Friday, April 23, 2010

Who Says There Aren't Any Hockey Fans in Arizona?

The game: Phoenix vs. Detroit.

Why I chose it: Because I'm still all in for Phoenix to take it. Since Phoenix is on home turf tonight, it's the perfect time for this:

If you grew up in non-hockey towns and countries, like Arizona or Costa Rica, and you are a hockey prepared for the following responses if you ever leave and move somewhere like Oregon:

1. You tell people you're a hockey fan. They assume oh, you must have grown up in Detroit, Chicago or Minnesota, right? No. I grew up in Tucson. Oh, so you just like Sidney Crosby and Malkin, right? Yes, I do, but I actually like the sport. Oh, by the way, I know all 87 NHL rules, plus the IIHF rulebook. And, I'm a woman and I'm not petite and scary skinny and cute and I go to games on my own not just because I'm just tagging along with my boyfriend and I have a brain. Oh. And then they just run away.

2. You tell people you grew up in Arizona. Oh, so you must be a big golf lover then? No, I love hockey. Oh. They then proceed to back up 5 or 10 feet, call other people over to look at you and chat amongst themselves, and shortly thereafter they start calling local authorities on their mobile devices.

Now, back on the WHL front: Excuse me, how exactly is it that Vancouver is tied with Tri-City Americans at two games each? I thought I made it clear the Tri-City Americans were supposed to eat the Giants for a snack. Then again, I did also call for the Giants' defeat in Game 6 on their home ice, so there is still hope for their downfall.

The rule: Section 4, Playing Rules. Rule 470, Definition of a Goal.

This is simple enough: 470.1. When the puck has been put between the goal posts below the crossbar and entirely across the goal line by the stick of a player of the attacking team.

But this I had to read twice: 470.4. If a player of the attacking team has been physically interfered with, by the action of any defending player so as to cause him to be in the goal crease when the puck enters the goal net, unless if in the opinion of the Referee, he had sufficient time to get out of the crease. Here's what I want to know: How do you have sufficient time to get out of a little space 4 feet by 6 feet when you're going 80 miles an hour into it?

And at last I know why two players can get credited with an assist: Two assists may be awarded when a player scores after a rebound off of the goalkeeper. Thank you!

Morals of the story:

The game: At last, I get it. The game may seem simple, but the rules aren't. Not even the allowing of a goal, the simplest of all rules. Either they shoot the puck, the puck go in, or they don't. Right? Wrong. But that got me to thinking...once again, how like life hockey is, which leads me to this:

Life: Nothing in life is easy. Not even a phone call. It is my dream to someday once again contact a vendor like HP or Comcast or the phone company and not push 7 buttons to speak to an actual person in another country. And I would love to log onto just one web site to make a purchase or peruse news and not have to fill out the "forgot your password" thing because I have too many bloody usernames and passwords. And, finally...I love my Mini Cooper, but my salesperson helped me program all the little bells and whistles when I bought it and if I wanted to change anything, I'd have to take it back to the dealer to get her help. No, the manual wouldn't help me. I can barely plug in my cell phone charger without electrocuting myself.

Which is why I find irony in my favorite hockey player interview cliche: "we just gotta keep it simple." Or, when they get asked how they won: "we just played a simple game." Why we cannot play a simple game in life, I do not know. But at least there is some comfort in knowing that each year from September to June, for two or three hours each night, in cities all over the US, Canada and Europe there are very young, large, pretty boys keeping it simple. Carry on boys... perhaps someday we'll all get wise and follow your lead.

Up next on 4/24: Section 4, Playing Rules. Rule 471, Disallowing a Goal.

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