The distraction: Watching 35 Years of Raising the Cup on NHL Network and wondering why there was no Stanley Cup Champion in 2005 and then realizing...oh, right. Yeah, it's way past time for hockey season to get underway.
But I won't have to wait too much longer, because: Portland Winterhawks' training camp starts next week, and yours truly is kicking off my new oregonlive.com blog with a report from camp. Stay tuned.
What a difference a day makes: Even more exciting than training camp is the news that the opening of the Winterhawks' regular season is now September 27, a day earlier than previously reported. Hey, if you're a real hockey fan, you'll understand what a difference a day makes. Of course, it's not as exciting as Nino bobblehead night, but then again, what is?
The rule: Annex 4, Duties of the Officials.
Clearly I will be covering this rule over several entries, because: There are 26 sections spread over three pages, including signals for the Refs and Linesmen.
Let's start with the easy stuff: Right off the bat, they start with what happens in the event a Referee is incapacitated. Makes sense, when you realize that all the rest of the rules in this section are based on the Referee or his substitute showing up in the first place.
A4.1, Incapacitated Referee or Linesman, Before the Game: If, for any reason, the appointed Referees or Linesmen are prevented from appearing, the team leaders shall agree on a replacement Referee/Linesman. If they are unable to agree, then the Proper Authorities shall appoint the officials.
But if this happens during a game, don't even think about interfering with a perfectly good scoring opportunity: A4.2, Incapacitated Referee or Linesman, During the Game. A4.2 a) If a Referee leaves the ice or is injured, the Linesman or other Referee shall stop the game, unless one team has a scoring opportunity.
In Europe, the Linesmen are a tad busier than they are here in the NHL: A47. a) The Linesmen shall determine and stop the play by blowing the whistle for any infraction of the rules concerning:
1. Offside.
2. Icing.
3. Puck out of bounds, unplayable or interfered by an ineligible person.
4. Goal displaced from its normal position.
5. Encroachments occurring during a face-off.
6. Premature substitution of the goalkeeper.
7. Interference by spectators.
8. Injured players.
9. Pass with the hand from a player to a teammate.
10. High sticking the puck.
And finally: As in the NHL, if the Linesman may present his version of a penalty or other incidents that may have occurred during the game to the Referee, but the Ref still has final say over what happened.
Morals of the story:
The game: So, no rigging the game by choosing a replacement referee who will show favoritism to your team, eh? Of course, on the other hand, you could get lucky if the Proper Authorities appoint the right guy. But my favorite is that they don't replace the Ref during a game if a scoring opportunity is imminent. Hey, if the players have to suck it up and play with broken bones and knee injuries and stitched up eyes, why not the Referees too?
Life: Vice presidents, deputy mayors and others are the life equivalent of linesmen: they have a longer to-do list that involves running the company while the boss plays golf and does lunch, and even when they suggest to the boss there might be a better way to do things they are usually are overridden. As is the case here in Portland, where our esteemed Mayor has cast off the city leaders' opinion of what to do with Memorial Coliseum in place of his own ideas. The Coliseum, by the way, is the Portland Winterhawks' home. Nobody can do anything about it, either, so we're stuck with whatever he decides. Therefore, I propose an annex to Oregon state law whereby if the Ref (in this case our Mayor) is incapacitated for any reason, including his own arrogance, stupidity and need for power, he shall be removed by the Proper Authorities and forced to watch on the evening news while Portland goes back to the drawing board and rebuilds it the right way and with the Portland Winterhawks and their fans' best interests in mind.
Next up: Annex 4, Duties of the Officials, A4.8 Two-Man System - A4.22, Scorekeeper's Duties During the Game.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Official Announcements Required for Outrageous Multi-Year NHL Salary Deals.
Hey sometimes the anti-experts are right, after all: As most hockey geeks know by now, the ruling that Kovaluchuk's gazillion dollar, multi-century deal with the Devils was a violation of the collective bargaining agreement has been upheld. Just like I thought it would be. Back to the free market he goes, where apparently LA was rumored to have been willing to pay him somewhere in the neighborhood of $85 million. Why? No clue. Nobody is worth that much, especially in a sport where one injury can turn today's superstar into tomorrow's liability.
The rule: Annex 3, Official Announcements.
A3.1 Compulsory Announcements: The following announcements are compulsory for the information to the players, Coaches, Referees and spectators.
1. Goals and Assists.
2. Penalties.
3. End of Penalties.
4. Play Reviewed by the Video Goal Judge.
5. Time-out.
6. Time Remaining in Games/Period.
A3.2 Public Information.
1. Offside.
2. Icing.
But this is the best part: They provide a script for each item, which the announcer must follow, such as:
Goals and Assists:
"GOAL FOR TEAM...(Name of the team), SCORED BY NUMBER..., (Name), ASSISTED BY NUMBER...,(Name) and NUMBER...(Name). TIME..."
