Cutie Pies, World Champions and Game Sixes, Oh My!

The games: Tri-City Americans vs. Calgary Hitmen (WHL Playoffs). Pittsburgh vs. Montreal. San Jose vs. Detroit.

Final scores: Calgary 4, Tri-Cities. Calgary Wins the WHL championship and moves on to the Memorial Cup next weekend. The Memorial Cup will be broadcast on the NHL Network, if you want to be a full scale playoff nerd. Pittsburgh 2, Montreal 1. I knew I shouldn't have even thought shutout. Montreal scored in the waning seconds of the game, but Pittsburgh's back on top. Back to Montreal for Game 6 and bonne chance to the Pens.

And in other news: The IIHF World Championships are underway, and there are cutie pies and hometown heroes all over this thing. Portland's own Nino Niederreiter is part of the Swiss team that defeated Latvia, and Peter Regin is playing for the Danes. Well, ok, Nino's not really ours..but he sort of is, for now.

Speaking of cutie pies: Note to self: pay more attention to players when they are out of the helmet and the gear. Why didn't I notice until now that Valtteri Filpulla was totally hot? Oh right...because I am an avowed anti-Wings fan. Perhaps I will rethink my "out with Detroit, in with the new" strategy for playoff advancement.

Here's the thing about the Memorial Cup: I'm excited that the NHL Network has seen fit to broadcast it, but it's also a reminder that the Portland Winterhawks aren't part of it. On the other hand, if they were, Nino wouldn't be playing in the Worlds in Germany. In a little over a month, he'll be an NHL draft pick, and in just over four months, he'll be back here, playing on our ice. Ditto for the five other prospects who may very well return to Portland with the NHL in their future. For those about to rock, we salute you.

The rules: Section 5, Penalties. Rule 507, Match Penalty. Rule 508, Penalty Shot.

Rule 507, Match Penalty: For a Match Penalty, any player, including the goalkeeper, shall be ruled off the ice and ordered to the dressing room for the balance of the game and substitution shall be permitted after five minutes.

Rule 508, Penalty Shot:Five conditions are required to award a Penalty Shot to a player being fouled from behind:

1. The infraction shall take place when the puck is outside of the player's defending zone (completely across the blue line).
2. The attacking player shall be in possession and have control of the puck.
3. The infraction shall have been committed from behind.
4. The attacking player in possession and control of the puck shall have been denied a reasonable scoring opportunity.
5. The player in possession and control of the puck shall have had no opposing players to pass to other than the goalkeeper.

And if you are the goalkeeper and you want to interfere with this, forget it:
If the goalkeeper leaves his crease before the player has touched the puck, or commits any foul, the Referee shall raise his arm but allow the shot to be completed. If the shot fails, he shall permit the Penalty Shot to be taken again. If the goalkeeper leaves the crease too early, the Referee shall:

1. Issue a Warning the first time and a new penalty shot.
2. Issue a misconduct penalty the second time and a new penalty shot.
3. Award a goal the third time.

Also....all penalties imposed to a goalkeeper, regardless of who serves the penalty, shall be charged in the records against the goalkeeper.

Morals of the story:

The game: So, basically, don't interfere with a perfectly good scoring opportunity, no matter how pissed off you are. Explain this to me...how exactly could you be in possession and not in control of the puck, and vice versa? And could we give goalkeepers a small break? Can they even come a smidge out of the goal crease without being penalized? And how does anyone keep track of these rules? No wonder a lot of the WHL referees are lawyers. Well, ok the only one I pay attention to is a lawyer, but still...it boggles the mind of hockey bears of very little brains.

Life: I never have understood why certain people seem to get to the top by interfering in other people's scoring opportunities. Stealing work from colleagues, dating your best friend's wealthy boyfriend behind her back, slippping onto a crowded train at the last minute and somehow getting the one seat available because the person in it got up right as you got on. Whatever the offense, there should be a matching penalty shot to go with it. For example, if you steal other people's work you should be given an assignment all on your own, and locked in a room until you can produce the report, slide presentation, whatever, on your own, without assistance or without asking someone else to do it and then passing it off as your own. For dating infractions, it's a little easier, because life usually takes care of it. Give it about 20 years, and said boyfriend will just go cheat with an 18 year old while the offending friend tries to hang on to what's gone with regular infusions of botox, collagen and valium.

Next up: Section 5, Penalties. Rule 509, Penalty Shot Procedure. Rule 510, Supplementary Discipline.