The Secret Weapon of Rising NHL Rookie Superstars? Chocolate, Of Course.

The game: Nashville Predators vs. Tampa Bay Lightning.

Why I chose it: Because it's a rainy Sunday at 3 pm. What else is there to do? Oh, and in a year or two current Portland Winterhawk and Predators draftee Taylor Aronson will be playing for Nashville so I must be in training now for the day I will be pro-Predators all the time. Plus, since they did take out Pittsburgh in the 11th hour last night, clearly I must see what they're going to do to the honkin' tall French Captain and his posse.

I'm still all in: For Jordan Eberle for the Calder. He was on Hockey Night in Canada After Hours, and I must say, he was most impressive. Now, of course if Nino Niederreiter stays with the New York Islanders, then I will be all in for him. And, I just watched a video on The Hockey News in which his Islanders teammates point out that he is never without chocolate from his home country of Switzerland. Hilarious...along with his considerable talent, his secret weapon is chocolate. Love it.

Now, to the rule: As one might expect, the minimum salary for NHL players is still more than most people make in a year. 11.12. Minimum Paragraph 1 Salary. Except with respect to Amateur Try Out Agreements Pursuant to Exhibit 17, no SPC entered into after the date of execution of this Agreement shall provide:
2010 -11: U.S. $500,000
2011-12: U.S. $525,000

Amateur Try Out Agreements, by the way, are worth nothing. They pay no salary, no bonus and no compensation. Among the items on the contract are the player's name, the Club name, the player's height, weight, position, shoots (L/R), date of birth and birthplace.

Morals of the story:

The game: Considering that I've never made that kind of money in my own life, it's hard to fathom even making six figures. But what's funny in the NHL is that a nice half-million dollar salary is the bare minimum. No wonder so many players end up in debt and bad business deals and what not. They earn so much money they don't even know what to do with it or how to spend it.

Life: I don't think I'd know what to do with it either. I can barely keep a budget with my middle working class salary. I'm terrible with numbers. Yes, I'm a hockey fan and no I don't care about PIMs and TOI and all that. I care about things that aren't on a scoresheet, like whether Portland Winterhawk/Calgary draftee Spencer Bennett -- who was born on Halloween -- has any special superstitions as a result, and what his favorite costume from childhood was. I wonder whether when his teammate/Buffalo Sabres draftee Riley Boychuk gets in a few choice words with a Seattle opponent, were they discussing where to go for milk and cookies after? The burning questions any hockey fan wants to know, of course. So, alas I may never be able to balance my checkbook and maybe I'll never save as much as I should. But I can guarantee whether you read it here or on oregonlive, you'll read something way more fun than numbers.

Next up: 11.15, Default.

Greetings From Portland, Home of the NHL's Future

The game: Portland Winterhawks vs. Seattle Thunderbirds (WHL).

Score: Portland 2, Seattle 1 in a shootout. Both shootout goals and even the one that didn't quite make it were all the handiwork of players who will be coming to an NHL draft near you: Ty Rattie, Sven Bartschi and Brendan Leipsic.

And if that wasn't enough: We have a total of 9 NHL draftees on our active roster, including the number 4 and 5 overall picks this year (Ryan Johansen, Nino Niederreiter). Luke Walker, who was never chosen in the WHL Bantam Draft or any of the previous two NHL drafts for which he was eligible, was drafted 139th by Colorado. He scored for Colorado in the pre-season and is currently playing for their AHL team, the Lake Erie Monsters. Speaking of which:

Portland Winterhawk AHL/ECHL, whatever-HL watch: Winterhawks who "aged out" of junior last year are all over the minor leagues:

-- Stefan Schneider, also not taken in the Bantam or NHL drafts, was signed by Vancouver last spring. He is currently assigned to the Manitoba Moose and has already scored his first career AHL goal.

-- Chris Francis is one of three Winterhawks in the Columbus Blue Jackets' system. He was signed to their AHL team, the Springfield Falcons, over the summer. Last night, he scored his first career AHL goal against the Portland Pirates.

-- Eric Doyle joined the Winterhawks mid-season, spent part of it on the bench with a concussion and rallied back to help us get into the second round of the playoffs, is playing with the ECHL's Ontario Reign. He has racked up two points and has a +3 rating.

But meanwhile, back on home turf: The Hawks pulled off yet another Dash for Cash dazzler, as Ty Rattie continued his streak with the game tying goal, and one of the shootout goals. And Brendan brought the crowd to its feet with the game winning stunner when he went backhand-top shelf to outsmart Calvin Pickard.

Oh right, back to the rules: Article 11, Rules and Procedures Governing a Standard Player's Contract.