Penalties:
"TEAM...(Name of the team), NUMBER..., (NAME) 2 MINUTES PENALTY FOR...(PENALTY REASON). TIME..."
1. The penalty of the visiting team shall be announced first.
2. In a case where the penalized player cannot go to the penalty bench, or in case of goalkeeper penalty:
"THE PENALTY IS SERVED BY NUMBER...(NAME)."
Morals of the story:
The game: So, what happens if the announcer doesn't follow the script? How like hockey would that be to hear the announcer go off on a tirade not unlike that of angry fans snapping at a bad call. "REFEREE (NAME)...is an idiot who should go on back to small-town Canada where he came from and leave the calls to the experts. Kiss my ass...that wasn't holding....it was a little shove, not checking from behind..."
Life: What if every time we committed a penalty in life, we had to listen to our mistakes, bad decisions, regrets and overall stupidity announced on the news or somwhere else where it would be broadcast for all to hear? Would we look before we leap? Would we think before we said any stupid thing that came out of our heads? Imagine if we had our own announcer who reminded us oh, about every three or four minutes, that we just did something we weren't supposed to. We'd save so much money on therapy, life coaches, personal trainers, and all that other crap we do to try and save us from ourselves.
It wouldn't take much for me. The minute I heard "Two minute penalty for the 40-something woman in Corporate America deviating from her fat-free diet with a latte and cookie. That's two minutes for going off diet with carbohydrate, sugar-laden late afternoon snack" I'd move to a cave and live on carrot sticks and vitamin water. Forget about it. I'm too easily humiliated by public displays of stupidity.
Next up: A short vacation and then on 8/13: Annex 4, Duties of the Officials.
The rule: Annex 3, Official Announcements.
A3.1 Compulsory Announcements: The following announcements are compulsory for the information to the players, Coaches, Referees and spectators.
1. Goals and Assists.
2. Penalties.
3. End of Penalties.
4. Play Reviewed by the Video Goal Judge.
5. Time-out.
6. Time Remaining in Games/Period.
A3.2 Public Information.
1. Offside.
2. Icing.
But this is the best part: They provide a script for each item, which the announcer must follow, such as:
Goals and Assists:
"GOAL FOR TEAM...(Name of the team), SCORED BY NUMBER..., (Name), ASSISTED BY NUMBER...,(Name) and NUMBER...(Name). TIME..."
Penalties:
"TEAM...(Name of the team), NUMBER..., (NAME) 2 MINUTES PENALTY FOR...(PENALTY REASON). TIME..."
1. The penalty of the visiting team shall be announced first.
2. In a case where the penalized player cannot go to the penalty bench, or in case of goalkeeper penalty:
"THE PENALTY IS SERVED BY NUMBER...(NAME)."
Morals of the story:
The game: So, what happens if the announcer doesn't follow the script? How like hockey would that be to hear the announcer go off on a tirade not unlike that of angry fans snapping at a bad call. "REFEREE (NAME)...is an idiot who should go on back to small-town Canada where he came from and leave the calls to the experts. Kiss my ass...that wasn't holding....it was a little shove, not checking from behind..."
Life: What if every time we committed a penalty in life, we had to listen to our mistakes, bad decisions, regrets and overall stupidity announced on the news or somwhere else where it would be broadcast for all to hear? Would we look before we leap? Would we think before we said any stupid thing that came out of our heads? Imagine if we had our own announcer who reminded us oh, about every three or four minutes, that we just did something we weren't supposed to. We'd save so much money on therapy, life coaches, personal trainers, and all that other crap we do to try and save us from ourselves.
It wouldn't take much for me. The minute I heard "Two minute penalty for the 40-something woman in Corporate America deviating from her fat-free diet with a latte and cookie. That's two minutes for going off diet with carbohydrate, sugar-laden late afternoon snack" I'd move to a cave and live on carrot sticks and vitamin water. Forget about it. I'm too easily humiliated by public displays of stupidity.
Next up: A short vacation and then on 8/13: Annex 4, Duties of the Officials.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
3-2-1, Face Off!
The distraction: Awaiting the outcome of the ruling about Kovalchuk's 17-year deal with New Jersey. Personally, I'm all in for ruling against it, but that's just me. I actually remember the lockout and what led to it.
The rule: Annex 2, Game Countdown and Warm-Up Procedures.
In every other way they're totally casual and less wordy, but: When it comes to countdowns, Europeans don't mess around. This rule lists, by the minute, what's supposed to happen leading up to the opening face-off. For example:
-- 60:00. 20-minute count down to the pre-game warm-up begins on the Game Clock. Teams submit their completed Team Composition Forms to the Scorekeeper. Media centre receives a copy of the preliminary team line-up. game officials warm-up.
