The game: Replays and specials on the NHL Network. Hey, it's better than nothing.
But not to worry, soon there will be this: June 23 is the NHL Awards, June 25 is the start of the NHL Draft and July 1 is the opening of the free agent trading frenzy. Later this month the WHL will also get to choose from Europe's best teenage talent in the Euro draft. For Portland, the last time we snagged Nino Niederreiter, and fans are already buzzing about who we will get this time. Our trade with Lethbridge that brought Luca Sbisa to town also meant that we moved up in this draft. I shall report back.
Yes, I did this. Get over it: I registered online for the Brandon Sun newspaper for the sole purpose of reading an article about cutie pie WHL referee/corporate lawyer Matt Kirk. He is from Brandon and officiated the Memorial Cup final in that city. To refresh, I do not have a single shred of shame about crushing on cuite pie refs at any and all opportunities, especially close up in high def on the NHL Network.
I'm counting the days: September 22 is the first pre-season game for the Pittsburgh Penguins, who will be rematched with the Detroit Red Wings in their first game in the Consol Energy Center. That means as of this coming Tuesday, it's exactly 90 days until the start of the Pens' pre-season. I think I can, I think I can...live without live hockey if it's less than 100 days.
And on the local scene: The Portland Winterhawks have just announced that Ryan Johansen, captain Brett Ponich and Brad Ross have been invited to Canada's National Junior Team development camp this August. Ty Rattie has been invited to attend Canada's National Men's Summer Under-18 Team Selection camp.
The best part/fan geek moment: The National Junior Team camp is in St. John's, Newfoundland, the home of my favorite band, Great Big Sea. They are just as cool as hockey. Rumor has it that they performed at a private party at Sidney Crosby's house last year on his Stanley Cup day. And, I have a huge crush on their bass player Murray Foster. Not only is he hot, he does a mean rendition of "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" with one of the other bands he's in. Cute, musician, loves the Toronto Maple Leafs, sings Dr. Seuss. What's not to like?
Speaking of honors, is there anything Nino Niederreiter hasn't accomplished this season?: Let's see now...Euro draft catch....learned English, got a driver's license, helped the Swiss World Junior team achieve victory over Russia, helped Winterhawks to the playoffs first time in 4 years...Swiss World Championship team..WHL 2nd All-Star Team...could be highest drafted Swiss player in NHL draft.. number 12 on the NHL Scouting report....um...let's see now, carry the two, plus three...oh right...no. He's done it all...and he won't even be 18 until September. It boggles the mind.
I so don't want to deal with the rules tonight: I had what can loosely be described as "one of those weeks" and I'm just waiting for Friday at this point. Here's the moral of my story:
Life: My mother told me that I shouldn't watch hockey replays because "that's violent, you shouldn't do that. You should take a bubble bath and drink some wine and listen to relaxing music. Hockey is too much stress." She's my mother. I'd like to think she above all people knows me. But friends, let's refresh: I was in fact, a guy in another life. I don't do bubbles, waterfall sound effects music and wine. Well, ok, I do the wine, but if it doesn't come accompanied by tall, smelly men who can't be wired for sound by NBC Game of the Week because they swear too much, it's just not working for me. Give me one night of the Winter Classic on my Sidney Crosby DVD and an extra glass of Abacela Dolcetto, and all will be right with my world. And it also means that:
I will get back to the rules and offer my predictions for the Winterhawks who are in the NHL Draft next weekend.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
It's Only 113 Shopping Days Until the Opening of the NHL Regular Season
The game: Germany vs. Australia, FIFA World Cup.
Why I chose it: A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. I have to watch something that closely resembles hockey or I will in fact, explode. Though I must say, soccer players don't meet the minimum height requirement. But they are cutie pies, and they do have beautifully chiseled thigh muscles, so two out of three ain't bad.
Not to worry, though: It's only 10 days until the NHL Awards and 12 until the draft. And then July 1 opens the free agent trading frenzy. And by the end of this month, I will be a Portland Winterhawks season ticket holder. So, really, counting the exhibition season, it's only a few months until hockey is back in action. But still, 90 days or more without spitting, swearing, hat tricks and fighting is still 90 days or more too long in my book.
So, I will carry on with the rules: Section 5, Penalties. Fouls Against Players. Rule 539, Tripping. Rule 540, Checking to the Head and Neck Area.
Rule 539.a: A player who shall place his stick, leg, foot, arm, hand or elbow in such a manner that it shall cause his opponent to trip or fall shall be assessed, at the discretion of the Referee, minor, major + automatic game misconduct or match penalty. Injury is a major or match penalty.
Rule 539.c: In a "Breakaway" situation, when a player in "Control of the Puck" outside his own defending zone with no opponent to pass other than the goalkeeper, is tripped from behind, thus preventing a reasonable scoring opportunity, the Referee shall award to the non-offending team a penalty shot.
And if you think that's bad, don't even try this: 539.d. If, when the opposing goalkeeper has been removed from the ice, and the player in "control of the puck" outside his own defending zone, with no opponent to pass between him and the opposing goal is tripped from behind, the Referee shall award to the non-offending team a goal.
I think this is about to be banned in the NHL, but just in case, here it is:
540.a. A player who directs a check or blow, with any part of his body, to the head or neck area of an opposing player or "drives" or "forces" the head of an opposing player into the protective glass on boards, shall be assessed, at the discretion of the Referee, a minor + automatic game misconduct, major + automatic game misconduct or match penalty. Injury results in a match penalty.