11.9. General: If I'm reading this right, this rule basically says that there's nothing preventing a Club from not paying a player, paying a player bonuses or individually negotiating with a player, as long as they follow the rules when doing so.

Morals of the story:

The game: I'm confused. They spend the previous 10 rules saying do this, don't do that, you can't do that, heretofore, notwithstanding, blah, blah, blah. And then they basically tell you, oh yeah, you can, as long as it's within the rules? It hurts the head.

Life: This article is exactly why I hate rules: they make things more complicated than they need to be.

Things to know about Sam: I don't like cats, I hate cliches, I despise shopping, and I could care less about talking on cell phones and texting on a Crackberry to show important I think I am. But above all things, I hate rules. Not the kind that keep us safe, mind, like laws that keep crazies off the roads and out of our homes. I'm talking about the rules of life, such as:

1) If you are a woman in your 40s, you should be married, have at least one kid, a dog, a minivan, and wear sweatshirts with gingham teddy bears ironed onto them. I'd rather die.

2) If you must remain single, you should walk around at all times on a cell phone or texting on a Crackberry to ensure that other people don't think you're a loser. I have friends, but I like doing a lot of things alone and unimpeded by "I don't know, what do you want to do?" Life is short; not a second of it should be wasted pretending to be something other than who and what you are.

3) I should love to shop until I drop, watch movies on Lifetime when I'm home alone on a Friday, and own a cat or two just to have something warm and fuzzy to keep me company in my sad little singleton apartment. Not gonna happen:

a) I hate shopping. I'm 5'9" with huge shoulders and tiny ankles and wide feet and big hips. Nothing fits me, and when it does I just buy 10 copies of it in different colors.

b) I'm allergic to cats and if I buy one, I'll buy 12 and there goes the neighborhood.

c) If ever a day comes when I announce that I will be changing the station from NHL Network or Center Ice to watch a cheesy "disease of the week" TV movie from the 80s, you are hereby permitted to clock me upside the head with a large blunt instrument with no fear of punishment from the law.

Next up: Skipping ahead to 11.12, Minimum Paragraph 1 Salary.

When Plotting Your Future in the NHL, Just Say No Trade, No Move

The game: Portland Winterhawks vs. Everett Silvertips. Provided of course I can get there. The Prez is in town at the convention center, which is across from the rink.

Now this is what I call a hockey game: Rick Rypien has been suspended pending a hearing for getting into an altercation with a fan. The fans were kicked out of the rink, he went to the dressing room and then the box.

Now I hope the same thing doesn't happen here at home, but it is the Everett Silvertips, so: There might be a kerfuffle or two. Of course, thanks to the above situation, most of us may never see them. Also, in one of the Winterhawks' most painful losses during the 09-10 season, we lost to the tips 10 - 4. No that's not a typo. The game this evening also commences a six-game homestand, which is a blessing and curse 'cause we're better on the road. Well, so far. Stay tuned.

Move of the week: Evgeni Malkin scoring on Ottawa while airborne. And I thought the backhanded, no-look hat trick against Carolina in the playoffs took the cake. Hey, when you are your own hard act to follow, what else is there to do but score a goal while flying through the air with the greatest of ease?

The rule: Article 11, Rules and Procedures Governing Standard Player's Contract. 11.8, Individually Negotiated Limitations on Player Movement.

11.8: Aha. This explains those infamous "no trade" clauses. The SPC of a any Player who is a Group 3 Unrestricted Free Agent may contain a no-trade or no-move clause. Provided that it doesn't kick in until said player becomes a Group 3 free agent. If the player is traded or put on waivers before the clause takes effect, then they are SOL when it comes to no-trade, no-move. But it doesn't stop the team from asking: this just gives the player the right to say no.

Morals of the story:

The game: So even if you really like your team and your town and your nice life, if the team wants you gone, go ahead and say no and watch while your coaches, your team and the fans make your life a living hell for refusing to leave when it's your time to move on? Discuss.

Life: Most jobs I've ever held, I would never have wanted this kind of clause in there. I spent 3 years on 5th avenue and a few on Wall Street in jobs that really, I had no business even applying for. But alas, I somehow fooled everyone, including myself and my employers, for far too long. In my case there should have been a "get out and don't come back clause" to save me from myself and a lot of wasted years doing something that I liked and I was sort of good at, but that I didn't love. But if that hadn't happened, this blog wouldn't have happened. So in the end all roads did lead to the right place. But still, like hockey it's always better to know when it's time to move on than to stay in a place that doesn't want you anymore.

Next up: Gotta keep it simple, for once: 11.9. General. And if you want to see how the Winterhawks game turned out: www.oregonlive.com/hawks.

On the Other Hand, If You Challenge an SPC the 2nd Time, You Just Might Get $100 Million.