-- 10:00. Teams receive a photocopy of the Official Game Sheet. Referee and Linesmen receive a photocopy of the Official Game Sheet. Doping Control receive a copy of the Official Game Sheet. Announcer announces the entire roster for both teams.
-- 7:00. Referee and Linesmen are notified that one minute remains until they need to proceed to the ice surface.
-- 6:00. Teams are advised they have one minute remaining until they need to proceed to the ice surface. Referee and Linesmen leave their dressing room and go immediately to the ice surface.
-- 4:00. Teams enter the ice surface.
-- 2:30. Both teams line-up on their respective blue lines.
-- 2:00. Team Captains greet the Referee and Linesmen in the Referee's Crease.
-- 1:00. Teams leave the ice to the players' benches. Starting players remain on the ice.
00:15. Referee calls the teams to center ice for the opening face-off.
00:00. Opening face-off.
Morals of the story:
The game: Funny how there's so much fuss off the ice, at the game, before the game, after the game, on blogs, on Twitter, all about who's going to win, who should start, what line-up a team is going to start with, what went wrong, stars of the night, blah, blah, blah. And yet, the game itself leaves no time for fuss. 60 minutes, and it's all accounted for. Think of what we could accomplish if we treated life like a clock and we made use of every minute instead of dilly dallying or procrastinating or making a fuss about things that aren't important. It boggles the mind, really.
Life: I am the absolutely worst morning person in the world, hands down. Nobody could top me when it comes to not getting up and not caring what in the flip I look like once I get it together and get out the door. So, clearly, I need this rule for my life, and there should be corresponding buzzers and penalties and what not if I don't follow it:
-- 60:00. Turn off alarm with snooze alarm.
-- 55:00. Turn off alarm with snooze alarm.
-- 50:00. Turn off alarm, period, and get ass out of bed.
-- 49:00. Put kettle on to boil water for french press. Turn on shower.
-- 39:00. Attempt to pour cereal into bowl and eat before the Apple Jacks color the milk pink.
-- 30:00. Try to tame unruly mane into a presentable pile of blow dried, properly gelled hair that won't go poof when I go outside.
-- 15:00. Make edible lunch out of bread, tuna, pickles and mayonnaise. Yes, I put pickles in the tuna and on the sandwich. Get over it.
05:00. Leave house to get to bus stop on time.
Is this how my morning schedule normally goes? No. The tuna sandwich rarely happens, I don't dry and gel the do, I hit the snooze alarm for 20 minutes and if I'm lucky, I make it to the bus without running for it. But it's the thought that counts.
Next up: Annex 3, Official Announcements.
The rule: Annex 2, Game Countdown and Warm-Up Procedures.
In every other way they're totally casual and less wordy, but: When it comes to countdowns, Europeans don't mess around. This rule lists, by the minute, what's supposed to happen leading up to the opening face-off. For example:
-- 60:00. 20-minute count down to the pre-game warm-up begins on the Game Clock. Teams submit their completed Team Composition Forms to the Scorekeeper. Media centre receives a copy of the preliminary team line-up. game officials warm-up.
-- 10:00. Teams receive a photocopy of the Official Game Sheet. Referee and Linesmen receive a photocopy of the Official Game Sheet. Doping Control receive a copy of the Official Game Sheet. Announcer announces the entire roster for both teams.
-- 7:00. Referee and Linesmen are notified that one minute remains until they need to proceed to the ice surface.
-- 6:00. Teams are advised they have one minute remaining until they need to proceed to the ice surface. Referee and Linesmen leave their dressing room and go immediately to the ice surface.
-- 4:00. Teams enter the ice surface.
-- 2:30. Both teams line-up on their respective blue lines.
-- 2:00. Team Captains greet the Referee and Linesmen in the Referee's Crease.
-- 1:00. Teams leave the ice to the players' benches. Starting players remain on the ice.
00:15. Referee calls the teams to center ice for the opening face-off.
00:00. Opening face-off.
Morals of the story:
The game: Funny how there's so much fuss off the ice, at the game, before the game, after the game, on blogs, on Twitter, all about who's going to win, who should start, what line-up a team is going to start with, what went wrong, stars of the night, blah, blah, blah. And yet, the game itself leaves no time for fuss. 60 minutes, and it's all accounted for. Think of what we could accomplish if we treated life like a clock and we made use of every minute instead of dilly dallying or procrastinating or making a fuss about things that aren't important. It boggles the mind, really.
Life: I am the absolutely worst morning person in the world, hands down. Nobody could top me when it comes to not getting up and not caring what in the flip I look like once I get it together and get out the door. So, clearly, I need this rule for my life, and there should be corresponding buzzers and penalties and what not if I don't follow it:
-- 60:00. Turn off alarm with snooze alarm.