Morals of the story:
The game: This is like the hockey version of don't shoot a man in the back. Only in this case it's don't trip him from behind. The dude's on a breakaway, let it go. There's no point in trying, because you're gonna give the other team a goal or an opportunity to score a goal. I'm not sure why hits to the head and neck are even allowed in the current rulebooks, but I'm glad they are on their way to being punished more severely. You may ask, but Sam, it's punished already. Yes, but that's different than being banned or not allowed. There is nothing in any rulebook that says "can't." It just defines what a particular foul is and outlines the punishment. And as we all know, players do most of it anyway.
Life: The life versions of tripping from behind and hits to the head should come with the same severe penalties. For example:
-- The offense: Tripping another person in the form of sabotaging their relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend for the purpose of stealing said better half. The penalty: Banishment to a prison on a deserted island with other social rejects who don't know how to go out and find their own partner the right way, complete with no cell phone, no access to internet (and hence, match.com, eharmony.com, etc.) and public exposure of every dastardly thing you ever did in a relationship, so everyone else knows that you are just as big a schmuck as they are. Now mind, perhaps this could be seen as good thing...let the little tiddlywinks run wild amongst themselves you might argue...but still, at least they would be far away from the rest of us.
-- The offense: Checking to the head or neck in the form of banks who loaned money to homeowners that they knew couldn't afford it and charging 150% interest on high-balance credit cards so said owners get in even further over their heads. The penalty: It's well underway in the form of CEO firings and new rules and all. But still, I say banishment to a double-wide in the farthest reaches of the Nevada desert, accompanied by a minimum wage job and a credit card with a $500 limit and monthly fees if you don't pay the $20 minimum balance, which of course you can't. In short, make the punishment fit the crime. It's old school, but it works.
Next up: Section 5, Penalties. Fouls Against Players. Rule 541, Women-Body Checking. Other Penalties: Rule 550, Abuse of Official and Unsportsmanlike Conduct by Players.
Why I chose it: A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. I have to watch something that closely resembles hockey or I will in fact, explode. Though I must say, soccer players don't meet the minimum height requirement. But they are cutie pies, and they do have beautifully chiseled thigh muscles, so two out of three ain't bad.
Not to worry, though: It's only 10 days until the NHL Awards and 12 until the draft. And then July 1 opens the free agent trading frenzy. And by the end of this month, I will be a Portland Winterhawks season ticket holder. So, really, counting the exhibition season, it's only a few months until hockey is back in action. But still, 90 days or more without spitting, swearing, hat tricks and fighting is still 90 days or more too long in my book.
So, I will carry on with the rules: Section 5, Penalties. Fouls Against Players. Rule 539, Tripping. Rule 540, Checking to the Head and Neck Area.
Rule 539.a: A player who shall place his stick, leg, foot, arm, hand or elbow in such a manner that it shall cause his opponent to trip or fall shall be assessed, at the discretion of the Referee, minor, major + automatic game misconduct or match penalty. Injury is a major or match penalty.
Rule 539.c: In a "Breakaway" situation, when a player in "Control of the Puck" outside his own defending zone with no opponent to pass other than the goalkeeper, is tripped from behind, thus preventing a reasonable scoring opportunity, the Referee shall award to the non-offending team a penalty shot.
And if you think that's bad, don't even try this: 539.d. If, when the opposing goalkeeper has been removed from the ice, and the player in "control of the puck" outside his own defending zone, with no opponent to pass between him and the opposing goal is tripped from behind, the Referee shall award to the non-offending team a goal.
I think this is about to be banned in the NHL, but just in case, here it is:
540.a. A player who directs a check or blow, with any part of his body, to the head or neck area of an opposing player or "drives" or "forces" the head of an opposing player into the protective glass on boards, shall be assessed, at the discretion of the Referee, a minor + automatic game misconduct, major + automatic game misconduct or match penalty. Injury results in a match penalty.
Morals of the story:
The game: This is like the hockey version of don't shoot a man in the back. Only in this case it's don't trip him from behind. The dude's on a breakaway, let it go. There's no point in trying, because you're gonna give the other team a goal or an opportunity to score a goal. I'm not sure why hits to the head and neck are even allowed in the current rulebooks, but I'm glad they are on their way to being punished more severely. You may ask, but Sam, it's punished already. Yes, but that's different than being banned or not allowed. There is nothing in any rulebook that says "can't." It just defines what a particular foul is and outlines the punishment. And as we all know, players do most of it anyway.
Life: The life versions of tripping from behind and hits to the head should come with the same severe penalties. For example:
-- The offense: Tripping another person in the form of sabotaging their relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend for the purpose of stealing said better half. The penalty: Banishment to a prison on a deserted island with other social rejects who don't know how to go out and find their own partner the right way, complete with no cell phone, no access to internet (and hence, match.com, eharmony.com, etc.) and public exposure of every dastardly thing you ever did in a relationship, so everyone else knows that you are just as big a schmuck as they are. Now mind, perhaps this could be seen as good thing...let the little tiddlywinks run wild amongst themselves you might argue...but still, at least they would be far away from the rest of us.
-- The offense: Checking to the head or neck in the form of banks who loaned money to homeowners that they knew couldn't afford it and charging 150% interest on high-balance credit cards so said owners get in even further over their heads. The penalty: It's well underway in the form of CEO firings and new rules and all. But still, I say banishment to a double-wide in the farthest reaches of the Nevada desert, accompanied by a minimum wage job and a credit card with a $500 limit and monthly fees if you don't pay the $20 minimum balance, which of course you can't. In short, make the punishment fit the crime. It's old school, but it works.
