Tuesday, June 8, 2010

In Case I Pass Out From a Lack of Hockey...Kick Me.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can: Tomorrow night will either be the end of the season or a few more days of putting off reality for hockey fans. I will be happy for Chicago if they win tomorrow, but I'd much rather see it go to Game 7 so they can win in the Madhouse. Of course, either way it means by Saturday morning there will be no more hockey for 2 to 3 months. I think I can survive it, but it could get ugly. Like hide under the bed and don't go to work, email friends or answer my phone ugly. Stay tuned. If I'm still here on Sunday, I will have survived the first few days and I should be in the clear after that.

Super-cool Portland Winterhawk moment: The NHL Network just aired Troy Rutkowski's prospect profile. Soooooo totally cool. But dudes, where's the profiles of Taylor Aronson and Mac Carruth? Maybe they're a little further down the scouting list, but they are on it and therefore deserve their own cheesy NHL profile in high definition, thank you very much.

The rule: Section 5, Penalties. Fouls Against Players. Rule 535, Kicking. Rule 536, Kneeing.

535: A player who kicks or attempts to kick another player, shall be assessed a match penalty. "Attempt to Kick" shall include all cases when a kicking gesture is made but no contact is made.

536: A player who uses his knee to foul an opponent shall be assessed, at the discretion of the Referee, minor, major + automatic game misconduct or matach penalty. For injury, the penalty is major + automatic game misconduct or match penalty.

Morals of the story:

The game: One of the most common injuries in hockey is knee injuries. One well-timed knee foul in the playoffs, in an Olympic year, to an older player whose knees are even older, and you can easily take out a key player. And if you're clever enough and don't injure the guy, you'll only get a minor. What's not to like about a kneeing penalty? Failing that, you can always try to kick him.

Life: This rule gives new meaning to kicking and screaming. Which is how we should go through life. We shouldn't go gently into that good night. We should drink every glass of wine, love every person we can, howl at the moon, dance on the bar and fight every rule in life that tells us who we should be. I'd much rather kick and scream my way through it all than sit quietly and live someone else's idea of life while my real one passes me by.

Next up 6/9: Section 5, Penalties. Fouls Against Players. Rule 537, Slashing. Rule 538, Spearing.

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