-- 55:00. Turn off alarm with snooze alarm.
-- 50:00. Turn off alarm, period, and get ass out of bed.
-- 49:00. Put kettle on to boil water for french press. Turn on shower.
-- 39:00. Attempt to pour cereal into bowl and eat before the Apple Jacks color the milk pink.
-- 30:00. Try to tame unruly mane into a presentable pile of blow dried, properly gelled hair that won't go poof when I go outside.
-- 15:00. Make edible lunch out of bread, tuna, pickles and mayonnaise. Yes, I put pickles in the tuna and on the sandwich. Get over it.
05:00. Leave house to get to bus stop on time.
Is this how my morning schedule normally goes? No. The tuna sandwich rarely happens, I don't dry and gel the do, I hit the snooze alarm for 20 minutes and if I'm lucky, I make it to the bus without running for it. But it's the thought that counts.
Next up: Annex 3, Official Announcements.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
It Is Recommended That All Players Wear Their Complete Advertisement.
The distraction: The NHL Network's replay of the Pittsburgh vs. Ottawa playoff series.
Which is perfect, because: It's Sidney Crosby's birthday. The NHL's boy wonder is all of 23 today. True, this year he's not literally parading around Nova Scotia with the Cup, but how many 23-year-olds have? And how many of us at that age had, within the same year, carried the Olympic torch and scored the goal that won our country a gold medal? I'm guessing...oh, let's see now....plus one, carry the three....add a zero....zip. Zilch. Nada. I cannot even believe there are people out there who write entire blogs about hating Crosby. Get a hobby. Join a knitting club. Learn to bowl. Do something with yourself that involves improving yourself, others or the world. And for the record, it's the Captain's job to talk with Referees about calls. So, he's not whining, he's working. There. I said it. Now I feel better. End of rant. End of birthday greetings to someone who's way more mature at 23 than I ever have been. And I'm nearly 20 years older. Back to topic...
The rule: Annexes. Annex 1, Advertising Regulations.
But first, betcha didn't know this: During the warm up:
a. Each team shall confine their activities to their own half of the rink, so as to leave clear an area nine metres wide across the center of the Neutral Zone.
b. It is recommended that all players wear their complete equipment.
Annex 1: Advertising and venue identification may be placed on the ice, the boards, the protective glass, nets, goals, or any other surface in and around the players' benches, penalty benches, goal judge areas and off-ice official's area, on the players' uniforms and/or equipment and the referees' and linesmans' uniforms and/or equipment, provided the specifications are provided to and written permission is given by:
1. The International Ice Hockey Federation.
2. The National Associations with regards to all games, both national and international, played within their territory.
Morals of the story:
The game: So basically, there's nowhere you can't advertise in an international hockey rink. And of course you have to wear your full equipment, seeing as how it does have ads on it and all. And I thought the United States was bad. At least in the NHL, the glass, uniforms, equipment and goal are off limits. But whatever you do, stay away from the other team at all costs when not playing. Love it.
Life: Advertising is truly evil genius. It's taught us to equate material worth with self-worth. It has convinced us we need things that either a) we want but don't need or b) that we don't need or want. I've long since given up on my dream of a world without advertising, but what if there really was truth in advertising? And companies that sell you have to tell you everything, not just the good stuff:
-- For pharmaceutical manufacturers would have to tell you up front, and in much bigger font sizes, all the side effects before they tell you how great their drug is. Imagine the lives you could save.
-- For car dealerships like Toyota, they'd have to post in their ads a copy of safety inspectors' notes with things like "gas pedal shows signs of sticking on some models. Recommend reworking before releasing for sale."
-- All those beauty products would have to admit that their products do nothing to stop the aging process, slow down wrinkles or vanquish cellulite. In its place would be copy telling you to enjoy your youth while you can and age gracefully, which by the way does not include botox, surgery or expensive eye cream. My father used to call it "25 going on 100." He would say that whenever he saw women his age tying to look young in a miniskirt and fake blonde hair. In other words, the more she tried to look young, the older she looked. It's hard to admit as we age, but in the end our parents were right about everything.
Next up: Annex 2, Game Countdown and Warm-Up Procedures.
Which is perfect, because: It's Sidney Crosby's birthday. The NHL's boy wonder is all of 23 today. True, this year he's not literally parading around Nova Scotia with the Cup, but how many 23-year-olds have? And how many of us at that age had, within the same year, carried the Olympic torch and scored the goal that won our country a gold medal? I'm guessing...oh, let's see now....plus one, carry the three....add a zero....zip. Zilch. Nada. I cannot even believe there are people out there who write entire blogs about hating Crosby. Get a hobby. Join a knitting club. Learn to bowl. Do something with yourself that involves improving yourself, others or the world. And for the record, it's the Captain's job to talk with Referees about calls. So, he's not whining, he's working. There. I said it. Now I feel better. End of rant. End of birthday greetings to someone who's way more mature at 23 than I ever have been. And I'm nearly 20 years older. Back to topic...