Next up: Section 5, Penalties. Fouls Against Players. Rule 541, Women-Body Checking. Other Penalties: Rule 550, Abuse of Official and Unsportsmanlike Conduct by Players.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Don't Even Try Slashing Chicago's Chance at the Cup.
The game: Philadelphia vs. Chicago, Game 6.
Sometimes the game chooses us: Chicago could win and take it. Or Philly can tie it and return to the Madhouse. Plus, it could be the end of the season tonight. In several hours, hockey fans could very well have no hockey to watch for the next few months. You have to watch. Period. Exclamation point.
Here in Portland it's a win-win for us: Portland Winterhawks are on both teams, so a former Hawk is going home with the Stanley Cup one way or another. And if it's Marion Hossa, the third time will be a charm and one for the history books. He is the first NHL player to appear in three consecutive finals for three separate teams.
And it's very possible in a few years, the same scenario could transpire: We have three Hawks already drafted and/or signed (Stefan Schneider has signed with Vancouver, Brett Ponich signed with St. Louis, Spencer Bennett was drafted by Calgary). On tap in this year's draft: Nino Niederreiter, Troy Rutkowksi, Brad Ross, Taylor Aronson, Mac Carruth and -- sitting pretty at number 10 on the scouting report, thus making him our top ranked prospect -- Ryan Johansen. My personal favorite to become a Winterhawk sleeper hit, Luke Walker, has been scouted pretty actively by the New York Rangers. Get ready hockey fans...in the next two to three years, Portland's finest will be coming to a rink near you. Oh, and don't forget Luca Sbisa, who should be returning to his rightful home with Anaheim this season.
Although this I will never quite understand: On draft day last year, apparently Brett Ponich was golfing with his billets. In Portland. In June. I don't proclaim to know everything about hockey, but I do try. Still, I'll never fully understand why a talented teenager like that was on a golf course on draft day. If I ever get the chance to meet him, I shall report back. I did see something where he said that he didn't think he was going to be drafted that high, which makes it ever cooler that he was, but still...how can you play golf when strangers in a strange town are deciding your future? It boggles the mind.
I want this job: Stanley Cup keeper. How awesome would that be? You get to travel all over the world, you partay with NHL stars and you get to keep watch over the most beautiful prize in the world. On the other hand, if you lose it, damage it or misplace it, you'll be marooned to a deserted island with a pile of sticks to build a hut and a knife to sharpen a spear for hunting and foraging. So think carefully when applying for this one, dreamers.
The Rules: Section 5, Penalties. Fouls Against Players. Rule 537, Slashing. Rule 538, Spearing.
The wording's different, but it's the same as the NHL: Slashing is impeding or seeking to impede an opponent by slashing with his stick. In the NHL Rulebook, the definition includes slashing and the motion of slashing. In the IIHF book, they simply state that it is also a player who swings his stick at another player in the course of any altercation.
Don't even try it: Spearing and attempting to spear are both penalized. Attempt to spear includes all cases when a spearing motion is made, but no contact is made. Spearing is the act of stabbing the opponent with the point of the stick blade, whether or not the stick is being carried with one or both hands.
Morals of the story:
The game/why even try it?: I'm pretty sure that when you stab another person with a pointy object in one hand, it's called fencing. And if you do it as a sport, you get medals for being good at it, not penalties. Plus, you'd look pretty silly attempting to spear, only to have the player skate away from you so you can't actually stab them. It would be like kids playing tag, NHL style. Hence, the rule about not even trying it. Well, that and you have to send the message that if you go further the next time and do it, you're toast.
Life: I would so love to leave my house in the morning and just attempt to spear so many things along the way. Just so they'd get out of my way or stop to let me pass. For example: 1) Drivers who pull into the crosswalk as I'm about to cross and try to cut me off. Here in Oregon, you're supposed to wait until the pedestrian is at least six feet from your car. 2) Pedestrians who weave on the sidewalk because they are trying to get good cell reception. Never mind the attempt. I say plan strategically and poke 'em right as they are passing a gutter, and down goes the pedestrian and into the gutter goes the phone. 3) Bus riders who think the rest of us enjoy listening to their iPod, hearing their phone conversations, or smelling their body odor. If we want to partake of any of the above, we'll let you know.
Next up/yes there will be content here in the off-season: Section 5, Penalties. Fouls Against Players. Rule 539, Tripping. Rule 540, Checking to the Head and Neck Area.
Sometimes the game chooses us: Chicago could win and take it. Or Philly can tie it and return to the Madhouse. Plus, it could be the end of the season tonight. In several hours, hockey fans could very well have no hockey to watch for the next few months. You have to watch. Period. Exclamation point.
Here in Portland it's a win-win for us: Portland Winterhawks are on both teams, so a former Hawk is going home with the Stanley Cup one way or another. And if it's Marion Hossa, the third time will be a charm and one for the history books. He is the first NHL player to appear in three consecutive finals for three separate teams.
