Friday, May 14, 2010

I'm Going On A Hockey Strike. Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.

The game: Philadelphia vs. Boston (NHL). Windsor vs. Brandon (Memorial Cup).

Isn't there a rule against this?: I didn't know you could score this many goals in a game. World Championships...Canada 12, Norway 1. Windsor 9, Brandon 3. I mean really, shouldn't there be a rule that if you are leading by more than 10 points, you should be required to at least give the other team a small kibble?

When ousted from the playoffs, score!: Cutie pie alert...Peter Regin scored 2 goals in Denmark's 6 goal shutout over Slovakia. And my pick for the Calder, Matt Duchene, is scoring like crazy in every game.

Refresh me: Was it not just a few short weeks ago that Boston had a three game lead in the series over Philadelphia? And prior to that, they set a new league record and pretty much made it impossible for every other team in the league to say can't when they scored three short-handed goals in one two-minute penalty kill.

I give up...for real this time: I can't take it anymore. The Portland Winterhawks aren't in the Memorial Cup finals. The Pens are toast. Boston blew it. I'm going on strike. I'm not sure what will happen to me or others in close proximity to my person, but I'm pretty sure it will resemble a cheesy 80's horror film. If Portlanders see a tall woman with partially gray hair wandering over by the Rose Quarter talking to herself and playing with the lintballs on her sweater, run very far away and call the proper authorities. And if you don't see an entry on this blog in the next 48 hours, you'll know what happened.

Now, on with the rules, because apparently there's no actual hockey happening at this particular moment:

Section 5, Penalties. Rule 513, Delayed Penalty.

Well at least now I know this isn't because the referee called a penalty too late:

Rule 513. Basically, a Delayed Penalty is when the team not in possession of the puck commits a penalty. One of the rules is that when the offending team gains possesion of the puck, play is stopped. So the team in possession at the time of the penalty can pull their goalie and put an extra attacker on without fear of getting scored upon. But the IIHF Rulebook states it this way:

2. If after the Referee has signalled a penalty, but before the whistle has been blown, the puck enters the goal of the non-offending team as the direct result of the action of the player of the offending team, the goal shall not be allowed and the penalty signal shall be imposed.

Morals of the story:

The game: Dude, don't commit a penalty when you don't have the puck. And whatever you do, don't blow a three game lead in the Stanley Cup semi-finals.

Life: This rule in life is for people who speak out of turn at corporate meetings because they know nobody gives a rip about what they think, so they just insert themselves inappropriately anyway. The penalty should be the same. Only in this case instead of not getting to score a goal, you don't get a promotion, a corner office or any real friends around the water cooler. You just go back to your little hovel of a cube and text friends who really, would rather not hear from you ever again, and wonder how you're going to fool your colleagues who ask "what are you doing this weekend" not becuase they care but because it's the politically correct thing to do, when you really don't have any plans at all.

Next up on 5/15: Section 5, Penalties. Rule 514, Calling of Penalties.

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