The rule: Annexes. Annex 1, Advertising Regulations.
But first, betcha didn't know this: During the warm up:
a. Each team shall confine their activities to their own half of the rink, so as to leave clear an area nine metres wide across the center of the Neutral Zone.
b. It is recommended that all players wear their complete equipment.
Annex 1: Advertising and venue identification may be placed on the ice, the boards, the protective glass, nets, goals, or any other surface in and around the players' benches, penalty benches, goal judge areas and off-ice official's area, on the players' uniforms and/or equipment and the referees' and linesmans' uniforms and/or equipment, provided the specifications are provided to and written permission is given by:
1. The International Ice Hockey Federation.
2. The National Associations with regards to all games, both national and international, played within their territory.
Morals of the story:
The game: So basically, there's nowhere you can't advertise in an international hockey rink. And of course you have to wear your full equipment, seeing as how it does have ads on it and all. And I thought the United States was bad. At least in the NHL, the glass, uniforms, equipment and goal are off limits. But whatever you do, stay away from the other team at all costs when not playing. Love it.
Life: Advertising is truly evil genius. It's taught us to equate material worth with self-worth. It has convinced us we need things that either a) we want but don't need or b) that we don't need or want. I've long since given up on my dream of a world without advertising, but what if there really was truth in advertising? And companies that sell you have to tell you everything, not just the good stuff:
-- For pharmaceutical manufacturers would have to tell you up front, and in much bigger font sizes, all the side effects before they tell you how great their drug is. Imagine the lives you could save.
-- For car dealerships like Toyota, they'd have to post in their ads a copy of safety inspectors' notes with things like "gas pedal shows signs of sticking on some models. Recommend reworking before releasing for sale."
-- All those beauty products would have to admit that their products do nothing to stop the aging process, slow down wrinkles or vanquish cellulite. In its place would be copy telling you to enjoy your youth while you can and age gracefully, which by the way does not include botox, surgery or expensive eye cream. My father used to call it "25 going on 100." He would say that whenever he saw women his age tying to look young in a miniskirt and fake blonde hair. In other words, the more she tried to look young, the older she looked. It's hard to admit as we age, but in the end our parents were right about everything.
Next up: Annex 2, Game Countdown and Warm-Up Procedures.
Friday, August 6, 2010
I Take That Back. It Is The Goaltender Rules.
The milestone: I'm almost done with all the major rules in the IIHF Rulebook, save for annexes and signals.
Ok, so what's next? The NHL's collective bargaining agreement and the business of hockey. Darned if I know the difference between unconditional waivers and waivers, or why Chicago had to dump their entire Stanley Cup roster to make the salary cap, but I'm about to find out. And, for Portland Winterhawks' fans a new community blog on oregonlive.com. Stay tuned. That will be up and running in late August. Look for a dispatch or two from training camp to kick it off.
The rules: Section 5, Penalties. Other Penalties. Rule 594, Goalkeeper Dropping the Puck on the Goal Netting. Rule 595, Protection of Goalkeepers.
594: If a goalkeeper deliberately drops the puck on the goal netting to cause a stoppage of play he shall be assessed a minor penalty.
595.a: In all cases in which an attacking player initiates any contact with the goalkeeper, other than incidental contact, when the goalkeeper is inside the goal crease and whether or not a goal is scored, the attacking player shall be assessed the appropriate penalty.
595.b: A goalkeeper is not "fair game" just because he is outside of the goal crease. The penalty shall be assessed in every case where an attacking player makes unnecessary contact with the goalkeeper (see Rule 522). Incidental contact shall be permitted when the goalkeeper is in the act of playing the puck outside his goal crease provided the attacking player made a reasonable effort to avoid unnecessary contact.
Morals of the story:
The game: Goalkeepers are damned if they do, damned if they don't when it comes to coming out of the crease. But every once in a while they get a break. Like Protection of Goalkeepers. It's not much, but it's better than nothing.
Life: In life, we try to protect what is ours...our homes, our lives, our cars, our children...but one way or another something or someone always crashes the crease. Twits on crackberries in their cars bump us from the rear when they don't notice the light changed while they were tweeting what they had for lunch; burglars get in and out of your house with a laptop or other gadget before the police answer that fancy alarm you installed; the nanny turns out to have a questionable history the background check didn't find. Whatever, the point is that you can punish crashing the crease in life, but you can't always prevent it. Well, you could, but living life in fear of what might happen isn't life. So get out there and crash the crease, leave the crease, make contact. In other words: Live, learn, repeat.
