Tuesday, June 22, 2010

The World Cup Goes Diving for Ratings and I Go Channel Surfing.

I said it once, I'll say it again: I'm watching the World Cup with everyone else in the free market economy and I have this to say. Again. Soccer players are a bunch of little diving, embellishing weenies who need to suck it up. Emphasis on little and weenies. And suck it up.

It's only hours now: The NHL Awards are tomorrow night. And then it's only days until the draft. I have now gone exactly 11 days without live hockey or something like it. And that will be quite enough of that.

It's hard to believe that in less than a week, six Portland Winterhawks will be in the NHL: Not counting those already drafted, including Spencer Bennett and Captain Brett Ponich. I haven't been this excited about the draft since, well, ever. And, yes I'm going to the Portland Winterhawks' draft party on June 25 to watch Ryan Johansen and Nino and whomever else get nabbed in the first round. There's beer, other fans, chicken wings and maybe a free bobblehead. What's not to like?

But you really want to know how cool the Winterhawks are?: Check out the feature on NHL.com of Nino Niederreiter's one-handed breakaway goal at the CHL prospects game.

But I still don't understand this: The Halak trade to St. Louis. On the other hand, I'm happy because Portland Winterhawk Brett Ponich was drafted by the Blues last year, and may soon be in the defending zone alongside Halak. So I'm cool with it in the end. But still, if anyone figures out what Montreal was thinking, do let me know.

Since I am forced to watch tiny little weenie-head soccer players running amok on ESPN, I skipped ahead to the diving rule in the IIHF for some hockey perspective on this illicit activity. And here's what it says:

The rule: Section 5, Penalties. Other Penalties. Rule 576, Diving. Any player who, at the discretion of the Referee, flagrantly imitates a fall, a reaction, or feigns an injury in an attempt to draw a penalty by his action, shall be assessed a minor penalty. So, basically being a pussy in Europe is ok too. But if you are thinking this particular turd will float in the NHL, you can try it and it's still a minor, but big brother is watching. If you are found guilty of diving upon video review, you get a warning letter and then a suspension pending a phone conversation with the Director of Hockey Operations.

Morals of the story:

The game: FIFA should get its crap together with a diving rule, which if I was in charge would include a video review that the entire stadium and everyone on ESPN can watch, and then FIFA should allow fans to vote whether it was indeed a total fake out with some sort of text message thingy. Guaranteed if the players have to watch themselves 100 feet high in front of the world, and fans are going to call them on their crap, it's a good bet you'll see a whole lot less diving in soccer.

Life: I'm not sure why people dive and embellish in life. It's hard enough. There's no need to make it more dramatic and serious than it is by turning into a bridezilla or being a hypochondriac and such. I wonder, if we had a diving penalty in life, would life's little drama queens carry on like they do? Diving, really, is about attention and what somebody didn't get when they were younger. The biggest punishment of all for life's divers and embellishers?... Ignore them. But if that doesn't work, we can always try this:

-- The action: You call in sick to work because your head is just splitting, when it fact it's just been 16 hours since you had a decent caffeinated beverage. The penalty: two vacation days get taken off your paid time off bank for every one that you fake an illness or injury.

-- The action: Causing a scene in a restaurant because the chef didn't cook your steak just exactly the way you like, medium rare on the inside, well done on the outside. The penalty: Two days' duty at the food bank, handing out food to people who are lucky someone didn't want their year-old baked beans from last year's Fourth of July cookout.

Next up on 6/23: The outcome of the NHL Awards, and Rule 554.a. Keeping the Puck in Motion.

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