The games: Ottawa vs. Pittsburgh, Islanders vs. Toronto, Tampa vs. Dallas.

Why I chose them: Sergei Gonchar returns to his old stomping ground, Honkin' Tall French Captain and his boys try to erase the Florida shutout from memory (how are they supposed to be my personal choice for team most likely to rebound when they get blanked by the Panthers? Most distressing) and Nino Niederreiter and his posse take it to the Leafs. The latter of which, by the way, in a few years will boast two Portland Winterhawks on either side of the center line. Nino's Portland linemate Brad Ross was drafted 43rd by Toronto in this year's entry draft.

Good news all around: The Pens continue their mini-comeback, Tavares nailed it for the Isles in overtime and Tampa narrowly escapes with a 5-4 victory over the Stars.

Sort of: Nino didn't get on the boards. He didn't even rack up a small penalty for serving yet another too many men on the ice for his team. Of course, here in Portland that just means more fodder for "when is he coming back?" But as much as we want that for ourselves, we also want him to be successful in the big time. And when the time is right, whether it's now or later, he will be.

And if you live in Portland: Make note...the Winterhawks commence a six-game homestand starting this Wednesday against Everett. Plenty of time to join us if you can.

First he goes late in the draft, now this?: Cam Fowler broke his nose when he took a hit from Shane Doan, who was later suspended for three games for an even nastier blindside hit on Dan Sexton. Welcome to the NHL. But a blindside hit by the Captain is not cool, dude. And I like Shane Doan. But that Anaheim game was (despite its staggering goaltending and Corey Perry scoring beauty) some ugly business that's deserving of punishment.

And long before you go around hitting people upside the head, first you need to get paid to do so: Article 11, Rules and Procedures Governing Standard Player's Contract. 11.6(b) Subsequent Challenge or De-Registration of SPCs.

11.6(b)/aha! I think this explains the Kovalchuk three-ring circus. Sort of.:

Notwithstanding anything to the contrary in this Section 11.6, an approved and registered SPC may be subject to subsequent challenge and/or de-registration by the League (i) in the case of a circumvention relating to either the Club Upper Limit or the Maximum Player Salary, within 60 days from the date upon which the facts of the Circumvention became known or reasonably should have been known to the NHL, or (ii) in the case of a challenge pursuant to (i) or (ii) below, within fourteen days from the date upon which the SPC was approved by the NHL, in each case as follows:

(i) If an SPC is challenged solely because it resulted in the Club's Average Club Salary exceeding the Upper Limit, then the Player shall be entitled to continue play under such an SPC, and shall be entitled to all of the rights and benefits provided for under such an SPC.

Morals of the story:

The game: So let me get this straight...if you are a player who asks for $100-plus million over two decades, and it gets rejected because it's discovered that the Club is sneaking around outside NHL rules, you basically don't get punished in the meantime while they duke it out on your behalf? Now I get why players don't even think for a second about the consequences of their actions. According to this rule, there aren't any.

Life: One word: bailout. Only in our case it was like, what, $700 billion over the next three generations' lifetimes? And in our cases, our mortgages for houses we shouldn't have been allowed to buy because we really couldn't afford them put us into foreclosure, and our taxes go up to pay for said debacle, but the bank gets to carry right on with all the usual rights and privileges thereof whilst we go into debt, onto welfare and back to the food stamp line. True, the law tries to provide some consequences for said actions, but that doesn't stop people and companies most of the time either, now does it?

Next up: 11.8, Individually Negotiated Limitations on Player Movement.

Note to Players Who Challenge a Rejected SPC: Good Luck With That.

The games: Islanders vs. Penguins. Atlanta vs. Anaheim. Portland Winterhawks vs. Kamloops Blazers (WHL).

Why I chose them: It's my boy Nino hitting the ice against the two-headed monster, Anaheim's cutie pie swiss goalie in fine form and the Hawks rock on the road.

The quirk: Except for the Anaheim vs. Atlanta, all the NHL matchups tonight feature teams that either invited to training camp, drafted or signed a Portland Winterhawk in the off-season.

The rule: NHLPA Collective Bargaining Agreement, Article 11, Rules and Procedures Governing Standard Player's Contract. 11.6, Rejection of SPCs and/or Offer Sheets; Subsequent Challenge and/or De-Registration of SPCs and/or Offer Sheets.

Now mind this uses a very cryptic alien language masquerading as English, but I'm pretty sure this is how it works: If said documents are rejected because they exceed the Club's upper salary limit, they do not comply with maximum player salary or it involves circumvention of the upper salary limit, and the NHLPA does not dispute it in a timely manner, the SPC or Offer Sheet will be rejected and the player reverts to his agreement before the thing was rejected. And if they do go to a timely dispute, then the player is entitled to the terms outlined in the SPC but not the Offer Sheet. From there if the League rejects the SPC/Offer Sheet it's null and void and the player reverts to his previous SPC/Offer Sheet.