Next up: Birthday greetings to Sidney Crosby and Annex 1, Advertising Regulations.
Ok, so what's next? The NHL's collective bargaining agreement and the business of hockey. Darned if I know the difference between unconditional waivers and waivers, or why Chicago had to dump their entire Stanley Cup roster to make the salary cap, but I'm about to find out. And, for Portland Winterhawks' fans a new community blog on oregonlive.com. Stay tuned. That will be up and running in late August. Look for a dispatch or two from training camp to kick it off.
The rules: Section 5, Penalties. Other Penalties. Rule 594, Goalkeeper Dropping the Puck on the Goal Netting. Rule 595, Protection of Goalkeepers.
594: If a goalkeeper deliberately drops the puck on the goal netting to cause a stoppage of play he shall be assessed a minor penalty.
595.a: In all cases in which an attacking player initiates any contact with the goalkeeper, other than incidental contact, when the goalkeeper is inside the goal crease and whether or not a goal is scored, the attacking player shall be assessed the appropriate penalty.
595.b: A goalkeeper is not "fair game" just because he is outside of the goal crease. The penalty shall be assessed in every case where an attacking player makes unnecessary contact with the goalkeeper (see Rule 522). Incidental contact shall be permitted when the goalkeeper is in the act of playing the puck outside his goal crease provided the attacking player made a reasonable effort to avoid unnecessary contact.
Morals of the story:
The game: Goalkeepers are damned if they do, damned if they don't when it comes to coming out of the crease. But every once in a while they get a break. Like Protection of Goalkeepers. It's not much, but it's better than nothing.
Life: In life, we try to protect what is ours...our homes, our lives, our cars, our children...but one way or another something or someone always crashes the crease. Twits on crackberries in their cars bump us from the rear when they don't notice the light changed while they were tweeting what they had for lunch; burglars get in and out of your house with a laptop or other gadget before the police answer that fancy alarm you installed; the nanny turns out to have a questionable history the background check didn't find. Whatever, the point is that you can punish crashing the crease in life, but you can't always prevent it. Well, you could, but living life in fear of what might happen isn't life. So get out there and crash the crease, leave the crease, make contact. In other words: Live, learn, repeat.
Next up: Birthday greetings to Sidney Crosby and Annex 1, Advertising Regulations.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Well, It's Either The Rules or Netminders Were Just Born Crazy.
Proof that I will come up with ANY excuse to connect my other hobbies to hockey: "They boasted of injuries and wore their scars with pride, and they reserved their special admiration for mutilation: a boy with a finger missing could be their king." - Ken Follet, The Pillars of the Earth.
Is it just me, or does that describe perfectly hockey players' attitude towards their bumps, bruises and injuries? Yes, I found a hockey link in modern literature. To refresh, going without hockey for long periods of time is just not good for some of us.
Good for him, bad for us: Yardbarker has put out their prediction that it is not a question of whether Nino Niederreiter will play for the New York Islanders this year, the question is how much he will contribute when he does. Most excellent for him, sad for Portland Winterhawks fans who were spoiled by having him all to our little selves for a whole season. Still, I think I can safely send best wishes to one of our favorite players on behalf of my fellow fans. And get ready, Long Island, something special is coming your way. The pleasure of watching Nino was only ours for one year. May it be yours for many more to come.
But not to worry Hawks fans: We've got 10 NHL draftees in total, and most of the others will likely be back next season. Plenty of opportunity to partake of the NHL's future before it leaves us. My personal picks for breakouts this season: Brad Ross, Riley Boychuk and if he stays with us, Luke Walker. The bet is on that Brad's penalty minutes will not exceed his weight (as they did this year), Riley will turn into a scoring machine and Luke will start scoring more goals on the first try instead of the third.
And since I can at least see the hockey season from here: These are my predictions for comebacks, players to watch, etc.
-- Team best poised for a comeback: Tampa Bay Lightning. Why? Ummm...'cause Steve Yzerman is as much of a genius off the ice as he was on it.
-- Players most likely to make a comeback, because let's face if, if they don't, they have to answer to Mario Lemieux, Ray Shero and Sidney Crosby: Max Talbot and Evgeni Malkin.
-- Former junior players to watch: Chris Francis, now playing in the AHL for the Springfield Falcons. Stefan Schneider, who has signed with the Vancouver Canucks. Yes, both were Portland Winterhawks. Duh.
It's all about the goalies: Section 5, Penalties. Other Penalties. Rule 590, Penalties for Goalkeepers. Rule 591, Goalkeeper Beyond the Center Red Line. Rule 592, Goalkeeper Going to the Player's Bench During Stoppage of Play. Rule 593, Goalkeeper Leaving the Crease During an Altercation.
In case you're wondering: No, they can't do any of these things without penalty.
