Monday, July 5, 2010

Reason #2 to Love Canada: They Make Really Good Wine and Chocolate.

And wine and chocolate make a perfectly acceptable meal anytime of day: Like say, sunset on a Monday.

So, refresh me: Why don't I live in Canada? They're polite, they're patriotic on national holidays, they gave the world hockey and they make good wine. All good reasons for me to move there, but I have to come up with a good excuse for immigration, like I would contribute meaningfully to Canadian society and pay taxes and such. Do you think if I buy Canucks season tickets in advance to show my sincerity and my loyalty, it would be enough to convince them? Discuss.

The rule: Section 5, Penalties. Other Penalties. Rule 554.c, Shooting or Throwing the Puck Outside the Playing Area. 554.d, Adjustment of Equipment.

554.c: A player or goalkeeper who directly shoots, throws or bats the puck with his hand or stick outside the playing area, shall be assessed a minor penalty.

554.d: It's the same as the NHL. If your gear's outta whack, you leave the ice and fix it. The end. It's the same for players and goalkeepers. a. Play shall not be stopped nor the game delayed by reason of repair or adjustments to player's equipment and uniform, and the player requiring such adjustments shall retire from the ice. Infraction of this rule is punished by a minor penalty.

Morals of the story:

The game: So, the first is another one of those "don't touch the puck, don't look at the puck, don't talk to the puck, don't feed the puck snacks" rules. And if you have been playing hockey since birth and are now in the NHL and you still haven't figured out how to get your uniform and equipment crap together, why are you here?

Life: What if there was a law that required that those of us who try to be fashionable -- we really do -- but who alas, are not, retire from life to fix our attempt at dressing ourselves? It would be a great way to get out of work. Or blind dates. Or perhaps that business mixer where you have to suck up to the boss while he waxes rhapsodic about his last fishing trip. But then again, it also means there would have to be some sort of "three strikes you're out" caveat where you are fired or banned from social interaction if you cannot find it in yourself to put together the simplest of all outfits, a color-coordinated sweater set from Ann Taylor, a black skirt and black patent leather heels. Like the game, the moral is the same. Get it together or get out.

Up next: Section 5, Penalties. Other Penalties. 554.e, Injured Player Refusing to Leave the Ice. 554.f, More Than One Change After Goal Scored. 554.g, Violation of Face-Off Procedures.

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