And it's very possible in a few years, the same scenario could transpire: We have three Hawks already drafted and/or signed (Stefan Schneider has signed with Vancouver, Brett Ponich signed with St. Louis, Spencer Bennett was drafted by Calgary). On tap in this year's draft: Nino Niederreiter, Troy Rutkowksi, Brad Ross, Taylor Aronson, Mac Carruth and -- sitting pretty at number 10 on the scouting report, thus making him our top ranked prospect -- Ryan Johansen. My personal favorite to become a Winterhawk sleeper hit, Luke Walker, has been scouted pretty actively by the New York Rangers. Get ready hockey fans...in the next two to three years, Portland's finest will be coming to a rink near you. Oh, and don't forget Luca Sbisa, who should be returning to his rightful home with Anaheim this season.
Although this I will never quite understand: On draft day last year, apparently Brett Ponich was golfing with his billets. In Portland. In June. I don't proclaim to know everything about hockey, but I do try. Still, I'll never fully understand why a talented teenager like that was on a golf course on draft day. If I ever get the chance to meet him, I shall report back. I did see something where he said that he didn't think he was going to be drafted that high, which makes it ever cooler that he was, but still...how can you play golf when strangers in a strange town are deciding your future? It boggles the mind.
I want this job: Stanley Cup keeper. How awesome would that be? You get to travel all over the world, you partay with NHL stars and you get to keep watch over the most beautiful prize in the world. On the other hand, if you lose it, damage it or misplace it, you'll be marooned to a deserted island with a pile of sticks to build a hut and a knife to sharpen a spear for hunting and foraging. So think carefully when applying for this one, dreamers.
The Rules: Section 5, Penalties. Fouls Against Players. Rule 537, Slashing. Rule 538, Spearing.
The wording's different, but it's the same as the NHL: Slashing is impeding or seeking to impede an opponent by slashing with his stick. In the NHL Rulebook, the definition includes slashing and the motion of slashing. In the IIHF book, they simply state that it is also a player who swings his stick at another player in the course of any altercation.
Don't even try it: Spearing and attempting to spear are both penalized. Attempt to spear includes all cases when a spearing motion is made, but no contact is made. Spearing is the act of stabbing the opponent with the point of the stick blade, whether or not the stick is being carried with one or both hands.
Morals of the story:
The game/why even try it?: I'm pretty sure that when you stab another person with a pointy object in one hand, it's called fencing. And if you do it as a sport, you get medals for being good at it, not penalties. Plus, you'd look pretty silly attempting to spear, only to have the player skate away from you so you can't actually stab them. It would be like kids playing tag, NHL style. Hence, the rule about not even trying it. Well, that and you have to send the message that if you go further the next time and do it, you're toast.
Life: I would so love to leave my house in the morning and just attempt to spear so many things along the way. Just so they'd get out of my way or stop to let me pass. For example: 1) Drivers who pull into the crosswalk as I'm about to cross and try to cut me off. Here in Oregon, you're supposed to wait until the pedestrian is at least six feet from your car. 2) Pedestrians who weave on the sidewalk because they are trying to get good cell reception. Never mind the attempt. I say plan strategically and poke 'em right as they are passing a gutter, and down goes the pedestrian and into the gutter goes the phone. 3) Bus riders who think the rest of us enjoy listening to their iPod, hearing their phone conversations, or smelling their body odor. If we want to partake of any of the above, we'll let you know.
Next up/yes there will be content here in the off-season: Section 5, Penalties. Fouls Against Players. Rule 539, Tripping. Rule 540, Checking to the Head and Neck Area.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
In Case I Pass Out From a Lack of Hockey...Kick Me.
I think I can, I think I can, I think I can: Tomorrow night will either be the end of the season or a few more days of putting off reality for hockey fans. I will be happy for Chicago if they win tomorrow, but I'd much rather see it go to Game 7 so they can win in the Madhouse. Of course, either way it means by Saturday morning there will be no more hockey for 2 to 3 months. I think I can survive it, but it could get ugly. Like hide under the bed and don't go to work, email friends or answer my phone ugly. Stay tuned. If I'm still here on Sunday, I will have survived the first few days and I should be in the clear after that.
Super-cool Portland Winterhawk moment: The NHL Network just aired Troy Rutkowski's prospect profile. Soooooo totally cool. But dudes, where's the profiles of Taylor Aronson and Mac Carruth? Maybe they're a little further down the scouting list, but they are on it and therefore deserve their own cheesy NHL profile in high definition, thank you very much.
The rule: Section 5, Penalties. Fouls Against Players. Rule 535, Kicking. Rule 536, Kneeing.
535: A player who kicks or attempts to kick another player, shall be assessed a match penalty. "Attempt to Kick" shall include all cases when a kicking gesture is made but no contact is made.
536: A player who uses his knee to foul an opponent shall be assessed, at the discretion of the Referee, minor, major + automatic game misconduct or matach penalty. For injury, the penalty is major + automatic game misconduct or match penalty.
Morals of the story:
The game: One of the most common injuries in hockey is knee injuries. One well-timed knee foul in the playoffs, in an Olympic year, to an older player whose knees are even older, and you can easily take out a key player. And if you're clever enough and don't injure the guy, you'll only get a minor. What's not to like about a kneeing penalty? Failing that, you can always try to kick him.
Life: This rule gives new meaning to kicking and screaming. Which is how we should go through life. We shouldn't go gently into that good night. We should drink every glass of wine, love every person we can, howl at the moon, dance on the bar and fight every rule in life that tells us who we should be. I'd much rather kick and scream my way through it all than sit quietly and live someone else's idea of life while my real one passes me by.
Next up 6/9: Section 5, Penalties. Fouls Against Players. Rule 537, Slashing. Rule 538, Spearing.