Hey look, it's a rule about a rule: Rule 590 is just a list of the penalties for goalkeepers, ranging from Penalty Shot Procedure to Throwing a Stick or Any Object.
591: If a goalkeeper participates in pay in any manner when he is beyond the center red line, he shall be assessed a minor penalty.
It's also a minor penalty for leaving the crease during an altercation or going to the player's bench for an reason other than to be replaced or during a time out.
Morals of the story:
The game: You'd think the penalties for goalkeepers would be a short list, and rarely violated, seeing as how if they leave their little 4 x 6 space they're also in danger of letting a shot in. But there is really very little the goalkeepers are allowed to do without penalty. At least in the IIHF and European hockey worlds, there is no trapezoid behind the goal fencing them in. But that's about it. Otherwise... they leave the crease, they're toast.
Life: In life, we don't need a rule to keep us trapped in a very small world, with very little room for personal freedom and living the way we want. We do it to ourselves. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Too many people live lives of loud fears and silent dreams. Don't be one of them. End of rule.
Up next: The completion of section 5 with Rule 594, Goalkeeper Dropping the Puck on the Goal Netting. Rule 595, Protection of Goalkeepers.
Is it just me, or does that describe perfectly hockey players' attitude towards their bumps, bruises and injuries? Yes, I found a hockey link in modern literature. To refresh, going without hockey for long periods of time is just not good for some of us.
Good for him, bad for us: Yardbarker has put out their prediction that it is not a question of whether Nino Niederreiter will play for the New York Islanders this year, the question is how much he will contribute when he does. Most excellent for him, sad for Portland Winterhawks fans who were spoiled by having him all to our little selves for a whole season. Still, I think I can safely send best wishes to one of our favorite players on behalf of my fellow fans. And get ready, Long Island, something special is coming your way. The pleasure of watching Nino was only ours for one year. May it be yours for many more to come.
But not to worry Hawks fans: We've got 10 NHL draftees in total, and most of the others will likely be back next season. Plenty of opportunity to partake of the NHL's future before it leaves us. My personal picks for breakouts this season: Brad Ross, Riley Boychuk and if he stays with us, Luke Walker. The bet is on that Brad's penalty minutes will not exceed his weight (as they did this year), Riley will turn into a scoring machine and Luke will start scoring more goals on the first try instead of the third.
And since I can at least see the hockey season from here: These are my predictions for comebacks, players to watch, etc.
-- Team best poised for a comeback: Tampa Bay Lightning. Why? Ummm...'cause Steve Yzerman is as much of a genius off the ice as he was on it.
-- Players most likely to make a comeback, because let's face if, if they don't, they have to answer to Mario Lemieux, Ray Shero and Sidney Crosby: Max Talbot and Evgeni Malkin.
-- Former junior players to watch: Chris Francis, now playing in the AHL for the Springfield Falcons. Stefan Schneider, who has signed with the Vancouver Canucks. Yes, both were Portland Winterhawks. Duh.
It's all about the goalies: Section 5, Penalties. Other Penalties. Rule 590, Penalties for Goalkeepers. Rule 591, Goalkeeper Beyond the Center Red Line. Rule 592, Goalkeeper Going to the Player's Bench During Stoppage of Play. Rule 593, Goalkeeper Leaving the Crease During an Altercation.
In case you're wondering: No, they can't do any of these things without penalty.
Hey look, it's a rule about a rule: Rule 590 is just a list of the penalties for goalkeepers, ranging from Penalty Shot Procedure to Throwing a Stick or Any Object.
591: If a goalkeeper participates in pay in any manner when he is beyond the center red line, he shall be assessed a minor penalty.
It's also a minor penalty for leaving the crease during an altercation or going to the player's bench for an reason other than to be replaced or during a time out.
Morals of the story:
The game: You'd think the penalties for goalkeepers would be a short list, and rarely violated, seeing as how if they leave their little 4 x 6 space they're also in danger of letting a shot in. But there is really very little the goalkeepers are allowed to do without penalty. At least in the IIHF and European hockey worlds, there is no trapezoid behind the goal fencing them in. But that's about it. Otherwise... they leave the crease, they're toast.
Life: In life, we don't need a rule to keep us trapped in a very small world, with very little room for personal freedom and living the way we want. We do it to ourselves. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Too many people live lives of loud fears and silent dreams. Don't be one of them. End of rule.
Up next: The completion of section 5 with Rule 594, Goalkeeper Dropping the Puck on the Goal Netting. Rule 595, Protection of Goalkeepers.
Monday, August 2, 2010
You Know It's Almost Hockey Season When...
1) NHL.com commences their "30 in 30" feature, in which they preview all 30 NHL teams in 30 days.
