of the puck and is not aware of the impending check/hit. A player who is aware of an impending hit, not deemed to be a legal "battle for the puck," may not be interfered with by a player or goalkeeper delivering a "pick." A player delivering a "pick" is one who moves into an opponent's path without initially having body position, thereby taking him out of the play. When this is done, an interference penalty shall be assessed.
But wait, it gets better (my favorite highlight): 56.2, Minor Penalty. A minor penalty shall be imposed on a player who interferes with or impedes the progress of an opponent who is not in possession of the puck. Minor penalty is assessed on the following (including but not limited to):
-- an attacker who deliberately checks a defensive player who is not in possession of the puck.
--a player who causes a player not in possession of the puck to be forced off-sides.
--a player who deliberately knocks a stick out of an opponent's hand.
--a player who knocks or shoots any abandoned or broken stick or illegal puck or other debris towards an opposing carrier in a manner that could cause him to be distracted.
Morals of the story:
The game: Dudes, just say no to this one. It's not tolerated, it's got no wiggle room and it carries penalties for just about every way it could be attempted. In the midst of watching three games and listening to Andy at once, I've noticed this one doesn't happen a lot, so the dudes must know going for this one isn't cool. Oh wait, somebody just gave Brad Ross the interference business behind the Kamloops net. And..here we go, what goes around just came around. Brad and Nino just landed in the box.
Life: This is like the hockey equivalent of "when bad things happen to good people" who weren't even carrying the puck get "picked," checked, whatever. There's no mercy in hockey and there shouldn't be any in life either. Here are just a few of the things for which I would impose a minor penalty for interference in life:
-- Offense: Any person who does not have the right or permit to do so, but who parks in the special handicapped parking spots for "just a few seconds" in the 7-11 lot because they were too lazy to park one spot over and walk their lazy ass in to get the super-sized Super Gulp, thus leaving the person who really needed the space in the lurch. Penalty: Special feature built into your car that will cause your car to break down right as you're turning into the 7-11 parking lot, forcing you to walk..oh no, the horror...several feet to the store.
--Offense: Any popular high school beauty queen, cheerleader, homecoming queen, etc. who pretends to like the geeky girl to enlist said nerd's help in boosting her GPA, only to cut off the friendship once she gets the good grades and the spot at Harvard that should have gone to geek girl, but didn't because smart but nerdy girl's parents didn't pay for a new libarary wing. Penalty: Automatic reduction in GPA back to what it would have been if the beauty queen had never met the geek, retraction of the spot at Harvard, which will then be given to said geek, and permanent exile of beauty queen to a small, non fashion-forward town where she will be forced to grow old without the help of hair dye, botox, breast implants or any other plastic surgeries.
Next up on 1/14: Section 7, Restraining Fouls. Rule 57, Tripping.
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