Super-cool Portland Winterhawk moment: The NHL Network just aired Troy Rutkowski's prospect profile. Soooooo totally cool. But dudes, where's the profiles of Taylor Aronson and Mac Carruth? Maybe they're a little further down the scouting list, but they are on it and therefore deserve their own cheesy NHL profile in high definition, thank you very much.
The rule: Section 5, Penalties. Fouls Against Players. Rule 535, Kicking. Rule 536, Kneeing.
535: A player who kicks or attempts to kick another player, shall be assessed a match penalty. "Attempt to Kick" shall include all cases when a kicking gesture is made but no contact is made.
536: A player who uses his knee to foul an opponent shall be assessed, at the discretion of the Referee, minor, major + automatic game misconduct or matach penalty. For injury, the penalty is major + automatic game misconduct or match penalty.
Morals of the story:
The game: One of the most common injuries in hockey is knee injuries. One well-timed knee foul in the playoffs, in an Olympic year, to an older player whose knees are even older, and you can easily take out a key player. And if you're clever enough and don't injure the guy, you'll only get a minor. What's not to like about a kneeing penalty? Failing that, you can always try to kick him.
Life: This rule gives new meaning to kicking and screaming. Which is how we should go through life. We shouldn't go gently into that good night. We should drink every glass of wine, love every person we can, howl at the moon, dance on the bar and fight every rule in life that tells us who we should be. I'd much rather kick and scream my way through it all than sit quietly and live someone else's idea of life while my real one passes me by.
Next up 6/9: Section 5, Penalties. Fouls Against Players. Rule 537, Slashing. Rule 538, Spearing.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Interference...Grownups, Don't Try This At Home.
The game: Chicago vs. Philadelphia, Game 5 in the Madhouse.
Why I chose it: How could any self-respecting hockey fan not watch this one?
Sad, but true: By this time next weekend, there will be a new Stanley Cup champion and no hockey for 2.5 to 3 months, depending on when the WHL and NHL open their pre-seasons.
What I'll be doing in that time: Learning the rest of the IIHF Rulebook, covering the NHL Draft, and learning the business of hockey when the free trade period opens on July 1. And preparing my new blog solely dedicated to the Portland Winterhawks. Or hiding under my bed with a box of Fudge Cream Oreos and a case of wine until hockey season starts again. Stay tuned.
The rule: Section 5, Penalties. Fouls Against Players. Rule 534, Interference.
The basics are the same: Interference is interfering with or impeding the progress of an opponent not in possession of the puck.
But here's something I didn't know: 534.b. A player on either the player's bench or the penalty bench who, by means of his stick or body, interferes with the movement of the puck or any opponent on the ice during the progress of the play, shall be assessed a minor penalty. 534.d. If, when the goalkeeper has been removed from the ice, any member of his team, including a team official, interferes by means of the stick, any other object, or his body, with the movement of the puck or an opposing player, the Referee shall award to the non-offending team a goal.
Morals of the story:
The game: Exactly how does a player get away with this from the bench? You would have to put your stick over the edge, lean over and grab someone or, if you're on the penalty bench, open the glass door and attempt the above. I'm putting this one in the "dude, don't even try it" file.
Life: The most dangerous form of interference in life is interfering with one's own progress. We all come out of high school, college, whatever and declare that we are going to save the world, not end up like our parents in their unhappy marriages, live our dream of being an artist, become a VP by 30, get married, have the 2.3 kids with the 2.3 car garage and have it made by the time we got to middle age. But we all know the path doesn't always go according to the plan. What happens? Life. And economic recessions. And pretty girls who attract the husband's attention on a business trip. And suburban bliss that turns out not to be quite so blissful. Perhaps if life imposed a minor penalty we'd be less inclined to get in our own way. For example:
-- Our own personal referee to stop us from taking that promotion at a corporate job that will suck up more time and energy, instead of spending our precious free time writing that best-selling novel, painting, traveling, etc.
-- If you get even the slightest hint that your man or woman has a wandering eye, wander away from the relationship with all speed and don't look back.
-- If you are looking at houses in the suburbs, be sure you're doing it because you really do want that big yard for the kids and the dog and not because you're supposed to. There are plenty of other ways to live that don't involve living in a cookie cutter house with a mini-van and a large furry dog that looks good on a Christmas card.
Next up on 6/8: Section 5, Penalties. Fouls Against Players. Rule 535, Kicking. Rule 536, Kneeing.
Why I chose it: How could any self-respecting hockey fan not watch this one?
Sad, but true: By this time next weekend, there will be a new Stanley Cup champion and no hockey for 2.5 to 3 months, depending on when the WHL and NHL open their pre-seasons.
What I'll be doing in that time: Learning the rest of the IIHF Rulebook, covering the NHL Draft, and learning the business of hockey when the free trade period opens on July 1. And preparing my new blog solely dedicated to the Portland Winterhawks. Or hiding under my bed with a box of Fudge Cream Oreos and a case of wine until hockey season starts again. Stay tuned.
The rule: Section 5, Penalties. Fouls Against Players. Rule 534, Interference.
The basics are the same: Interference is interfering with or impeding the progress of an opponent not in possession of the puck.
But here's something I didn't know: 534.b. A player on either the player's bench or the penalty bench who, by means of his stick or body, interferes with the movement of the puck or any opponent on the ice during the progress of the play, shall be assessed a minor penalty. 534.d. If, when the goalkeeper has been removed from the ice, any member of his team, including a team official, interferes by means of the stick, any other object, or his body, with the movement of the puck or an opposing player, the Referee shall award to the non-offending team a goal.
