Thursday, February 25, 2010

Give Me a C! Give Me an A! Give me the Privilege of Conversation!

The game: IIHF 2010 World Junior Championship gold medal game replay.

Why I chose it: The women's Olympic gold medal game is already over and Portland Winterhawk Luke Walker was on the gold medal-winning US World Junior Team. Local talent in a world-class gold medal game never gets old.

The rules: Section 2, Teams, Players and Equipment. Rule 200, Players in Uniform. Rule 201, Captain of Team.

How's this for the Queen's English?: Only the Captain and Alternate Captains have the privilege of conversing with the referee. Specifically, 201.C, Captain of Team: On the ice, only those designated players, if they are not penalized, shall have the privilege to discuss with the Referee any questions relating to the interpretation of rules that may arise during the course of the game. Mais oui:
Important: A complaint concerning a penalty is not a matter relating to the interpretation of the rules and shall be penalized. The penalty for this offense is misconduct.

But this is the best: The official playing rules specify the use of protective equipment out of concern for the orderly playing of the game, and for the safety, health and welfare of participants. However, such rules do not imply a guarantee by the IIHF that the use of such equipment will provide protection from injury. It is the responsibility of the player to ensure that the equipment used conforms, where specified, with the official playing rules and is worn and maintained in good condition in accordance with the manufacturer's warranties.

Morals of the story:

The game: Orderly playing of the game? Safety, health and welfare? Privilege of conversing? No wonder hockey's not popular in Europe. Who wants to watch an orderly, safe game where players are mindful of others' health and welfare? Booorrrinnng.

Life: Corporate America needs a few of these rules. For example, I want a job where I have the privilege of discussing with my boss any questions relating to a corner office, a promotion and a raise. Of course, I would have to take note that complaining about NOT having such things does not constitute a matter relating to my questions and is punishable by firing, so maybe I'll suggest this instead... a rule where we agree BEFORE a three-hour, stale doughnut, day-old bran muffin, bad coffee conference call that we will be sure to use our equipment (cell phones, Blackberrys) wisely to ensure that the call proceeds in an orderly fashion and we only interrupt it 10 or 15 times to take a call from imaginary colleagues and friends to prove how important we think we are and get out of presenting our portion of the 150 death-by-Powerpoint slides.

Next up on 2/27: Section 2, Teams, Players and Equipment. Rule 210, Equipment. Rule 220, Player's Equipment.

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