2) It is exactly 60 days until Nino bobblehead night for the Portland Winterhawks. True, he may still be with the Islanders that night, but I never let NHL stardom stand in the way of a good bobblehead.
3) The Winter Classic location and Consol Energy Center have been unveiled.
4) Four Portland Winterhawks are off to development camps in Canada that will prepare them for opportunities in the world junior championships.
5) The "30 Years of the Stanley Cup" feature is up to 1995 and the New Jersey Devils' victory, complete with a 25-year-old Bill Guerin on the roster. And watching the entire team pile out of the box onto one another and high-fiving and hugging their families and what not never gets old. Ever. Maybe the teams change, but the thrill is the same.
6) I'm done with another rulebook and it's time to learn the business of hockey, what with the Blackhawks walking away from Niemi and Brashear being put on waivers immediately by Atlanta and all.
The rule: Section 5, Penalties. Other Penalties. Rule 575, Infringement of Change of Players Procedure. Rule 576, Diving.
575.a: Where a team attempts to make a player (s) change after its alloted period of time, the Referee shall send the player(s) back to the bench and issue a "warning" to the team. If this happens again, it's a minor penalty.
576: Any player who, at the discretion of the Referee, flagrantly imitates a fall, a reaction, or feigns an injury in an attempt to draw a penalty by his action, shall be assessed a minor penalty.
Morals of the story:
The game: I hate diving. No, correction. I freakin' totally, utterly hate diving. If FIFA wants to let the little suckers run around and do that in soccer, carry on. That's their perogative. But cheating your way to a face-off and a man advantage goes in my personal "not cool, dude" file.
Life: Faking it is how most people get through life. And there's no penalty for said actions. In fact, it's rewarded in most cases with promotions, bigger salaries, bigger houses, gold medals or a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. But what if life punished us for the equivalent of diving? For example:
-- For screwing or starving your way to the top of Hollywood, a minor penalty of being forced to go to an audition every day, in which you are not really in contention but they just want to watch you try and get all excited that you might actually get the part.
-- For stealing others' work so you can get to the top, stay on top and score a bigger salary, a major penalty of demotion to a middle manager's job at the same company, with the accompanying smaller salary and cube, all so you can have the pleasure of answering to your new boss, the hard-working, honest middle manager whose work you were stealing.
Next up: Rule 590, Penalties for Goalkeepers through Rule 594, Goalkeeper Dropping the Puck on the Goal Netting.
2) It is exactly 60 days until Nino bobblehead night for the Portland Winterhawks. True, he may still be with the Islanders that night, but I never let NHL stardom stand in the way of a good bobblehead.
3) The Winter Classic location and Consol Energy Center have been unveiled.
4) Four Portland Winterhawks are off to development camps in Canada that will prepare them for opportunities in the world junior championships.
5) The "30 Years of the Stanley Cup" feature is up to 1995 and the New Jersey Devils' victory, complete with a 25-year-old Bill Guerin on the roster. And watching the entire team pile out of the box onto one another and high-fiving and hugging their families and what not never gets old. Ever. Maybe the teams change, but the thrill is the same.
6) I'm done with another rulebook and it's time to learn the business of hockey, what with the Blackhawks walking away from Niemi and Brashear being put on waivers immediately by Atlanta and all.
The rule: Section 5, Penalties. Other Penalties. Rule 575, Infringement of Change of Players Procedure. Rule 576, Diving.
575.a: Where a team attempts to make a player (s) change after its alloted period of time, the Referee shall send the player(s) back to the bench and issue a "warning" to the team. If this happens again, it's a minor penalty.
576: Any player who, at the discretion of the Referee, flagrantly imitates a fall, a reaction, or feigns an injury in an attempt to draw a penalty by his action, shall be assessed a minor penalty.
Morals of the story:
The game: I hate diving. No, correction. I freakin' totally, utterly hate diving. If FIFA wants to let the little suckers run around and do that in soccer, carry on. That's their perogative. But cheating your way to a face-off and a man advantage goes in my personal "not cool, dude" file.
Life: Faking it is how most people get through life. And there's no penalty for said actions. In fact, it's rewarded in most cases with promotions, bigger salaries, bigger houses, gold medals or a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. But what if life punished us for the equivalent of diving? For example:
-- For screwing or starving your way to the top of Hollywood, a minor penalty of being forced to go to an audition every day, in which you are not really in contention but they just want to watch you try and get all excited that you might actually get the part.
-- For stealing others' work so you can get to the top, stay on top and score a bigger salary, a major penalty of demotion to a middle manager's job at the same company, with the accompanying smaller salary and cube, all so you can have the pleasure of answering to your new boss, the hard-working, honest middle manager whose work you were stealing.
Next up: Rule 590, Penalties for Goalkeepers through Rule 594, Goalkeeper Dropping the Puck on the Goal Netting.
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