Morals of the story:
The game: Exactly how does a player get away with this from the bench? You would have to put your stick over the edge, lean over and grab someone or, if you're on the penalty bench, open the glass door and attempt the above. I'm putting this one in the "dude, don't even try it" file.
Life: The most dangerous form of interference in life is interfering with one's own progress. We all come out of high school, college, whatever and declare that we are going to save the world, not end up like our parents in their unhappy marriages, live our dream of being an artist, become a VP by 30, get married, have the 2.3 kids with the 2.3 car garage and have it made by the time we got to middle age. But we all know the path doesn't always go according to the plan. What happens? Life. And economic recessions. And pretty girls who attract the husband's attention on a business trip. And suburban bliss that turns out not to be quite so blissful. Perhaps if life imposed a minor penalty we'd be less inclined to get in our own way. For example:
-- Our own personal referee to stop us from taking that promotion at a corporate job that will suck up more time and energy, instead of spending our precious free time writing that best-selling novel, painting, traveling, etc.
-- If you get even the slightest hint that your man or woman has a wandering eye, wander away from the relationship with all speed and don't look back.
-- If you are looking at houses in the suburbs, be sure you're doing it because you really do want that big yard for the kids and the dog and not because you're supposed to. There are plenty of other ways to live that don't involve living in a cookie cutter house with a mini-van and a large furry dog that looks good on a Christmas card.
Next up on 6/8: Section 5, Penalties. Fouls Against Players. Rule 535, Kicking. Rule 536, Kneeing.
Friday, June 4, 2010
If Hooking The Opponent Doesn't Work, Try A Bicycle.
The game: Chicago vs. Philadelphia, Game 4.
Excuse me, wasn't Chicago in the lead?: Philly won Game 3 and is well on their way to Game 4. Dudes, I wanted a 4-game sweep. Now I have to spend precious free time watching Pronger taunt everyone for at least another two games.
I've been wrong about the rest of the series, might as well give this one up: Philly just won. It's now tied at 2 games a piece.
This is so bush league: Apparently a gaggle of Flyers fans were planning to cause a ruckus and follow the Chicago bus to the rink. On bicycles. Well, at least Philly fans have gone green in their attempted assault on the opposing team.
Still, here in the Rose City it's a win-win for us: No matter who wins, a former Portland Winterhawk is going home with the prize. It will either be Philly and Braydon Coburn or Chicago and Marion Hossa.
The rule: Section 5, Penalties. fouls Against Players. Rule 533, Hooking.
Hey look, it's almost as complicated as the NHL Rulebook:
533.a. A player who impedes or seeks to impede the progress of an opponent by hooking him with the stick shall be assessed, at the discretion of the Referee, a minor, major + automatic game misconduct or match penalty. If you injure the player, it's major + automatic game misconduct or match penalty.
533.c. In a "breakaway" situation, when a player in control of the puck outside his own defending zone has no opponent to pass other than the goalkeeper and he is hooked from behind, thus preventing a reasonable opportunity to score, the Referee shall award to the non-offending team a penalty shot. A "Breakaway shall be defined as a situation when a player is in full control of the puck and has no opposing player between himself and the opposing goalkeeper, or goal if the goalkeeper has been removed. "Control of the puck" is the act of propelling the puck with the stick. If the puck is touched by another player or his equipment while it is being propelled or hits the goal or goes free, the player shall no longer be considered to be in control of the puck.
The game: Ok, so how do they prove you sought to impede? Does that mean you gave the player a dirty look and tried to hook him and then went, "no I'm gonna get busted, I'm outta here?" Or is it pretty much a given that if you impeded a player it was because you intended to do so in the first place?
Life: I think I might have hooked myself with my latest life debacle. From behind. On a breakaway. With intent to injure myself. Major stupid for which there should have been a match penalty to stop me. Do you ever just get up and wonder why you go to work at any job? No matter how much you love it or are good at it? I sorta did that, and it went on for far too long. I was never very good at hiding my frustration or any other feelings for that matter. Some people do hide what they really think and they are good at it and more power to them. But I'm not one of them. Humans can only swallow so much shit before there's nowhere else to put it. The problem with me is that my personal reserve for tolerating things I don't like is a small, shallow puddle and not an ocean. Maybe that's why I like hockey so much. You don't like what a guy did, you hit him. You don't like what a ref said or what a journalist asked, you tell it like it is. Of course, the media quotes you ad nauseum and fanatic fans follow you on their Schwinns, but still....
Kinda makes you wonder how corporate America would keep running if we as workers could just fight, board and hook with impunity? For example, if we could do this, would we?:
-- Punch and remove the jersey of others whose lack of planning and total disrespect for the clock and approval timelines becomes your overtime, pride-swallowing late-night emergency.
-- Check from behind anyone who stands in the doorway of the elevator because that's where they get the best cell phone reception, thereby blocking it and preventing you from getting out, until they hop out just as it's closing so you have to go back down to come back up.
-- Cross-check anyone who is busy twiddling on their iPhone, Blackberry, Droid Phone, etc. and not paying attention to your death by PowerPoint presentation that you spent weeks overloading with useless information because someone else told you you had to, even though you wanted to keep it light and only use them as a guide instead of an electronic version of flash cards.
-- Hook anyone who has talked, uninterrupted, for longer than 10 minutes at any meeting without actually suggesting a solution or making an actual point.
