Monday, March 22, 2010

We Now Return You to Your Regularly Scheduled Hockey Rules

The game: Portland Winterhawks vs. Spokane Chiefs in games 1 and 2 of the WHL Playoffs.

Final scores: Game 1, Spokane 5, Portland 4. Game 2, Spokane 4, Portland 2.

Ok, so the Spokane Chiefs are toast with a small t: But still, the Hawks fought them right to the buzzer and never gave up, even when they goofed. We've learned our lesson and we're better against them on the road, anyway. I'm picturing a Game 7 shootout myself.

Best play: Captain Brett Ponich scoring in the late part of the third period to cut the lead. It was too little too late, but it was the sign of a good leader stepping up and flat-out cool because as a d-man he doesn't get on the scoreboard every day.

The rule: Section 2, Officials and Their Duties. Rule A4.20 Off-Ice Officials.

My favorite highlights: A4.21 Scorekeeper's Duties Before the Game. The Scorekeeper shall obtain from the Manager or Coach of both teams the list of all eligible players. He shall complete the Official Game Sheet with the following information:

1. Name, position and number of each player, indicating the Captain and Alternate Captains by placing the letters C and A in front of their names.

2. All data concerning the game, such as location, date, names of the home and visiting team and names of the officials.

The scorekeeper records on the official game sheet the goals, number of the scorers and players to whom assists shall be awarded, players on the ice at the time the goal was scored, all penalties imposed, penalty shots awarded, and time of entry of any substitute goalkeeper. Lastly, no request for changes in any award of points shall be considered unless they are made by the Captain of each team before the conclusion of actual play in the game or before the Referee has signed the Official Game Sheet.

Morals of the story:

The game: The Scorekeeper is like the big brother of hockey. Every minute of every play, every goal, every assist and every goalkeeper substitution is observed and reported. And it's on paper, signed and permanent. No matter how good, perfect, awful or imperfect a game is, it's recorded permanently for future IIHF reference. Thank god they don't have a scorekeeper for real life, or I'd be in a special prison for smart people who make stupid choices about fashion, their hair, their boyfriends, their majors in college and moving to New York City without a plan, without money and without backup.

Life: I want the job of Scorekeeper for corporate meetings at my company. Only in the office version, I will write down the name of all attendants, indicating the idiots and time-waster-off-topic-detractors by placing an I or T next to his or her name. No request for changes shall be made unless requested by the time waster types before the official end of the meeting, and ONLY if they sign an affadavit promising never to take the meeting off topic again under pain of death.

Next up on 3/24: Section 2, Officials and Their Duties, A24 Timekeeper's Duties, A4.25 Announcer's Duties, A4.26 Penalty Bench Attendant's Duties.

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