Morals of the story:

The game: Timing is key. But either way, you're not going to get what you want. Sure, you can ask for more, but don't count on it.

Life: Makes you wish we could go back to the days when we did deals on a handshake and business was based on a gentleman's agreement. If we did the things that are outlined in rules and laws and regulations like the bloody things tell us too, we wouldn't need laws. We'd mind our p's and q's and do what we're supposed to without laws. Thanks to a few choice individuals who don't, we have rules like this. I don't like complication, so my rules would be way simpler. For example: Employees who think they are worth more than the minimum amount of work they do each day in between two hour lunches and delegating their tasks to others will immediately have their grossly bloated salary request rejected, and they will not be permitted to refile or appeal until their workload equals their salary request.

Next up: Article 11, Rules and Procedures Governing Standard Player's Contract. 11.6 (b) Subsequent Challenge and/or De-Registration of SPCs.

Last Night, It Was All About Sven and Nino. Sort Of.

The games: Islanders vs. Washington. Portland Winterhawks vs. Calgary Hitmen (WHL).

Why I chose them: I'm a season ticket holder for Portland, and obviously I must keep track as Nino's official NHL debut unfolds.

On the home front: We went down hard 5 -1 to the reigning 2010 WHL champions. But on a lighter note, Nino scored his first very pretty NHL goal.

And guess who scored the one Portland goal?: Sven Bartschi. With a little help from Ty Rattie and Ryan Johansen. But of course. Unfortunately it was a little too late in the third period, but it beats a shutout. You can read all about it here: www.oregonlive.com/hawks.

As for Nino: What else is there to say? You. Go. Boy.

I shall return later tonight with more highlights and the next installment of the CBA.

All NHL Players Must Register and Get Approval for Their Dreams

The game: LA Kings vs. Atlanta Thrashers.

Why I chose it: Because it's their season opener, in all it's opening night hype-o-rama glory. Because Anze Kopitar somehow managed to get prettier with a mile-long scar above his lip. Because the national anthem is being played instead of sung...by Guns n' Roses guitarist Slash. Only in L.A. Game on.

Meanwhile back in Anaheim: The d-men left my favorite Swiss goalie out to dry. Ditto for his backup. Why am I not shocked?

Which is why...oohhh did I say that out loud?: Every d-man on Anaheim's team (excluding Cam Fowler, who's just following bad orders) is currently on my pooh list. And they're not coming off until they swear allegiance to cutie pie Swiss goalies and promise never to do it again.

The quirk: The broadcaster mixed up last night's game with this one and just called the opposing team the Atlanta Flames.

The rule: Article 11, Rules and Procedures Governing Standard Player's Contract. 11.5. Filing and Approval Process.

If you thought being a superstar in the NHL means no shuffling paper and red tape and all that, think again: An SPC will be demmed to be filed with Central Registry only when it is actually received by Central Registry. Said document must be filed electronically or by fax. The Registry then must record the date and time they receive the SPC. A Club must file the SPC by no later than 5 pm on day following the one in which they have received the SPC or Offer Sheet from the player. If it's received after 5 pm, it will be deemed to have been received the next day. Finally, if no action is taken by the League after this, the SPC will be deemed to be approved and registered. Central Registry shall provide to electronically to the Club and the NHLPA a daily bulletin of all SPCs that have been approved and registered.

Morals of the story:

The game: Come on now, your secret dream is to be the guy or gal who prepares the daily bulletin of the SPCs that have been approved and registered. I know when I was in kindegarten and the teacher said what do you want to be when you grow up? I certainly didn't raise my hand and say I want to write a mind-numbing newsletter about how many pieces of paper my boss approved today. Which got me to thinking. And we know what happens when I do that.

Life: How do we get lost between wanting to be a famous hockey player, a writer, a dancer and artist and selling insurance or filling out spreadsheets or making widgets in a windowless basement office? Where, when and how do we give up on who and what we wanted to be? It's too easy to make little compromises and sacrifices that don't seem like a big deal, until one day you turn around and you've sold your whole dream to the highest bidder, instead of just the part of it you needed to sell just long enough to achieve it. Perhaps some of us have reached the point where winning an Olympic gold medal is out of reach, or maybe fitting into that size 4 prom dress again is not gonna' happen. But if you are still breathing and getting up everyday and going forth into the world, chances are there's still a chance for other dreams. Want my advice? Take it. No exceptions. No excuses.

Next up: Article 11, Rules and Procedures Governing Standard Player's Contract. 11.6, Rejection of SPCs and/or Offer Sheets.