-- Elbow cell phone chatters who answer their device in the elevator, bathroom or other inappropriate location, at full volume.
Next up on 6/6: Section 5, Penalties. Fouls Against Players. Rule 534, Interference.
Excuse me, wasn't Chicago in the lead?: Philly won Game 3 and is well on their way to Game 4. Dudes, I wanted a 4-game sweep. Now I have to spend precious free time watching Pronger taunt everyone for at least another two games.
I've been wrong about the rest of the series, might as well give this one up: Philly just won. It's now tied at 2 games a piece.
This is so bush league: Apparently a gaggle of Flyers fans were planning to cause a ruckus and follow the Chicago bus to the rink. On bicycles. Well, at least Philly fans have gone green in their attempted assault on the opposing team.
Still, here in the Rose City it's a win-win for us: No matter who wins, a former Portland Winterhawk is going home with the prize. It will either be Philly and Braydon Coburn or Chicago and Marion Hossa.
The rule: Section 5, Penalties. fouls Against Players. Rule 533, Hooking.
Hey look, it's almost as complicated as the NHL Rulebook:
533.a. A player who impedes or seeks to impede the progress of an opponent by hooking him with the stick shall be assessed, at the discretion of the Referee, a minor, major + automatic game misconduct or match penalty. If you injure the player, it's major + automatic game misconduct or match penalty.
533.c. In a "breakaway" situation, when a player in control of the puck outside his own defending zone has no opponent to pass other than the goalkeeper and he is hooked from behind, thus preventing a reasonable opportunity to score, the Referee shall award to the non-offending team a penalty shot. A "Breakaway shall be defined as a situation when a player is in full control of the puck and has no opposing player between himself and the opposing goalkeeper, or goal if the goalkeeper has been removed. "Control of the puck" is the act of propelling the puck with the stick. If the puck is touched by another player or his equipment while it is being propelled or hits the goal or goes free, the player shall no longer be considered to be in control of the puck.
The game: Ok, so how do they prove you sought to impede? Does that mean you gave the player a dirty look and tried to hook him and then went, "no I'm gonna get busted, I'm outta here?" Or is it pretty much a given that if you impeded a player it was because you intended to do so in the first place?
Life: I think I might have hooked myself with my latest life debacle. From behind. On a breakaway. With intent to injure myself. Major stupid for which there should have been a match penalty to stop me. Do you ever just get up and wonder why you go to work at any job? No matter how much you love it or are good at it? I sorta did that, and it went on for far too long. I was never very good at hiding my frustration or any other feelings for that matter. Some people do hide what they really think and they are good at it and more power to them. But I'm not one of them. Humans can only swallow so much shit before there's nowhere else to put it. The problem with me is that my personal reserve for tolerating things I don't like is a small, shallow puddle and not an ocean. Maybe that's why I like hockey so much. You don't like what a guy did, you hit him. You don't like what a ref said or what a journalist asked, you tell it like it is. Of course, the media quotes you ad nauseum and fanatic fans follow you on their Schwinns, but still....
Kinda makes you wonder how corporate America would keep running if we as workers could just fight, board and hook with impunity? For example, if we could do this, would we?:
-- Punch and remove the jersey of others whose lack of planning and total disrespect for the clock and approval timelines becomes your overtime, pride-swallowing late-night emergency.
-- Check from behind anyone who stands in the doorway of the elevator because that's where they get the best cell phone reception, thereby blocking it and preventing you from getting out, until they hop out just as it's closing so you have to go back down to come back up.
-- Cross-check anyone who is busy twiddling on their iPhone, Blackberry, Droid Phone, etc. and not paying attention to your death by PowerPoint presentation that you spent weeks overloading with useless information because someone else told you you had to, even though you wanted to keep it light and only use them as a guide instead of an electronic version of flash cards.
-- Hook anyone who has talked, uninterrupted, for longer than 10 minutes at any meeting without actually suggesting a solution or making an actual point.
-- Elbow cell phone chatters who answer their device in the elevator, bathroom or other inappropriate location, at full volume.
Next up on 6/6: Section 5, Penalties. Fouls Against Players. Rule 534, Interference.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Go Ahead, Hold On. It's Only a Minor Penalty.
The game: Philadelphia vs. Chicago. Not counting the NHL Draft hype-o-rama, this is the only game in town.
And what a game it is: Tied at 3, four minutes into the third. Both teams just scored within a minute.
Speaking of the NHL Draft hype machine: If you want to see what all the Portland Winterhawk fuss is about, check out nhl.com and search for Nino Niederreiter, Ryan Johansen, Troy Rutkowski and Brad Ross. You'll see what I mean, especially the one where Nino and Ryan interview each other. Classic. Missing are prospects Mac Carruth and Taylor Aronson, but you'll read more about them here as we get closer to the draft. And yes, fellow Portland hockey nerds, I will be at the Winterhawks' draft party. Duh. I'm a newly minted season ticket holder and there is nothing I love more on a Friday afternoon than chicken wings and beer. NHL Draft on.
The rules: Section 5, Penalties. Fouls Against Players. Rule 531, Holding an Opponent. Rule 532, Holding the Stick.
Rule 531: A player who holds his opponent with his hands or stick or in any other way shall be assessed a minor penalty.
Rule 532: A player who holds his opponent's stick with his hands or in any other way shall be assessed a minor penalty.
How they are different from the NHL Rulebook: Holding is also defined as any action that impedes a player, but there's this extra tidbit/exception: A player is permitted to use his arm in a strength move, by blocking his opponent, provided he has body position and is not using his hands in a holding manner, when doing so. A player is permitted to defend himself by defending against an opponent's stick. He must immediately release the stick and allow the player to resume normal play. I can't recall as I've ever seen a player honor this and "immediately release the stick," but I'll keep an eye out in the remaining playoff games, in the event such a momentous occasion should occur.
Morals of the story:
The game: It's easy to see why there is no "attempt to hold" or "holding action" built into this one. Either you held the guy or his stick, or you didn't. I wonder, though, what would be the penalty for "attempting to hold?" Would you just be classified as an idiot and sent back to the bench to think it over, or would there be a minor for the attempt? Discuss amongst yourselves.
Life: In life, there is no more dangerous form of holding than those situations in which we hold ourselves back. Can't is toxic, and won't is worse, but we do it far too often, without even thinking about it. To save us from ourselves, there should be a series of increasingly serious penalties assessed for the following situations in which we hold ourselves back from achievement and happiness:
-- Taking a day job or any job "just until" you do whatever it is you really want and then giving up on the dream and the just until job becomes a career where you burn out on extra hours and office politics for something you don't even love. Match penalty in the form of immediate firing and no similar careers listed on monster.com or jobbuilder or wherever, thereby preventing you from falling further down the sellout rabbit hole by simply taking the next bullshit hopportunity.
-- Deciding that you can't or won't do something because you're worried about what other people think. Let's face it, do most of those people have their shit any more together than you do? Things are never what they seem, and anyone who has it made is a has-been/comeback waiting to happen. So, before you stop yourself because of other people's opinions, think about it his way. Most of those people are just as afraid of what you think. And if that doesn't work, try this: saying can't because of someone else is a lot like diving in hockey...it's the all-too-easy way out of a hard situation. Automatic game misconduct in the form of suspension from social opportunities -- no matter how important and hobnobbing with celebrities they might be, and where you may be overly worried about other people think -- until you genuinely can say with reckless abandon that you don't give a rip.
Up next on 6/4: Section 5, Penalties. Fouls Against Players. Rule 533, Hooking.
And what a game it is: Tied at 3, four minutes into the third. Both teams just scored within a minute.
Speaking of the NHL Draft hype machine: If you want to see what all the Portland Winterhawk fuss is about, check out nhl.com and search for Nino Niederreiter, Ryan Johansen, Troy Rutkowski and Brad Ross. You'll see what I mean, especially the one where Nino and Ryan interview each other. Classic. Missing are prospects Mac Carruth and Taylor Aronson, but you'll read more about them here as we get closer to the draft. And yes, fellow Portland hockey nerds, I will be at the Winterhawks' draft party. Duh. I'm a newly minted season ticket holder and there is nothing I love more on a Friday afternoon than chicken wings and beer. NHL Draft on.
The rules: Section 5, Penalties. Fouls Against Players. Rule 531, Holding an Opponent. Rule 532, Holding the Stick.
Rule 531: A player who holds his opponent with his hands or stick or in any other way shall be assessed a minor penalty.
Rule 532: A player who holds his opponent's stick with his hands or in any other way shall be assessed a minor penalty.
How they are different from the NHL Rulebook: Holding is also defined as any action that impedes a player, but there's this extra tidbit/exception: A player is permitted to use his arm in a strength move, by blocking his opponent, provided he has body position and is not using his hands in a holding manner, when doing so. A player is permitted to defend himself by defending against an opponent's stick. He must immediately release the stick and allow the player to resume normal play. I can't recall as I've ever seen a player honor this and "immediately release the stick," but I'll keep an eye out in the remaining playoff games, in the event such a momentous occasion should occur.
Morals of the story:
The game: It's easy to see why there is no "attempt to hold" or "holding action" built into this one. Either you held the guy or his stick, or you didn't. I wonder, though, what would be the penalty for "attempting to hold?" Would you just be classified as an idiot and sent back to the bench to think it over, or would there be a minor for the attempt? Discuss amongst yourselves.
Life: In life, there is no more dangerous form of holding than those situations in which we hold ourselves back. Can't is toxic, and won't is worse, but we do it far too often, without even thinking about it. To save us from ourselves, there should be a series of increasingly serious penalties assessed for the following situations in which we hold ourselves back from achievement and happiness:
-- Taking a day job or any job "just until" you do whatever it is you really want and then giving up on the dream and the just until job becomes a career where you burn out on extra hours and office politics for something you don't even love. Match penalty in the form of immediate firing and no similar careers listed on monster.com or jobbuilder or wherever, thereby preventing you from falling further down the sellout rabbit hole by simply taking the next bullshit hopportunity.
-- Deciding that you can't or won't do something because you're worried about what other people think. Let's face it, do most of those people have their shit any more together than you do? Things are never what they seem, and anyone who has it made is a has-been/comeback waiting to happen. So, before you stop yourself because of other people's opinions, think about it his way. Most of those people are just as afraid of what you think. And if that doesn't work, try this: saying can't because of someone else is a lot like diving in hockey...it's the all-too-easy way out of a hard situation. Automatic game misconduct in the form of suspension from social opportunities -- no matter how important and hobnobbing with celebrities they might be, and where you may be overly worried about other people think -- until you genuinely can say with reckless abandon that you don't give a rip.
Up next on 6/4: Section 5, Penalties. Fouls Against Players. Rule 533, Hooking.
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